I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! A fairy died.
I don’t believe in fairies. Oops! Another fairy died.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The prefix “God Said” has the extraordinary logical property of converting any
statement that follows it into a true one.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A Jewish Deduction

The Bible dictates that “Thou shalt not seethe [= cook] a kid [= young goat]
in his mother’s milk”. To avoid any possibility of breaking that regulation,
the Jewish tradition ruled that it also applies to female goats, to mature
goats, and to the meat and milk of two completely unrelated goats. It is also
forbidden to eat the meat with fresh milk, and it applies to beef and mutton
as well (including mixing the milk and meat of two different beasts). Finally,
chicken, which are incapable of milk production, may not be eaten along with
any mammal’s milk either.

We are fortunate that most mathematicians were not Jewish. Otherwise, it would
have been forbidden to divide by all numbers between -1 and 1.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I used to be arrogant. Now I’m simply Perfect.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
If the ancient Greeks had invented UNIX, Murphy’s Law would have been known as
Aristotle’s Law.

Had they invented MS-Windows, Murphy’s Law would have been known as the Law of
Socrates.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Microsoft’s slogan used to be “Microsoft - making it all make sense.”

Today it should be: “Microsoft - making everything make sense. Ours.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Linux - Because Software Problems Should not Cost Money.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Linux Slogan and Banner ( http://www.shlomifish.org/art/linux_banner/ )
%
The American Lottery - all you need is a dollar and a dream. We will take the
dollar, but you can keep the dream.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world (Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God knows you will do shit, does nothing to prevent it, but makes you
take the blame for it anyway.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“Shit Happens” according to the religions of the world
(Deltas by Shlomi Fish)

Judaism: God is all the shit, all the non-shit and all the intermediate
demi-shits in between.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Let’s interpret the past according to the present and not the present
according to the past.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<

Computer Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about telescopes

>>>

— Edsger W. Dijkstra

<<<

Programming Science is no more about computers than astronomy is about stars.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: “Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more, and that’s because /Summerschool at
the NSA/ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie.”

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: “And as opposed to /I Know What You Did Last Summer/,
it is going to be scary.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Objective philosophy is like a pencil sharpener for one’s mind.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Oh! I wish you could see the look on his face! Actually, I would have also
liked to see the look on his face, but just then I woke up from the dream.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
Had I not been already insane, I would have long ago driven myself mad.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Aside from all that, I planned a political simulator that forecast the two
World Wars after I entered all the relevant data until the year 1000 AD.”

“Do you have a computer at home?”

“Oh, no! At present the program is written on a paper. Don’t ask how much time
it took me to fully eliminate all bugs out of it. But it was great fun!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Likewise.” Added the interviewer and said: “Your answers were also very…
unusual.”

“Although this description cannot testify on their quality, I take it as a
compliment.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The government of the Supporter will finance your travel, and you will be able
to leave tomorrow morning. We would like to inform you of the following facts:
we cannot assure your safety during this travel. Furthermore, despite your
long service at the Organisation and your constructive proposal, we cannot
say, wholeheartedly or halfheartedly, that we wish to protect your safety.
Likewise, we cannot guarantee that we would not take actions that may harm
you, indirectly or in a direct manner.

We hope to see you here very soon.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“Okay, I think that I can now return to my country and my village. By the way,
how many forbidden books do you have?”

“Oh,”, one of them said to me, “their number is growing geometrically. When I
checked two weeks ago, their number was 2,148,763. A week ago there were
4,278,109 forbidden writings. Now there must be about 8,600,000 ones.”

“You are wrong.”, I said to him.

“I beg your pardon?”

“There are now exactly 8,517,559 or 8,517,560 forbidden books.”

“Why is it so important?”

“Why, it means that, for the time being, you have 82,440 or 82,441 extra books
which you can read at bedtime if you can’t fall asleep!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
“And what is the nature of those activists: Socialists? Communists? Liberals?…
”

“Let’s say, for the sake of simplicity, that they are people of my intellect,
only that as opposed to me they are sane.”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
A more experienced programmer does not make less bugs. He just realizes what
went wrong more quickly.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
BTW, for an editor with no replace feature (at least not on Windows 95), no
regular-expression search and replace, no indentation support, no
syntax-highlighting and no macros and scriptability features: MS Notepad is
one hell of an editor!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Wonderous are the ways of Microsoft ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wonderous.html )
%
Suggested Improvements to the Documentation:

The WYSIWYT project was for a long time fascinated by Microsoft’s tremendous
desire to advance its Internet Explorer web-browser. We saw the fact that they
switched the help systems of the upcoming Windows 98, as well as Microsoft
Visual C++ 5.0, to HTML a major step in advancing our project.

As a complementary step, some of the chief heads of our project suggested that
the Windows’ manuals themselves, as well as all of Microsoft’s ads, will be
designed in HTML and printed after being rendered by IE 4. While this project
is in the preliminary and planning stages, we expect it to acquire a large
momentum soon.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- IRPWUG Announces Project “What you see is what you think” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/wysiwyt.html )
%
If: 1. A is A.
2. A is not not-A.
does it also imply that:
1. B is B.
2. B is not not-B.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I know I’m blond, but I have to colour my hair brown, so people would not
think I’m stupid. Because, like the title of the book says: "You’ve only got
Three Seconds".

Actually, since Amazon sent us two books like that, you’ve only got six
seconds.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Knuth is not God! It took him two days to build the Roman Empire.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! God has already released TeX version 4.0.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
>
> Shlomi,
>
> Have you ever considered taking a Turing test? ;-)
>

<sarcasm>
Sure I did. I sat at one point of an IRC channel, and someone
tested me. Eventually it was discovered that I am a computer, but it
turned out the other side was an Eliza program. Strangely enough, I could
not detect that the latter fact was true.
</sarcasm>

— Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2465

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
There is no IGLU Cabal! None of them could pass the Turing test. But strangely
enough a computer program they coded, could.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 2465 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/2465 )
%
Knuth is not God! Google is not God! RMS is not God!

God himself said that was the case.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
<<<

Knuth is not God! Typing “God” into Google and pressing “I’m Feeling Lucky”
would not lead you to his homepage.

>>>

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2084 ("The Great WWW-Wisdom Shootout")

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
Knuth is not God! Unless you confuse him with Dijkstra.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s “Knuth is not God!” Facts ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Knuth/ )
%
(I am patenting issuing a TINIC with anything else but the phrase "There is no
IGLU Cabal!". The patent number is kept secret to avoid violating the
copyright of its text)

Shlomi Fish in Hackers-IL message No. 2021

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
C++ supports Object-Oriented Programming, roughly as much as COBOL supports
Functional Programming.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I hope that if it had not been clear before, it isn’t less clear now.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturers
%
Jack: Hi, Sophie!

Sophie: Don’t “Hi, Sophie!” me.

Jack: Don’t “Don’t ‘Hi, Sophie!’ me” me!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
My opinions may seem crazy, but they all make sense. Insane sense, but sense
nonetheless.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#opinions_crazy )
%
<<<

Shlomi, I’m considering naming a corollary of Godwin’s law after you - any
discussion of anything is over when you mention Freecell Solver.

>>>

— Muli Ben-Yehuda on #kernelnewbies (irc.kernelnewbies.org)

<<<

Muli: BTW, I think that any discussion only begins to gain momentum when I
mention Freecell Solver.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish on #offtopic (irc.kernelnewbies.org)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
There’s no point in keeping an idea to yourself since there’s a 10 to 1 chance
that somebody already has it and will share it before you.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
An apple a day keeps the doctor away.

Two apples a day will keep two doctors away.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Relatives
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
“You are banished! You are banished! You are banished! Hey! I’m just kidding!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Discussing Foreign Languages Knowledge in the U.S.A]

Ben Collins-Sussman: Tis’ true, unlike Europe, the language doesn’t change
every 100 miles.

Shlomi Fish: And unlike England, the accent does not change every 10 miles.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
What happened to Christopher Michael Pilato?
Is he gone?
Is he gone for good?
Is he gone for better?
Is he gone for best?
Is he gone forever?
Will he return?
Who is Christopher Michael Pilato, anyway?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Adapted from an IRC Monologue
%
> Can anyone draw a plan as to how to teach a computer to laugh? Say we
> define laugh as print "LOL", and define smile as print ":)". How would a
> computer know when to print any of those, and when to operate an Eliza
> program?

Judging by IRC or AOL, randomly would do just fine ;-)

— Muli Ben-Yehuda in Hackers-IL message No. 3513

    -- Muli Ben-Yehuda
    -- Hackers-IL message No. 3,153 ( http://tech.groups.yahoo.com/group/hackers-il/message/3513 )
%
In Philosophy, as much as in software engineering, you don’t get credit for
originality. What matters is the final product, not who came up with the idea
for each feature first.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#in_philosophy_as_in_soft_eng )
%
> Unfortunately as other people have mentioned - the HURD is seriously
> lacking in developers, especially driver writers. Linux is to blame for
> most of that.

KImageShop is seriously lacking in developers, and the GIMP is to blame
for most of that.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the Linux-IL Mailing List ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il@cs.huji.ac.il/msg31920.html )
%
He has a high degree of idealism, a high degree of stubbornness, and an even
higher degree of inability to distinguish between the two.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
> Thanks, applied as change #22936.

And thank you for applying this patch. But to be honest, I’m a little
disappointed. I expected it won’t go in so easily and will trigger some
discussion here. But there was none. No typo corrections (“you misspelled
‘floccinaucinihilipilification’”); no flames ("this patch is the worst thing
since non-sliced bread"). Nothing.

Someone should do something about it. This direction is not healthy for p5p.
Seriously.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to perl5-porters ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.perl5.porters/92352 )
%
 <rindolf>  Right now, I think I’ll go to sleep.
   <mitch>  nite rindolf
   <mitch>  sleep-fu well
 <rindolf>  mitch: night.
 <rindolf>  Bye all!
 <rindolf>  mitch: there are no PDB entries for me sleeping.
 <rindolf>  mitch: nor do I want any.
   <mitch>  haha
   <mitch>  (rindolf-sleep INTERACTIVE|NONINTERACTIVE)
 <rindolf>  mitch: heh
 <rindolf>  mitch: (plug-in-rindolf-sleep ...
   <mitch>  :)
   <Kevin>  (plug-in-rindolf-sleep 8 HOURS)

    -- Contemplating some potential procedural database functions
    -- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
  <yacoob>  a quickie: are ‘adjustments layers’ planned to be implemented
            in gimp?
   <nomis>  yacoob: at some point in the future, yes.
  <yacoob>  nomis: dare to estimate how far this future is?
   <nomis>  yacoob: no.
 <rindolf>  yacoob: faster if you contribute.
         *  nomis waits for the "oh, I cannot program at all".
 <rindolf>  nomis: faster if he learns how to program, and then
            contributes.
   <nomis>  :)
  <yacoob>  rindolf: you wouldn’t like me to contribute, believe me ;)

    -- Faster, faster!
    -- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
[Commenting in Slashdot after Arnold Schwarzenegger’s decision to use
open-source software in the California government:]

> This is obviously because Bill Gates and Steve Jobs are girly men.

Yeah and what are the offerings of the open-source world? Let’s see:

1. Linus Torvalds - Looks like a dweeb, ergo is a dweeb. How girly is that?
(plus his wife can kick ass better than him) 2. Richard M. Stallman - a hippy.
How girly is that? 3. Eric S. Raymond - a nice looking man with a moustache.
Baby faced, so he looks a bit girly to me. 4. Larry Wall - a cross between
Linus and RMS (i.e: a hippy dweeb) that is even more girly.

So who do we have left? Alan Cox? OK, he’s manly. (huge man, huge facial hair,
etc.) And all the others are so negligible people don’t even know how they
look like.

Note: this comment may have been a bit cruel, so sorry. Don’t take it too
seriously, especially if you’re one of the guys I laughed about. I hold you
all with the greatest respect. Seriously.

Sincerely yours,
Shlomi Fish (who is a quite girly male himself).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Slashdot Comment ( http://slashdot.org/comments.pl?sid=117863&cid=9962843 )
%
If his programming is anything like his philosophising, he would find ten
imaginary bugs in the "Hello World" program.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hacker sees bug. Hacker does not want bug. Hacker fixes bug.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Tcl is Lisp on drugs. Using strings instead of S-expressions for closures is
Evil with one of those gigantic E’s you can find at the beginning of chapters.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Linus Torvalds:* "95% of Programmers consider themselves in the top 5%".

*Shlomi Fish’s Corollary:* "95% of Programmers consider 95% of the code they
did not write, in the bottom 5%."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: well The Gilmore Girls is also a drama. Sort of a
              dramedie, but a serious one.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Meh.
 <Linuxgrrl>  Too girly for me.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: you are a girl.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: let me guess - you’re using Debian or Gentoo,
              right?
 <Linuxgrrl>  Gentoo.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: knew it.
   <rindolf>  Linuxgrrl: no self-respecting tomboy would use Mandrake.

    -- Too Girly
    -- #linuxchics, OFTC
%
C++ is complex, complexifying and complexified.

(With apologies to the Oxford English Dictionary).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <rindolf>  I’m siicckk of blogging memes.
   <rindolf>  You are this file type.
   <rindolf>  You are that type of cloth.
 <jkauffman>  You are this member of the Friends show
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: LOL.
 <jkauffman>  "January 4th, 2005: Just took an online quiz and it turns
              out I’m a Joey type"

    -- Shlomi Fish (rindolf) and jkauffman
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <tyler->  rindolf: you are seriously the craziest fucker I know
  <tyler->  and I know some crazy ass people
  <mofino>  haha
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I am crazy. And proud of it.
  <tyler->  rindolf: you should be
  <mofino>  haha
  <mofino>  Ahh man
 <rindolf>  tyler-: being crazy is hard work. I worked all my life to be
            crazy.
  <mofino>  Normal people aren’t fun.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: "Craziness is not an action. It’s a process."
  <mofino>  heh
  <tyler->  rindolf: I see
 <rindolf>  You need to tend to your insanity.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: do you want to be crazy?
  <tyler->  rindolf: that’s why I feed my leprechaun at least once a day.
 <rindolf>  tyler-: I can teach you everything I know.

    -- Becoming Crazy
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  mofino: I have some money, and am living and am supported by
             my parents.
  <rindolf>  mofino: there’s much less of a taboo against living with
             one’s parents after school in Israel, than there is in the
             States.
   <mofino>  It’s not taboo
   <mofino>  It’s pathetic.
   <mofino>  Although, sometimes life sucks, and you have no choice.
 <q[ender]>  you know, it depends
 <q[ender]>  if you’re not married and / or not getting any, it doesn’t
             much matter if you live with your folks
   <mofino>  ender, usually when you have self-respect, you try and you
             know, make it on your own
  <rindolf>  q[ender]: are you married and not getting any? You could live
             with your parents.
 <q[ender]>  hahaha
   <mofino>  haha
 <q[ender]>  awesome
 <q[ender]>  rindolf++ # good burn!

    -- Living with your parents
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
:)-<
 +--

-- Moses the Smiley by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Moses the Smiley ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#moses_the_smiley )
%
The first phrase that should be taught when teaching a new language is how to
say “Do you speak English?”.

The first thing that needs to be taught when teaching a new computer tool is
how to exit it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
<<<

He who re-invents the wheel, will understand much better how a wheel works.

He who re-invents the wheel, may actually invent a much better wheel.

>>>

Shlomi Fish

<<<

He who re-invents the wheel will likely design a square wheel and spend a year
trying to figure out why it doesn’t work properly.

>>>

Nadav Har’El

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Sometimes you don’t need to be familiar with a better alternative to know that
something sucks. Take Microsoft Word for example.

    -- Shlomi Fish’s Friend
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
The difference between a good student and a bad student is that a bad student
forgets the material five minutes before the test, while a good student five
minutes afterwards.

    -- One of Shlomi Fish’s Technion Lecturer
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Real programmers don’t write workarounds. They tell their users to upgrade
their software.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Jewish Atheists are the only true Atheists. They beat the hell out of Goy
Atheists.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
    <rindolf>  ajs: perhaps Chuck Norris would be a useful addition to the
               Pugs and Parrot teams.
        <ajs>  rindolf: If Norris can write, give him a commit bit, and
               tie him to a keyboard ;)
 <FurnaceBoy>  I thought he already had commit
      <daxim>  Chuck Norris commits with a roundhouse kick into the SVN
               server’s head
            *  FurnaceBoy chuckles
        <ajs>  daxim: If you can get that to pass the test suite, then
               more power to you!
 <FurnaceBoy>  Chuck *is* the test suite
    <Kattana>  Chuck Norris does not code, when he sits at a computer, it
               just does whatever he wants.
    <rindolf>  Kattana: :-)
      <daxim>  ah, we’re easy to amuse
        <ajs>  Be the test suite, Chuck... BE the test suite.
 <FurnaceBoy>  you gotta pass ‘make chuck’

    -- Chuck Norris Perlsixifies at Freenode’s #perl6 channel.
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
“You know:”, the physicist said, “in my opinion since you left the
Organisation you acted without thinking a lot before you did things. I would
describe your behaviour as deriving from spontaneousness and fickle‐mindedness
that border rashness. Do you also think so?”

“Of course!” I replied, “Except for arrogance, rashness is my only defect!”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The Enemy and How I Helped to Fight It ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ )
%
The current solution offered by Nvidia may be the second-best solution. But
this is one case where the second best solution is not good enough.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Nvidia Petition ( http://www.petitiononline.com/nvfoss/petition.html )
%
If it isn’t in my email, it doesn’t exist.

And if the whole world says one thing and my email says something different,
email will conquer.

-- an Israeli Linuxer.

    -- An Israeli Linuxer
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Hi CSWookie
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: aren’t you also on Freenode?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: What’s up.
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: I’m fine.
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: you are a Buffy fan right?
 <CSWookie>  rindolf: I am. Although really, more a Willow fan. Nothing
             hotter than red-headed Jewesses that are scared of boys.

    -- CSWookie on Willow
    -- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
  <rindolf>  Hi all! How can I tell Flash in FF to play using artsd? It
             keeps trying to invoke esd. I’m on Mandriva 2007.
 <vexati0n>  the REAL question is, what the fuck is taking adobe so long
             with flash 9 :@
 <vexati0n>  rindolf: you might have to set that with firefox’ settings.
 <vexati0n>  or, do what good people do and use opera.
 <vexati0n>  :P
          *  rindolf slaps vexati0n
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I’m not using Opera. Period.
  <rindolf>  I don’t like it and it’s not FOSS.
 <vexati0n>  god, it’s like opera is anathema just cause people can’t look
             at its code or something.
 <vexati0n>  like YOU are going to tinker with your browser’s source code
             anyway
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: actually, I did that for Firefox.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I have a bug pending on bugzilla.mozilla.org.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: nah, nah, nah, nah
 <vexati0n>  well, you wouldn’t have to do it with opera because it
             already works :P
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: I hate the fact that it resizes images.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: it causes the images to be too large.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: now tell me how do I fix that.
 <vexati0n>  opera resizes images? o.O
 <vexati0n>  do you have a page it screws up so i can look?
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: when I press Ctrl++ and Ctrl+-
 <vexati0n>  oh. You mean it doesn’t just increase the size of the text.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: take http://www.shlomifish.org/art/ for example.
  <rindolf>  vexati0n: yes.

    -- When Closed-source bites
    -- ##linux, Freenode
%
The bad thing about hardware is that it sometimes works and sometimes doesn’t.
The good thing about software is that it’s consistent: it always does not
work, and it always does not work in exactly the same way.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  Kev: thanks.
  <rindolf>  Kev: did you post it on the French page?
      <Kev>  not yet
  <rindolf>  Kev: you need to create an account first. But it’s easy.
  <rindolf>  It’s a MediaWiki based wiki.
      <Kev>  arghhhhhhhhhhhh
  <rindolf>  Kev: what’s wrong?
 <jagerman>  Maybe MediaWiki wronged him in some way!
      <Kev>  wiki
 <jagerman>  Just be thankful it isn’t a blog!
  <rindolf>  Kev: what’s wrong with wikis?
  <rindolf>  And be extra thankful it’s not MySpace.
 <jagerman>  Mt. Allison [University] is now paying 5 students to maintain
             a "life as a Mt. A student" blog

    -- Welcome to Web 2.0
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <mofino>  Well I’m confused and I’m going home
  <mofino>  Later guys
  <mofino>  And girl.
  <mofino>  Young tender girl ...
  <mofino>  sweet 16 year old girl ....
    <avar>  haha
 <rindolf>  mofino: heh.
         *  mofino puts away his lynching pedo personality
  <mofino>  ;)
  <mofino>  lates
         *  ChanServ gives channel operator status to jagerman
       <--  jagerman has kicked mofino from #perlcafe (Leave already :P)
         *  jagerman removes channel operator status from jagerman
    <avar>  We have found pedobear and he is mofino
       -->  mofino has joined #perlcafe
  <mofino>  can you like not do that as I’m picking up my keys?
  <mofino>  you fagerman
 <rindolf>  fagerman, homofino, what’s next?
 <rindolf>  I know - q[tyler-]
 <rindolf>  OTOH, I’ve been called Slimy Fish lately.
    <avar>  rindolf: The *real* Slimy Fish?
 <rindolf>  avar: the one and only 100% original real actual and unmatched
            Slimy Fish™!
 <rindolf>  I’m the real Slimy, yes I’m the real Slimy, if you’re the real
            Slimy and not just a Slimy. So will the real Slimy please
            stand up, please stand up...
         *  jagerman is ashamed for actually knowing those lyrics
    <avar>  sing it Jew boy:)

    -- Unflattering Nicknames
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  CSWookie: tried Christian Ubuntu yet? ;-)
 <goldfish>  LOL.
 <goldfish>  Oh dear, you weren’t joking.
  <rindolf>  goldfish: no, I was.
 <goldfish>  hah
 <goldfish>  "Ubuntu Christian Edition is a free, open source operating
             system geared towards Christians. It is based on the popular
             Ubuntu Linux. Ubuntu is a complete Linux-based operating
             system, freely available with both community and professional
             support."
    <moldy>  i might try it soon
    <moldy>  right now we are using plain dapper at my church
 <goldfish>  moldy: hah
    <moldy>  is this that funny? :p
 <goldfish>  :)
  <rindolf>  http://christianubuntu.blogspot.com/
    <moldy>  hehe
    <moldy>  For 40 days before Easter, Ubuntu Christian Edition works in
             text mode only.
    <moldy>  haha
 <goldfish>  That’s brilliant :)
  <rindolf>  There’s also a Jewbuntu blog, but it’s not as funny as this
             Christian Ubuntu blog.
    <moldy>  true
    <moldy>  That sounds about right -- Jesus might have preferred
             Jewbuntu since he was a Jew. Then again, Jesus was also a
             dedicated idealist, so he might have chosen Debian instead of
             Ubuntu. :-P
    <moldy>  hehehe
    <tpope>  why has Ubuntu become the distro of puns?
    <moldy>  has it? there are puns for other distros, too
   <Strogg>  Jesus came from long long ago. I bet he runs Debian stable.
             :)

    -- Ubuntu for Christians
    -- #vim, Freenode
%
On Sunday 01 April 2007, chromatic wrote:
> On Saturday 31 March 2007 15:26, Yuval Kogman wrote:
> > uses_version_control sounds more like lacks_manifest_skip_file which
> > should deduct kwalitee IMHO.
>
> Maybe so, but how else can CPANTS detect that you use the world’s most
> advanced version control system: CVS?
>

Are you kidding?

CVS is not advanced as:

1. Microsoft Visual SourceSafe - the only sane choice for good data integrity
and portability.

2. tarballs/zip-files and patches. This one excels in convenience, and
robustness.

CVS is a very advanced version control system, however. I do wish that
Subversion (which is a VCS that I have to use against my will) was as good as
it is.

    -- Shlomi Fish answering to chromatic on 01-April-2007

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Re: New CPANTS metrics" ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.qa/2007/03/msg8491.html )
%
* Larry Wall can understand the Perl code he wrote last year.

* Larry Wall gets the colon.

* There are at least 137 Larry Walls in the U.S. but only one that matters.

* Larry Wall applies a patch manually quicker than GNU patch.

* Larry Wall dreams in Perl.

* Larry Wall can program in his sleep.

* Larry Wall is lazy, impatient and full of hubris.

* Larry Wall has more dollars in the bank than in his Perl code.

-- Larry Wall facts by Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s "Larry Wall Facts" ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/ )
%
Electrical Engineering studies. In the Technion. Been there. Done that. Forgot
a lot. Remember too much.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Well, for the record, *I* am without faults, but I’ll mention them here
anyway:

1. I really hate scriptaculous

2. I kicked a dog the other day

3. I pushed an old lady aside, on my way to get a cup of free coffee

4. I secretly program in Python

5. I like to interject and make lists

    -- Jeff Anderson
    -- Post to London Perl Mongers ( http://london.pm.org/pipermail/london.pm/Week-of-Mon-20070402/007215.html )
%
I’m not an actor - I just play one on T.V.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
   <anonuser>  You know for when they finally decide to release that
               programatic abortion they call perl 6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: on Christmas.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: don’t know which one.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: you can download pugs and play with it.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, The running joke I have with friends is that Duke
               Nukem Forever (DNF) is being written in Perl6
    <rindolf>  anonuser: it’s an old joke.
   <anonuser>  rindolf, DNF and Perl6 together is an old joke?
    <rindolf>  anonuser: yeah.
    <rindolf>  anonuser: “Perl 6 is the language Duke Nukem Forever will
               be written in.”
    <rindolf>  Well, it’s not too old, but it’s a meme.
 <Aji-Dahaka>  rindolf: I’m the guy who’s going to port DNF from GNU/Hurd
               to FreeBSD

    -- Discussing Vapourware
    -- ##freebsd, Freenode
%
Trying to block Internet pornography is like climbing a waterfall and trying
to stay dry.

— Drew Dexter

    -- Drew Dexter
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
I’m not straight - I’m Israeli.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Hi Omer! Mazal Tov on Chen and yours marriage. It reminds me of a quote from
Charlotte Brontë’s Jane Eyre:

"At this period she married, removed with her husband (a clergyman, an
excellent man, *almost worthy of such a wife*) to a distant county, and
consequently was lost to me."

Well, in your case I can say that both of you are almost worthy of each other.
Congrats again!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Comment on Omer Shapira’s Blog ( http://omerm.livejournal.com/36505.html?thread=43673#t43673 )
%
> You keep using that word.  I do not think it means what you think it
> means.

It does not mean what I think it means, but it means what *you* think it
means.

<evil-laugh>Muahahahah…</evil-laugh>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-elitists ( http://allium.zgp.org/pipermail/linux-elitists/2007-April/011935.html )
%
A few weeks ago, I’ve been to Freenode’s #perl, talking to merlyn and other
guys, when we got to discuss the Biblical "Tower of Babel Myth". As it turned
out, the commonly perceived interpretation was not the one most scholars find
as more sensible, which is the one we ended up being taught at Junior High
School.

What most people think is something like that:

<<<

The people spoke to each other in the same language, concentrated in one
place, and decided to build a tower high enough so they can reach God. God, a
small dwarf who lived in the sky, was afraid of the efforts of these people,
because he feared they’ll reach him. So he cast an 8th level Spell of Language
Fragmentation, caused these people to speak in different tongues, and without
being able to understand each other, they ended up spreading across the Earth.
God was relieved and returned to his dwarfish deeds, as dwarfs do.

>>>

Shlomi Fish in (Based on what his Bible teacher said)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Blog Post ( http://shlomif.livejournal.com/11889.html )
%
   <CIA-1>  shlomif * r1712 gegl/ (ChangeLog docs/index-static.html.in):
   <CIA-1>  * docs/index-static.html.in: fixed "GEGLs" into "GEGL’s" and
            "GIMPs"
   <CIA-1>  into "GIMP’s" in the homepage.
   <mitch>  why is breaking the correct writing a fix?
   <mitch>  rindolf: ?
   <mitch>  rindolf: oh i misread :)
         *  rindolf gives some GEGLs and GIMPs to the mitches.
   <mitch>  haha :)
 <rindolf>  One GEGL each!
 <rindolf>  There’s not enough for everybody.
   <mitch>  GEGLS FOR THE MASSES
 <rindolf>  We should have an assembly line of GEGLs.
 <rindolf>  Mass-produce them for the ever-growing demand.

    -- One GEGL Per Child on GIMPNet’s #gimp channel
    -- #gimp, GIMPNet
%
   <adeht>  rindolf: my brother had AIMA in hard-cover.. and maybe I can
            get a hold of PAIP
   <adeht>  s/had/has/;
         *  adeht yays for perl
 <rindolf>  adeht: what did perl do?
   <adeht>  <adeht> s/had/has/;
 <rindolf>  adeht: it’s actually from sed and ed before that.
   <adeht>  I know, but I’m using perl syntax :)
 <rindolf>  adeht: now write it in Lisp.
   <adeht>  heh.
   <adeht>  in Lisp you wouldn’t use a regex for this kind of dumb
            substitution.. though you could
   <adeht>  rindolf: a nice way of writing CL code is to imagine your
            dream language for expressing that particular problem, and
            then realizing it :)
 <rindolf>  You probably wouldn’t use a regex in Python either.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I see.
 <rindolf>  adeht: I’m not going to implement Perl in Common Lisp. :-D
   <adeht>  heh

    -- Dream Language in Freenode’s #lisp-il
    -- #lisp-il, Freenode
%
> This reminds me of Paul Graham’s articles, in which he claims that LISP
> programmers are better. But why is it so (whether or not you agree to
> the conclusion)? There are at least two opposite reasons: 1. Because
> programmers that learned LISP become better 2. Because good programmers
> prefer LISP when they come to know it.

No. 1 is true, naturally. No. 2 is not true - I know LISP but I prefer Perl.
Other like Python, etc. The reasons I don’t prefer LISP are:

1. The standards of Common LISP and Scheme don’t define anything practical.
2. LISP is at the moment incredibly verbose.
3. As Larry Wall noted, all LISP code comes in parenthesis and so it all looks
the same. (Perl is the exact opposite in this regard).
4. I cannot make heads nor tails of serious LISP code. Many LISPers create so
many macros and use them along with regular LISP code, so you keep having to
refer to the previous definitions, and make a lot of research to get you
started.

SICP Scheme is easy and fun. But serious LISP code can take too much time to
understand. OTOH, recently I had little problem reading the source code of
other Perl programmers, and extending it or fixing bugs. (likewise for
Python).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to Linux-IL ( http://www.mail-archive.com/linux-il%40cs.huji.ac.il/msg39629.html )
%
We don’t know his cellphone number, and even if we did, we would tell you that
we didn’t know it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
plis tak mi auot from yuor mail list.

-- This Engrew sentence contains very few errors.

    -- Anonymous Israeli
    -- Message sent to Shlomi Fish
%
What do you mean by "WDYM"?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
Chen Shapira: spent 5 hours yesterday trying to get Windows to print on my new
wireless printer. It still doesn’t work. On Ubuntu it worked after few
minutes.

Shlomi Fish: Heh. Linux++ .

Chen Shapira: I’d do Windows-- , but this may result in an integer underflow.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A few days ago I joined #mandriva on Freenode trying to get to the bottom of a
problem I have with KMail at work, where I cannot start KAddressBook from
inside it. I asked my question and soon afterwards received:

* One Thunderbird recommendation.

* Two Evolution recommendations.

* One Sylpheed Claws recommendation.

* One GMail recommendation.

The problem is that I wasn’t interested to learn about alternative E-mail
clients, and just wanted to get my problem solved. And in GMail’s case it was
completely out of the question due to my work’s constraints.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The "Use qmail instead" Syndrome ( http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/use-qmail-instead/ )
%
I recently had to figure out how to do something with wget: get everything
below a directory on the web-server, without following links to outside it. So
I logged in to Freenode’s #debian channel, where there are many knowledgeable
people to ask it. The first answer I got was "RTFM". So, I read the wget man
page, but could not find it there. Eventually, after telling people that it
would be faster to give an answer, I got a reply ( add the -np -r flags). But
this has been the last straw.

I composed my own acronym. Just like RTFM is "Read the Fabulous Manual" and
STFW is "Search the Fabulous Web", then JATFM is "Just Answer the Fabulous
Man". It means that it’s usually faster to answer someone’s question than to
ask him to RTFM, which is just going to annoy him. I think the RTFM mantra has
done a lot of damage in the UNIX/Linux world, and I hope JATFMing would prove
to be a more healthy ideology.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Advogato.org Journal Post ( http://www.advogato.org/person/shlomif/diary.html?start=215 )
%
*A:* I’m busy right now - I have to do TWAIN.

*B:* Do Shania Twain?

*C:* Oh, I’d love to do Shania Twain.

—Adapted from a conversation on Freenode’s #perl

    -- Freenode #perl Participants
    -- Adaptation of an IRC conversation
%
       -->  spx2 has joined #soc-help
    <spx2>  I want to FIGHT FOR PERL IN GSOC !
    <spx2>  I feel the power of metal in my veins
    <spx2>  perl is flowing in my blood !
    <spx2>  What perl Armies can I join this YEAR ?
    <ambs>  spx2: a lot :)
    <spx2>  ambs: Hail BRETHREN !
    <spx2>  where are the armies ???
    <spx2>  I want to ENGAGE and start preparing my weapons !
    <spx2>  ambs: what projects are this year ?
    <ambs>  spx2: ideas at
            http://www.perlfoundation.org/perl5/index.cgi?gsoc2008_projects
    <spx2>  I will fight this year in the PERL battle !
 <rindolf>  spx2: Python is for the WEAK and TIMID!
    <spx2>  rindolf: TOTALLY !
         *  spx2 examines the war grounds

    -- Fight for Perl
    -- #soc-help, MAGNet
%
> So, yeah… there are no gods, only heroes.  And anyone can become
> a hero.  And even heroes are just regular people.
>

I don’t suppose we should propose that as an alternative to Perl Gods, there
should at least be Perl Saints:

http://www.stallman.org/saint.html

Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply. Using nothing but
Perl? (Including not C in which perl 5 is written?)

Oh well.

Not that I mind the Perl Gods stereotype stuff.

Regards,

        Shlomi Fish (a Perl saint^W hero wannabe, but definitely
        not a Perl God)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to to San-Francisco Perl Mongers Mailing List ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001644.html )
%
> > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
> >
> >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>
> Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?

No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter in:
    --http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html

    -- Shlomi Fish, frosty, Duane Obrien and David Fetter
    -- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001650.html )
%
>  > > > Of course, I’m not sure what being a Perl saint would imply.
>  > >
>  > >  It would imply having been killed for your faith in Perl.
>  >
>  > Does that make Randal the Spanish Inquisition?
>
>  No one expects the Randal Schwartz condition ;)

I almost feel honor bound now to start a noise band called The Randal
Schwartz Condition.  I could shout his rants into a microphone while
the rest of the band flogged a newbie live on stage.

    -- Duane Obrien in:
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html

    -- Duane Obrien
    -- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001651.html )
%
>>>>> "Duane" == Duane Obrien <duane.obrien at gmail.com> writes:

Duane> Alternately, The Randal Schwartz Condition is now accepting bookings
Duane> for birthdays, weddings, religious ceremonies of any kind, or occasions
Duane> where your consulting company throws a big party at some conference.
Duane> Email me off-list for details on how to get advance copies of our demo
Duane> "I’m The Real Tim Toady"

I’m already thinking of words to the "tune" of "I’m the real Slim Shady".

Damn you. :)

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html

    -- Duane Obrien and Randal L. Schwartz
    -- San-Francisco Perl Mongers Thread ( http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/sanfrancisco-pm/2008-April/001655.html )
%
> > In that case, lacking good links or a definitive reference text, I’ll have
> > to ignore your comment earlier.
> >
> > I hope it’s not much of a flamewar so far, but it sure seems to have
> > escalated into a minor one. "You are a Nazi!"
> > ( http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Godwin’s_law ) - oops!
>
> Please.  The Nazi’s were socialists.  I’m a little to the right of
> Attila the Hun.
>

And I thought Attila was a Humanitarian.

    -- Shlomi Fish, Guy Hulbert and Shlomi Fish in:
    -- http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html

    -- Shlomi Fish and Guy Hulbert
    -- Post to the Perl module-authors mailing list ( http://www.nntp.perl.org/group/perl.module-authors/2008/04/msg6432.html )
%
I often wonder why I hang out with so many people who are so pedantic. And
then I remember - because they are so pedantic.

— an Israeli Perl Monger

    -- Israeli Perl Monger
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
  <rindolf>  p13: do you write scripts?
      <p13>  rindolf, init scripts and sys maintenance scripts in csh sh
             and bash
      <p13>  but i suck
      <p13>  haha
      <p13>  i made them SO unreadable on purpose too
      <p13>  my var names for example
      <p13>  i would use random quotes from coworkers
      <p13>  like "wereoutofcoffee"
      <p13>  or "ihatemyjob"
      <p13>  etc etc
 <trashguy>  i hate people like you p13
      <p13>  trashguy, hahaha
 <trashguy>  at least the variables are obvious and not mistaken for
             functions and shit
 <elgrande>  i strongly recommend to call variables only: var1, var2, var3
             ... var999
 <elgrande>  but for purpose of clarity, after var999 continue with varB1,
             varB2,...
  <rindolf>  elgrande: <elgrande> i strongly recommend to call variables
             only: var1, var2, var3 ... var999 - excellent advice.
  <rindolf>  elgrande: LOL.
 <elgrande>  rindolf: and of course: cls1, func1, meth1, if1
 <elgrande>  so if var3 > var2 then var1 = cls3->meth2 endif
  <rindolf>  elgrande: heh.
  <rindolf>  obj997
 <elgrande>  everyone is understand this!
  <rindolf>  elgrande: I'll probably make a fortune cookie out of it.
 <elgrande>  obj997 behaves like this, because it implements if371
 <elgrande>  ^^
  <rindolf>  elgrande: you're still going.

    -- Variable Naming
    -- #not-##freebsd, Freenode
%
<monty-python>

A: You Linux kids are so lucky. When we were using Windows 95 and Windows 3.11
it kept getting stuck and we lost all our data. We had to reboot it.

B: You used Windows 95! Lucky Bastard! When I was your age, we used DOS on CGA
screens, and we were lucky if we had 4 colours, much less a true windowing
environment.

C: You had DOS with graphics? Lucky bastard! When I was your age, I used
VT-100 terminals connected to a VAX. 128 characters should be enough for
everybody?

D: Visual Terminals? When I was your age, we used teletypes on a PDP-11: the
computer printed on paper - very slowly. Can you imagine cat’ing a really long
document?

E: Teletypes were heaven compared to the punch cards that I was using. Imagine
going over to the computer with a large amount of punch cards and then
dropping them all.

F: Punch cards! What is this talk about punch cards? We input machine code
directly using buttons and LEDs.

G: And all *we* had were NAND gates!

</monty-python>

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Email Message
%
     <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <scorchsaber>  <all> Hi rindolf
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber: heh.
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber++
     <rindolf>  Or in Python:
     <rindolf>  scorchsaber+=1
       <rillo>  ??
     <rindolf>  rillo: Python does not have a ++ operator.
 <scorchsaber>  rindolf: Oh, but it does have a + operator.
       <rillo>  ah. I’m new to python so i did not know
 <scorchsaber>  A few days ago, it was suggested that I implement ++ using
                the + operator.
 <scorchsaber>  And I did so. :)
 <scorchsaber>  So, really, a++; is valid in Python, and it may even
                increment a by one. If somebody was crazy, anyhow, and if
                a was mutable.
       <rillo>  shall i move back to perl to get the ++
       <rillo>  ?
     <rindolf>  rillo: no, use COBOL instead.
     <rindolf>  ADD 1 TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
       <verte>  :(
       <verte>  eww, magic numbers!
     <rindolf>  "COBOL is the old Java"
       <verte>  ADD ONE TO COBOL GIVING COBOL
     <rindolf>  verte: heh.
     <rindolf>  verte: 1 is not a magic number.
     <rindolf>  ASSIGN 1 to ONE
     <rindolf>  0, 1, infinity.
     <rindolf>  verte: LOL.
     <rindolf>  verte++
   <\amethyst>  COMPUTE COBOL = COBOL + 1

    -- On Incrementing
    -- #python, Freenode
%
I met a guy in the bar, talked to her and she gave me her phone number.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#met_a_guy_in_the_bar )
%
   <rindolf>  TimToady: so BASIC was your first language?
  <TimToady>  no, English was my first language. :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: I started with XT ROM BASIC, but I suppose it was
              something like Perl 5 was to Perl 4 for your BASIC.
   <rindolf>  BASIC has greatly evolved since Dartmouth BASIC.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: ah.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: not Chomsky's Universal language?
  <TimToady>  feh
 <diakopter>  rindolf: what's the name of the Parrot implementation of
              Intercal?
     <Juerd>  21:04 <@TimToady> we have a test suite right now because of
              pugs
     <Juerd>  Very, very important.
   <rindolf>  diakopter: I don't know.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: yes, very.
   <rindolf>  Juerd: anyway, I expect that at every given time all tests
              will pass.
     <Juerd>  Well, there are probably bad tests too :)
     <Juerd>  Given the volume of the suite, and that pugs has never been
              able to even parse everything :0
     <Juerd>  :)
  <TimToady>  testrot accounts for many of those :)
   <rindolf>  TimToady: testrot...
   <rindolf>  TimToady++
   <rindolf>  How long does it take Pugs to run the entire Pugs test
              suite?
  <TimToady>  but a number of them were misunderstandings at the time
   <rindolf>  Because Pugs is kinda slow.
 <diakopter>  defudge should be renamed Passover...
  <TimToady>  used to run on my old laptop in about 25 minutes
   <rindolf>  TimToady: or cute bugs.
   <rindolf>  I mean implementation details.
   <rindolf>  TimToady: kinda long.
  <TimToady>  audreyt's dual core used to run them in 10 minutes
  <TimToady>  I haven't tried on my new laptop, since I haven't installed
              the lates ghc yet
  <TimToady>  first make it run, then make it run right, then make it run
              fast
   <rindolf>  TimToady: another problem with Pugs is that it kept
              requiring the latest ghc.
     <Juerd>  Did pugs drive GHC development perhaps? :D
  <TimToady>  shrug, you shouldn't pick on a software project when it's
              down
  <TimToady>  Juerd: yes, I believe some of that happened too
   <rindolf>  TimToady: "After Death - say holy."
   <rindolf>  TimToady: it's a Hebrew phrase.
  <TimToady>  Actually, I'm just about out of After Death--I've got a
              bottle of Mega Death now too.
  <TimToady>  just had some on my potatoes, yum.
  <spinclad>  sounds hot
  <TimToady>  of the first six ingredients, five of them are hot. Red
              habanero pods, cayenne chilies, white vinegar, natural
              pepper flavor, ancho chilies, chipotle chilies, molasses,
              guava nectar, fresh ginger, salt, spices.
  <TimToady>  'bout 550,000 scovilles
  <TimToady>  After Death is only about 500k
  <TimToady>  Tabasco is only about 35k
  <spinclad>  tabasco I’m calibrated on -- now i can (only) imagine
  <TimToady>  so roughly 15 times hotter
  <spinclad>  'add 1/15 drop per 100 potatoes'
  <TimToady>  I generally only use it about one "plop" at a time
  <TimToady>  unless I really want a large endorphin kick
   <rindolf>  TimToady: LOL.
  <spinclad>  enjoy yr clear sinuses
   <rindolf>  TimToady+=5
   <rindolf>  "After Death"
   <rindolf>  Reminds me of that screensaver.
   <rindolf>  "After Hours"
     <vixey>  After Dark
     <vixey>  with the flying toasters?
   <rindolf>  vixey: yes, that's the one.
   <rindolf>  Also had a nice Looney Tunes one.
   <rindolf>  "I now proclaim this computer in the name of Mars!"
   <rindolf>  (Marvin the Martian)++
     <vixey>  they were cool
   <rindolf>  I recall something about wine being able to run Windows
              screensavers.
  <spinclad>  "where's the kaboom? there was meant to be a case-shattering
              kaboom."
   <rindolf>  XScreenSaver is a pre-Autoconf hell from what I understood.

    -- BASIC, Pugs and "After Death"
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Two female dogs talking about modern-life:

*Jasmine:* It’s so cool! On the Internet, no one knows you’re a dog!

*Daisy:* Yeah, but everyone can tell right away that you’re a bitch!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#on_the_Internet )
%
  <pmurias>  rindolf: what is Park/Spark?
  <rindolf>  pmurias:
             http://www.shlomifish.org/open-source/projects/Park-Lisp/
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's still incomplete.
  <rindolf>  And I haven't updated it.
  <pmurias>  rindolf: if you like lisp/perl6 projects you might consider
             helping with a common lisp elf backend
  <rindolf>  pmurias: Common Lisp.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: thing is I think both CL and Scheme suck.
  <rindolf>  I like Lisp as a concept.
  <rindolf>  Arc is nice, but has too many implementation problems.
  <rindolf>  And missing features.
    <vixey>  Arc is not nice
  <rindolf>  I want to give a presentation to the Perl Mongers about
             "Foreign Languages: Lisp"
  <rindolf>  vixey: I like it.
  <rindolf>  Though I hate that "(not)" has become "(no)"
  <rindolf>  it's so non-English.
    <vixey>  it's just Tcl with horrible syntax
  <rindolf>  vixey: but it's missing a lot of exciting features.
  <rindolf>  Which PG deemed as unnecessary.
  <rindolf>  Doesn't look like the 100-years language to me.
  <rindolf>  Which is why - Spark!
  <pmurias>  why not just write an s-expression p6 dialect?
  <rindolf>  pmurias: could be.
  <rindolf>  pmurias: it's another approach.
  <rindolf>  But some things make sense in Lisp and not in p6.
  <rindolf>  For example, Perl does not like to use + for string or list
             concat.
  <rindolf>  While Python does and it seems to be OK in Arc too.
  <rindolf>  And in CL you have (concatenate) (yuck!).
  <pbuetow>  (((hehe)))
  <pmurias>  + for strings sucks
    <Auzon>  seconded.
    <vixey>  rindolf: If you don't like CONCATENATE you can just rename it
  <rindolf>  vixey: yeah.
  <rindolf>  vixey: but I'd rather not rename concatenate because then
             people won't understand my code.
  <rindolf>  vixey: as TimToady said people hate abstractions.
    <vixey>  yes they will rindolf
  <rindolf>  They want things to work out of the box.
    <vixey>  A program is many many totally newly defined procedures
    <vixey>  just renaming one thing is nothing in the context of a big
             program
  <rindolf>  vixey: "let's spend 3 days creating a new language, and 1 day
             implementing the solution with it."
 <TimToady>  if it would take 10 days without the new language, it's worth
             it
  <rindolf>  TimToady: yeah.
  <rindolf>  TimToady: but this is the CL mentality.
    <vixey>  no it's not
  <rindolf>  Sometimes you can take 1 day to write an API.
    <vixey>  CL is too diverse you cannot generalize like that
  <rindolf>  vixey: I meant a common idiom there.
  <rindolf>  I think I'll /quit and do something productive.
  <rindolf>  Like work on Spark.
    <vixey>  another quote:
    <vixey>  how to write any computer program in two easy stages:
    <vixey>  Design and implement the programming language which would be
             best for solving the problem.
    <vixey>  Write the program in the language you’ve just implemented.
  <rindolf>  vixey: or just use Perl which is the best for everything.
    <vixey>  heh
 <TimToady>  the second step is obvious--the best language for the job is
             one that does the job on a null input
          *  pmichaud notes that vixey's algorithm is somewhat recursive
 <TimToady>  "All rules of thumb are false, including this one."
  <pmurias>  rindolf: when you feel like writing Common Lisp backends,
             contact me or mncharity ;)

    -- Lisp Dialects (Scheme, Common Lisp, Arc, Spark) Mentality and Usability
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
<<<

[Discussing the shortage of IT workers as of 1998 on E-mail]

Shlomi Fish to Omer Zak: "Even the NSA doesn’t have enough programmers. But it
is not likely that they will have more and that’s because ‘Summerschool at the
NSA’ may might as well be the name of Sarah Michelle Gellar’s next movie."

Omer Zak to Shlomi Fish: "And as opposed to ‘I Know What You Did Last Summer’
it is going to be scary."

>>>

*Kilmo:* why would you like to make fun of the crypto world ? ;) The NSA does
know what you did last summer. And by putting this on the web, they know that
you know.

Which may lead to interesting philosophical issues. BTW, in a conference I was
attending we were given a sticker saying: "NSA - free email backup".

They still have some issue with the retrieval procedures, but besides of that
- they are quite a trusted service.

*Shlomi Fish:* In my case, I think every random Joe can learn a lot about me.
Even if he’s not in Google or the NSA or whatever.

*Kilmo:* Yep. But this is a world-wide service that they offer. (Along with
several co-operations, like MI5/6).

    -- Shlomi Fish and Kilmo
    -- Aphorisms Collection
%
*Ran Eilam To Shlomi Fish:* so what are you working on? Working on a new wiki
about unit testing fortunes in Freecell?

    -- Ran Eilam
    -- Jabber Conversation
%
Well, despite the fact that I hardly publicised my last essay about the
"Closed Books", it has been chromatic’d. Rumours are that all the bloggers
whose blog posts/essays were deprecated on chromatic’s blog are now rich,
famous and the object of the affection of many attractive members of the
appropriate sex. *Memo to self:* prepare a limited edition T-shirt: "My blog
post was chromatic’d. I pwn you as a blogger."

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- "Dealing with Approval Addiction (and Implied Stress Periods) ( http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/36812 )
%
Richard M. Stallman (RMS) decides to release his brand-new editor, "Emacs" on
the CPAN with its first version 29.999.99. In order to package it, he invokes
the trusty ol’ module-starter (see
http://search.cpan.org/dist/Module-Starter/) which creates a skeleton of a
CPAN distribution for him.

He fills in the skeleton with the actual code of Emacs, types "perl Build.PL",
and "./Build test" and makes sure all the tests pass. Then he types "./Build
config --gui" and gets a nice GUI to configure the various parameters of the
Module meta-data.[M-B-Data]

In the GUI, Richard goes to the Trove categorisation tab, and selects
categories. This is done in a similar way to Freshmeat’s project
categorisation dialog (a list of options to the left, with selected options to
the right and arrows to move them left or right, while allowing multiple
select options.). He chooses such categories as "Programming Language ::
Lisp", and "Intended Audience :: Emacs Users", "Operating System :: GNU", and
"Topic :: Editors". (Note: I believe the category list should be fetched using
a public web-service to keep them up-to-date.)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://github.com/shlomif/CPAN-Module-Classification/blob/master/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
After several weeks of having the editor on CPAN, Richard has received many
patches, and wrote a lot of code on his own. Now Emacs is not only an editor
but a calendar tool, an Eliza program, a web browser, a mail user agent and
many other things.

So in order to release version 30.000.00 he needs to update the
categorisation. He runs ./Build config --gui again, and adds more categories.
However, he enters too many categories (because Emacs now does them all), and
the GUI refuses to save the file because it will overflow the limit that the
web-service specified the CPAN classification services allow to handle. So
Richard keeps only the important categories, adds more tags, and saves it.

He then tests the distribution again, and uploads the new distribution to the
CPAN.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://github.com/shlomif/CPAN-Module-Classification/blob/master/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
Bill Gates, CEO of Microsoft decides to use Richard Stallman’s Emacs as the
basis of his company’s state-of-the-art product Microsoft Editing Macros™
Enterprise Edition XP .NET Professional. However since MS Editing Macros™ is a
commercial, proprietary program which he intends to sell at computer stores,
Bill is not going to upload it to the CPAN. He builds upon Emacs, sends
patches to Richard and learns a lot about it.

When he’s finished building Microsoft Editing Macros™ he surfs to the Emacs
homepage on CPAN, and adds some categories and tags of his own.

Eventually, enough people like Bill tag and categorise Emacs, and it gains
more classification.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Functional Spec for the CPAN Classification Proposal ( https://github.com/shlomif/CPAN-Module-Classification/blob/master/docs/functional-spec-for-CPAN-Classification-Proposal.txt )
%
   <rindolf>  "Who's the idiot that wrote this code?"
   <rindolf>  That's what many people say when looking at their old code.
 <jkauffman>  "I can't believe I used to listen to this crap"
 <jkauffman>  that's what people say when they look back at their old
              music collection
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I don't usually.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: I am however, a bit ashamed of some of the shows
              I liked when I was younger.
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: they seem a bit cheesy now.
 <jkauffman>  yes, you're onto such better things now that you can fully
              appreciate The Gilmore Girls
   <rindolf>  jkauffman: you can never truly appreciate The Gilmore Girls
              until you've watched it in the original Klingon.

    -- Looking Back at Your Old Habits
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: what's up?
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: just getting ready for work on this drizzly day
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: and feeling great
   <cl0ud>  rindolf: you?
 <rindolf>  cl0ud: sending an email to the Extreme Programming mailing
            list.
      <ik>  xtreme
      <ik>  rindolf: tell them that in order to be truly extreme, they
            need to ditch their pair-programming buddy system and start
            programming with spent ammunition and unexploded shells
 <rindolf>  ik: heh.
 <rindolf>  Extremist Programming
      <ik>  haha
 <rindolf>  Ik-stremist Programming.
      <ik>  :o
   <ispy_>  What about Psycho Coding?
   <ispy_>  :)
   <ispy_>  PSYCoder <--- cool name for an editor :)
   <cl0ud>  Psychaudit <- memory tester
 <rindolf>  Neuraudit
   <ispy_>  Hahah

    -- Really Extreme Programming
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
*Larry:* final exams are on Tuesday and through Friday, so you won’t see me
for a while, or if you do - then you should shoot me.

*Shlomi:* I Will shoot you with my cross-intertubes-laser-gun.

*Larry:* HAHAHA.

*Shlomi:* Which I don’t have.

*Larry:* Which network topology will you implement, for better accuracy ?

*Shlomi:* I’ll just depend on the standard TCP/IP routing. Overlay the laser
on top of the TCP packets.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- IM Chat with Larry
%
God gave us two eyes and ten fingers so we will type five times as much as we
read.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#God_gave_us_two_eyes )
%
Only wimps complain about bad code. Real men clean it up.

Shlomi Fish

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#only_wimps_complain_about_bad_code )
%
Wikipedia has a page about everything including the
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink .

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#wikipedia_has )
%
*shlomif:* hack, hack, hack ; save ; make ; make test; commit. And start over.

*mrjink:*hack, hack, hack; save; make; swear; fix typos; save; make; make
test; swear some more; hack some more; save; make; make test; cheer; commit.

*meep:* hack, make, test, segfault, oh noes, revert to previous revision

    -- Shlomi Fish and Others
    -- On Plurk. ( http://www.plurk.com/p/r9fq1 )
%
Well, it’s not a threat - it’s a warning, and he won’t be harmed much by
acting against my advice. A threat is something like "Stop posting political
posts or I will burn your house, rape your wife and daughters, banish you to
the middle of Antarctica, convert all your Perl code to PHP, and then post it
on thedailywtf.com."

Regarding what you say that "no one cares if you unsubscribe", then this
reminds me of what Fred Brooks says in "The Mythical Man-Month": "How does a
project becomes late? One day at a time.". If you’re not careful, you might
lose a large percent of your blog’s readership, one subscriber at a time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- use.perl.org comment ( http://use.perl.org/comments.pl?sid=42958&cid=68560 )
%
 <metaperl_work>  thank you
 <metaperl_work>  nothingmuch, i want to chat with you on kiokudb
       <rindolf>  Hi metaperl_work
      <confound>  you should chat with him on #kiokudb then
           <mst>  metaperl_work: you mean "about kiokudb"
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, hi! long time no see
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yes.
 <metaperl_work>  we are talking in #kiokudb confound
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what have you been up to?
      <confound>  no, this is #moose!
 <metaperl_work>  confound, "we" = me and yuval
 <metaperl_work>  rindolf, well.... keeping Seamstress up to date
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: yuval and I.
       <jhannah>  In related news: I’m chatting on my mobile phone
 <metaperl_work>  Moose is saving my life... SUPER handy
 <metaperl_work>  jhannah, what type of mobile phone?
       <rindolf>  metaperl_work: what is Seamstress?
          <purl>  Seamstress is really nothing anyway
      <confound>  it's on cpan
       <jhannah>  metaperl_work: please take that question to
                  #jhannah_phones
           <mst>  jhannah++
        <stevan>  jhannah: which network, there doesn’t seem to be anyone
                  there
   <nothingmuch>  i think Buffy might be a closet lesbian
               *  stevan HAS TO KNOW!!!!
        <stevan>  nothingmuch: duh
   <nothingmuch>  stevan: i think you kinda missed the joke =P
        <stevan>  take that to #closet-lesbian-vampire-slayers
       <jhannah>  i get jokes
       <rindolf>  stevan: LOL. stevan++
         <dhoss>  jhannah++
       <jhannah>  stevan: i have hundreds of invisible groupies in dozens
                  of #jhannah_* channels. they are well trained to be
                  quiet when interlopers lope in

    -- Take that to a different channel
    -- #moose, MAGNet
%
  <rindolf>  uwd: what's up?
  <rindolf>  BTW, how has English become the official language of
             Singapore?
  <Altreus>  Viral marketing
      <uwd>  Singapore has four official languages.
      <uwd>  one national one.
      <uwd>  also, politics.
      <uwd>  also, see wikipedia.
  <Altreus>  it knows all
  <Altreus>  [citation needed]
       <ik>  rindolf: it's a byproduct of the Richard Nixon / Henry Ford's
             campaign for chief taxonomist of western Nepal
  <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Languages_of_Singapore
       <ik>  (a coveted position)
  <Altreus>  taxonomist!
  <rindolf>  Wikipedia has an article about everything including the
             http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kitchen_sink
  <Altreus>  They are in charge of taxis!
  <Altreus>  disambiguation pages make me sad :(
       <ik>  I like the dis-ambiguity!
  <rindolf>  ik: heh
      <uwd>  i like disambiguation pages. They say "this thing you seek...
             it is not only one thing, you see? no, no, mon ami, this
             world, she is too big to contain only one of everything, eh?"
  <Altreus>  :D you talk like dee
      <uwd>  what.
  <Altreus>  wat
  <Altreus>  That message you said in French could have been typed by dee!
  <Altreus>  except it was you.
  <Altreus>  you doubleyou dee
      <uwd>  it was in English, actually.
  <Altreus>  okay
  <Altreus>  But it had some French in it
  <Altreus>  !
       <ik>  Two words! Four, if you count "no". Twice.
  <rindolf>  Yes, it sounded French to me too.
  <Altreus>  no is not French
  <rindolf>  non is.
  <Altreus>  oui!
  <Altreus>  elle n'a pas dit non
  <rindolf>  In any case saying "She" of the world is also a Frenchism.
  <rindolf>  Je ne sais pas.
       <ik>  But it's not French
  <rindolf>  Parlez vous anglais?
      <uwd>  it is also a generic Euroism.
  <Altreus>  oui
  <Altreus>  England is Europe too :(
      <uwd>  so not that French.
 <pkrumins>  Je m'appelle Pierre
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: heh.
 <pkrumins>  Je suis 24 ans!
  <Altreus>  Gods, the number of times I got contradicted at school for
             knowing that England was in Europe
 <pkrumins>  Je h'abite Riga
      <uwd>  Altreus: dude, given that was mostly English, i don't see why
             the sadface.
  <rindolf>  Tu s'appelle Peteris
  <Altreus>  it's no wonder stupid people make me violent
 <pkrumins>  Je'abite
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: not en Riga?
 <pkrumins>  maybe
  <rindolf>  or de Riga?
  <Altreus>  uwd: hmm
  <rindolf>  J'abite, non?
  <Altreus>  I seem to sadface a lot more than is necessary due to how I'm
             never actually sad
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  rindolf: habite
 <pkrumins>  Je monger a macdo.
  <Altreus>  il y a un h
 <pkrumins>  Je travailler on ordinator
 <pkrumins>  a programmator.
 <pkrumins>  Oui.
  <Altreus>  en!
  <Altreus>  probably au to be honest
  <Altreus>  but a l' because vowel
      <uwd>  l'ordinator?
  <Altreus>  And travaille is the first-person present participle
  <Altreus>  And -eur
  <Altreus>  But mostly right!
      <uwd>  why -eur?
          *  Altreus pats pkrumins on the back
  <Altreus>  ordinateur
 <pkrumins>  tehe.
 <pkrumins>  jadone chats
  <Altreus>  I wonder if a pink one is an ordinateuse
 <pkrumins>  (or was it chiens)
      <uwd>  it's so much easier to say she and mon ami and have people
             think it's French than actually speak French...
 <pkrumins>  i think chats
 <pkrumins>  j'adore chats
 <pkrumins>  jaim a perl chat
  <Shiyiya>  jain n'est pas un mot
  <Shiyiya>  *jaim
  <Altreus>  j'aime
  <Shiyiya>  aussi jadone n'est pas un mot
 <pkrumins>  hmm
 <pkrumins>  pawings
 <pkrumins>  all i can say
  <rindolf>  pkrumins: chien is a dog.
  <rindolf>  I think.
  <Shiyiya>  Yes, chien is dog
  <rindolf>  chat
  <rindolf>  chatte for feminine
  <rindolf>  http://en.wiktionary.org/wiki/cat

    -- How good is your French?
    -- #perl-cats, Freenode
%
What does "IDK" stand for? I don’t know.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#what_does_IDK_stand_for )
%
PHP error debug list:

1) did you use the correct argument order? if you’re a good programmer, use
the *reverse* from what you think it is. see if it works. no? you’re not a
good programmer, or you learned PHP’s braindeadness and can go on to step 2).

2) did you think about your code? if so, don’t. PHP will do it for you so you
can do mindbogglingly stupid stuff, such as not escape the data that goes into
your SQL queries.

    -- Dazjorz
    -- MSN Conversation between Dazjorz and Shlomi Fish ( http://dazjorz.com/ )
%
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I played with Squeak a little and yes I'd like
             a vim clone written in perl.
  <Makoryu>  Why isn't there one already, then?
  <Makoryu>  (A vim clone in Perl)
  <Su-Shee>  good question. there's one in javascript :)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: actually , it's a vi clone.
  <rindolf>  Writing a vi clone is much easier than writing a vim clone.
  <rindolf>  Just like writing a Scheme clone is much easier than writing
             a Perl 6 implementation.
  <rindolf>  Unless you're Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: darn.. he already wrote a vim in perl6?
  <moritz_>  no, he scared K&R into writing it ;-)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: Chuck Norris is the ghost author of the entire
             Debian GNU/Linux distribution.
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: and he wrote it in 24 hours, while taking snack
             breaks.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: yes, I know - he published Slackware under the
             pseudonym Patrick Volkerding...
  <rindolf>  Chuck Norris read the entire Wikipedia. Twice.
   <araujo>  the second time includes fixing all its errors
  <moritz_>  but he didn't commit his changes, it seems
  <rindolf>  moritz_: heh.
  <rindolf>  LOL.
   <araujo>  Chuck Norris doesn't commit changes, the changes commit for
             him
   <araujo>  :)
  <rindolf>  Code is too scared of Chuck to be wrong.
  <rindolf>  It is generated right in the first time.
  <rindolf>  Bugs are too afraid to reproduce on Chuck Norris' computer.
  <Su-Shee>  .o(I see a Chuck Norris release on the horizon... ;)
  <rindolf>  Su-Shee: :-)
  <Su-Shee>  we could ask Chuck Norris if he's willing to promote the star
             release.. ;)) (which probably kill the entire internet due to
             laughter.. :)
   <araujo>  Perl 6 - A Chuck Norris like language
 <dukeleto>  Chuck Norris has actually been using Perl 6 since 1987, and
             has been waiting for Larry to play catch-up. :)
  <rindolf>  dukeleto: LOL.
  <rindolf>  Perl 6 - Kicks ass like Chuck.
  <Su-Shee>  rakudo - chuck's choice ;)
  <Su-Shee>  well, Camelia and Chuck Norris go well together. ;)
  <rindolf>  OK.
  <rindolf>  Of course everybody know Chuck Norris is a real programmer.
  <rindolf>  He designs machines by combining individual atoms.
  <rindolf>  Using his thought.
  <rindolf>  Atoms obey Chuck Norris.
  <Su-Shee>  rindolf: you obviously have been starved and deprived of
             super hero comics in your childhood :)

    -- What you could assume was true about Chuck Norris
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
Give me ASCII or give me deaþ!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#give-me-ascii )
%
In the Technion, there are many ways to get from one place to the other, but
they are all the same length.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#technion-ways )
%
 <shlomif>  Hi Sjors the Awayer!
   <sjors>  Hi Shlomi the, uh
   <sjors>  Onliner! :P
 <shlomif>  I am not an Awayer!
 <shlomif>  I am a free man.
 <shlomif>  Onlinerer, heh.
 <shlomif>  Touché.
   <sjors>  ;)
   <sjors>  or is Awayer some kind of Hebrew word?
 <shlomif>  No, it's not.
 <shlomif>  It's pig-English for someone who is Away.
 <shlomif>  We don't have a "w" sound in modern Hebrew (replaced by "v"
            a-la-German) but most Israelis have no problems pronouncing
            it.
 <shlomif>  I have problems pronouncing th (maths) and dh (there).
 <shlomif>  Even though they did exist in Ancient Hebrew.
   <sjors>  many Dutch people have problems saying th too
   <sjors>  earth
   <sjors>  they say it eart
 <shlomif>  Ah.
   <sjors>  I tink
 <shlomif>  I say it ers
 <shlomif>  Heh.
 <shlomif>  You seem to be in a funny mood too.
   <sjors>  I tink you are dere
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  How's school?
   <sjors>  I've been feeling great lately :)
 <shlomif>  But OTOH you're a funny guy, anyway.
 <shlomif>  I think Zuu from ##programming is the comedian king of
            Denmark.
   <sjors>  haha
 <shlomif>  J/K.
 <shlomif>  I know many Israelis who are funnier than me IRL.
 <shlomif>  Or maybe also online.
   <sjors>  I know many Dutch people funnier than me
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  IRL?
   <sjors>  And online, I think
   <sjors>  Meh
   <sjors>  I've been playing openttd
   <sjors>  but those damn trains
   <sjors>  are SO STUBBORN
 <shlomif>  Well, no offence, but you're not the funniest person online.
   <sjors>  it's annoying me
 <shlomif>  I've known.
 <shlomif>  Sometimes trolls can be funny.
 <shlomif>  Larry Wall seems a bit less funny on IRC than on Usenet or
            E-mail.
 <shlomif>  But he's not always funny.
 <shlomif>  IRL, he's really funny.
 <shlomif>  He gives funny presentations.
   <sjors>  I don't have the place in ottd to *force* them to do the right
            thing, but they do stuff like making 90 degree corners,
            stopping three other trains in their tracks, just because it's
            like a millisecond shorter than the other route
 <shlomif>  Though I think they always get more serious towards the end.
   <sjors>  hmm :)
 <shlomif>  Is it a commercial game?
   <sjors>  OpenTTD?
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment.
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  The Open says everything.
   <sjors>  yep :)
 <shlomif>  I once gave a lightning talk about Template Toolkit and people
            laughed at the same slide twice , because I gave it twice due
            to a presentation equipment SNAFU*.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  Gotta love Ctrl+Up.
 <shlomif>  I think we've been there, though.
   <sjors>  hehe
 <shlomif>  Old joke.
   <sjors>  Didn't know it
 <shlomif>  I told you about it a long time ago.
 <shlomif>  It was you I think.
 <shlomif>  And then we did a session of two messages in a row.
 <shlomif>  ETOOMUCHINFORMATION
 <shlomif>  ETOOLITTLEKNOWLEDGE
 <shlomif>  ETOOHARDTOREADACRONYMS
   <sjors>  ah
   <sjors>  :P
 <shlomif>  EPLEASEUSESOMESPACES
 <shlomif>  EIWISHWEWEREUSINGSEXPRS
   <sjors>  ENOSPACEBARDETECTED?
 <shlomif>  You know what S-expressions are, right?
 <shlomif>  Indeed. No space bar.
 <shlomif>  Gotta press Alt+032
 <shlomif>  Or something.
   <sjors>  hmm
   <sjors>  I don't have a numeric keypad
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucks.
 <shlomif>  Mac O Sucky Computers.
 <shlomif>  No offence, I hope.
   <sjors>  MUCH OFFENSE TAKEN!
   <sjors>  Hands off my Mac! ;)
 <shlomif>  It's mine! All mine!
 <shlomif>  My precioussssssssssss.
 <shlomif>  I'll make a fortune out of this conversation, I think.

    -- Sjors the Awayer
    -- #sjors-and-rindolf, MSN Messenger
%
 <whoppix>  Quick git question, perhaps someone knows the answer: I have a
            file in my git tree (locally and in the repository), but I
            want git to ignore the file completely, i.e. git is not to
            touch the file on the file system by updating it or merging
            local changes into the repository
 <rindolf>  whoppix: you can use .gitignore
 <rindolf>  I think
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hmm, good idea, thanks.
 <whoppix>  that was slow.
 <whoppix>  rindolf, hmm, I think git update-index --assume-unchanged is
            what I need.
 <whoppix>  .gitignore is only for untracked files
 <rindolf>  whoppix: OK, have no clue what that is.
 <rindolf>  Git is so complicated.
 <rindolf>  And so opaque
 <whoppix>  rindolf, me neither, but the doc tells me to use that.
 <rindolf>  whoppix: can you believe the docs?
 <rindolf>  The docs may be lying.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust the docs.
 <rindolf>  Don't trust anything.
 <rindolf>  You're all alone.
 <rindolf>  It's you against the machine.
 <rindolf>  When in doubt, use the source code.
 <rindolf>  Not some sissy documentation.
 <whoppix>  right
 <whoppix>  I'll have some of what you've been smoking
 <rindolf>  whoppix: I'm 100% clean.

    -- Reflections on trusting documentation
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
             -->  ruby_on_tails has joined #jquery
               *  rindolf removes ruby_on_tails off his tail and meows.
               *  ruby_on_tails throws his paws at rindolf and scratches
                  his face
       <rindolf>  Fight!
               *  rindolf hisses at ruby_on_tails
               *  rindolf curves his back.
               *  rindolf is not a cat, he thinks, so why does he says
                  that?
       <rindolf>  On the Internet, no one knows you're a cat.
               *  ruby_on_tails deep-scratches rindolf's ass
       <rindolf>  Is there a word for a female cat.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: truce?
 <ruby_on_tails>  tiger b-)
 <ruby_on_tails>  B-)
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: all felines are friends.
       <rindolf>  We must be united against our common enemy.
       <rindolf>  Dogs or whatever.
               *  ruby_on_tails unites all breeds of cats against rindolf
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I am not the cats' no. 1 enemy.
 <ruby_on_tails>  you are :P
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: heh.
 <ruby_on_tails>  LOL
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: :-)
       <rindolf>  "Cats of the world - unite!"
 <ruby_on_tails>  they are already united
 <ruby_on_tails>  Andy-: ajax form submission
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails++ # Despite being a cat god in an awfully
                  bad mood.
 <ruby_on_tails>  :P
       <rindolf>  "Ceiling cat is watching you."
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: I totally dig the lolcat web-cartoons.
       <rindolf>  I derive a sick pleasure from them.
 <ruby_on_tails>  I just watch tom n jerry
       <rindolf>  Well, not really sick.
       <rindolf>  ruby_on_tails: tom is kinda stupid.
       <rindolf>  He's the cat, right?
 <ruby_on_tails>  yea
 <ruby_on_tails>  but he's got determination till the end :>
       <rindolf>  There's also Rita and Runt (sp?) in Animaniacs.
       <rindolf>  Rita is a smart cat.

    -- Felines of the world - unite!
    -- #jquery, Freenode
%
English spelling aims to be consistent. Publicly and methodically.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#english-spelling )
%
 <shlomif>  BTW, have you read my stories yet?
   <Sjors>  I haven’t
 <shlomif>  Ah.
 <shlomif>  "If you read my stories, I’ll give you 1,000,000 virtual
            dollars."
   <Sjors>  Causing me to have a lot of extra virtual time!
 <shlomif>  And be virtually rich.
 <shlomif>  And then you can virtually bribe virtual politicians.
 <shlomif>  And buy a lot of virtual goods.
 <shlomif>  LOL.
   <Sjors>  Then, I’d be virtually happy
   <Sjors>  Too bad... :P
 <shlomif>  It’s a virtual win-win situation.
 <shlomif>  You can hire many virtual programmers to write a lot of
            virtual code for KMess.
 <shlomif>  "My old virtual dad used to say to me: ‘virtual money does not
            bring you virtual happiness, my virtual son.’"

    -- Virtual money.
    -- Shlomi Fish and Sjors, MSN
%
   <TDDPirate>  Shlomi_Fish and me engaged in a religious argument - top
                posting vs. bottom posting.
   <TDDPirate>  What is your side (Pepy)?
        <Pepy>  hmm
        <Pepy>  bottom posting
        <Pepy>  i guess
        <Pepy>  well,guess bottom posting is winning then
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Heh.
   <TDDPirate>  Pepy: may you be damned, filthy heretic! TOP POSTING IS
                THE ONE AND ONLY TRUE WAY ! ! ! !
 <Shlomi_Fish>  TDDPirate: you are past redemption, you archangel of evil!
   <TDDPirate>  Shlomi_Fish: not to speak of your vile and wicked bottom
                posting ways!
        <Pepy>  so
        <Pepy>  go go bottom posting
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: that’s the way to go.
   <TDDPirate>  The way to go - if you want to be DOOMED! TO! ETERNAL!
                FIRES! OF! HELL!
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Top posting is for the weak and timid! I will challenge
                all top-posters to a Bat’lath contest for undermining the
                HONOUR of the entire Klingon race!
   <TDDPirate>  Don’t dare to defile the honor of the honorable Klingon
                Race by dragging them into this argument!
        <Pepy>  Sujatlh ‘e’ yImev TodSaH!
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: nice Klingon.
        <Pepy>  thanks, Shlomi
   <TDDPirate>  Is this Klingon? And if yes, what does this mean?
        <Pepy>  yes it is
        <Pepy>  and it means “shut up geeks”
 <Shlomi_Fish>  Pepy: I may be a geek, but I’m a true Klingon
                geek-warrior!
   <TDDPirate>  Nice use of the language, Pepy.
 <Shlomi_Fish>  And a true Klingon geek warrior ALWAYS bottom-posts.
        <Pepy>  no no,true Klingons have power to change quoted tops
   <TDDPirate>  Pepy: do you mean that Klingons have the power to defile
                and make filthy of sacred E-mail messages?
        <Pepy>  no,but they’re used to “edit” history
        <Pepy>  ah, when they ask me how the hell I managed to write so
                good band propositions
        <Pepy>  I’ll tell em,the secret is to chat with geeks about top vs
                bottom posting

    -- Bottom vs. Top Posting.
    -- Shlomi Fish, TDDPirate and Pepy, MSN
%
     <d3x>  BTW, you can do mplayer -dumpaudio -dumpfile file.mp3
     <d3x>  no need to re-encode
 <rindolf>  This -dumpfile is a nice trick.
 <rindolf>  Is it new?
 <rindolf>  I wonder when mplayer will hit 1.0 already.
 <rindolf>  Ah.
 <rindolf>  All the stuff I saw told me to use WAV and then encode.
     <d3x>  mplayer and 1.0? I’m not really sure it's their goal
 <rindolf>  They will stay at 1.0RC-foo forever?
     <d3x>  although i would be glad if they had some sensible versioning
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  At the moment perl-Mojolicious is at 0.999924.
 <rindolf>  At least perl-Moose hit 1.00
     <d3x>  LOL
 <rindolf>  Without any substantial changes from 0.99.
 <rindolf>  But you've got to upgrade somehow.
 <rindolf>  perl-Moose is MDV/RH notation, but I like it.
     <d3x>  IMO, it's just stupid not to release 1.0
 <rindolf>  I dislike libmoose-perl
 <rindolf>  Yes.
     <d3x>  wine did so and now they have normal versioning
 <rindolf>  Though most of my CPAN modules are sub-1.0.
 <rindolf>  http://search.cpan.org/~shlomif/
 <rindolf>  I think except for one module (where I used 0.2.0 0.4.0 and
            eventually hit 0.8.0 and had to go to 1.000) all my 1.0 and
            above modules are adopted.
     <d3x>  they are sub-1.0, but they are not 0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5
     <d3x>  :)
 <rindolf>  One of them used the CVS revisions as versions.
 <rindolf>  d3x : LOL.
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  d3x: can I quote you on that?
     <d3x>  i say it's stupid to make releases up to 0.9.something and
            then not to release 1.0
 <rindolf>  I collect quotes on my homepage.
     <d3x>  sure you can
 <rindolf>  At the moment I have freecell-solver-2.42.0
 <rindolf>  But I hope the new release will be 3.0.0
     <d3x>  the one that was bought by Freecell Solver Enterprises? :D
 <rindolf>  I've left GNOME and gtk+/glib behind.
 <rindolf>  d3x yes.
 <rindolf>  Freecell Solver Enterprises™ Inc.
 <rindolf>  Ah, so you've seen that.
     <d3x>  yes, you posted a link on #debian
 <rindolf>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  You should add a digest to the version.
 <rindolf>  0.9.999.2010.03.11-rc5-adc83b19e793491b1c6ea0fd8b46cd9f32e592fc
     <d3x>  LOL
 <rindolf>  In case you're using git or hg.

    -- d3x and Shlomi Fish (rindolf) about FOSS Versioning
    -- private conversation, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  sarnold: you go to OGI?
 <sarnold>  rindolf: no; but my boss and a co-worker are professors there,
            and other co-workers earned degrees there..
 <rindolf>  sarnold: OK.
    <muli>  sarnold, have you got one of those pesky things?
 <sarnold>  muli: just Bachelor of Arts .. no Masters or Ph.D...
 <rindolf>  sarnold: B.Sc or B.A.?
    <muli>  rindolf, Bachelor of Arts is B.A.
 <rindolf>  muli: I know. But I was just checking.
 <sarnold>  rindolf: ah, you’re right, B.Sc.. I chickened out on the
            language requirements :)
 <rindolf>  muli: see?? LOL.
    <muli>  rindolf, sometimes, two bugs cancel each other.
 <rindolf>  muli: wisely spoken.
 <rindolf>  But mine wasn’t a bug - it was a sanity check.

    -- Not a bug
    -- #offtopic, OFTC
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <rindolf>  Why are there both #ruby and #ruby-lang ?
   <erikh>  mmm
   <erikh>  some questions
   <erikh>  you know
   <erikh>  they're best not asked :)
 <rindolf>  erikh: "The first rule of the fight club is you don't talk
            about the fight club."
   <erikh>  pretty much.
   <raggi>  no, you punch them in the face until they get the message
   <erikh>  raggi: haha. hi man.
 <Judofyr>  The first rule of #ruby-lang is you don't talk about #ruby.

    -- #ruby-lang and #ruby
    -- #ruby-lang, Freenode
%
    <Radar>  and on a completely unrelated note
    <Radar>  http://ryanbigg.com/2011/04/rails-3-1-in-action
  <rindolf>  Radar: I know it's rehearsed, but I prefer reading dark on
             bright rather than the opposite.
  <rindolf>  Radar: let me see if there's an alternate stylesheet.
    <Radar>  rindolf: Command+Option+Control+8
 <workmad3>  heh
  <rindolf>  Radar: I'm not on a Mac.
    <Radar>  rindolf: then whatever the shortcut is for you to invert your
             screen.
  <rindolf>  Radar: Firefox 4.0 on Mandriva Linux Cooker on an old
             P4-2.4GHz.
  <rindolf>  Radar: yeah....
  <rindolf>  Radar: that way XChat and Pidgin will be in technicolour.
 <workmad3>  Radar: so, once you've gotten Rails 3.1 in Action out, are
             you going to be going for Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows?
  <rindolf>  Well, I applied a no-stylesheet.
    <Radar>  workmad3: Rails 3.2 in Action on Windows(r) 7(tm) actually.
 <workmad3>  Radar: I'll reserve my copy now :D
  <rindolf>  Radar: good luck with that.
  <rindolf>  Radar: will the book be available online for free
             view/download?
 <workmad3>  rindolf: a windows book? for free?
 <workmad3>  are you crazy???
  <rindolf>  workmad3: Windows?
  <rindolf>  workmad3: it's about Rails.
    <Radar>  rindolf: no it will cost money
  <rindolf>  Radar: ah, OK. :-(
 <workmad3>  Rails 3.2 In Action on Windows(r) 7(tm)
 <workmad3>  it'll cost big bucks!!
  <rindolf>  workmad3: heh.
  <rindolf>  Ultimate Premium.
    <Radar>  Yes, I'm going to spend a year of my life writing a book and
             then release it for free, yay
    <Radar>  how about no?
 <workmad3>  Radar: don't forget the Enterprise Rails 3.2 on Windows In
             Action 7(tw)
 <workmad3>  you can charge double for that one... it has enterprise in
             the title!
    <Radar>  workmad3: how did you know about the third installment of the
             trilogy?! only Yehuda and I know of that
 <workmad3>  Radar: I'm really yehuda in disguise
 <workmad3>  dammit... I should have waited 25 mins to reveal that...
  <rindolf>  Radar: well, I'm now working on an EPUB of
             http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TheEnemy/ but DocBook/XML is
             giving me some grief in generating a valid EPUB.
  <rindolf>  I think I'll fix the EPUB manually.
  <rindolf>  I'll have to study the EPUB format.
  <rindolf>  Radar: it's a story - not a technical book.
  <rindolf>  Radar: http://perl-begin.org/ - this took me several years to
             work on (well not 100% of the time) and it's mostly CC-by.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: who'd pay for stuff on perl though? :P
  <rindolf>  workmad3: you'd be surprised.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: I doubt it
  <rindolf>  workmad3: I think chromatic's latest "Modern Perl" book was a
             smashing success.
 <workmad3>  my sense of surprise has been surgically removed
  <rindolf>  workmad3: even though it was available online the whole time.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: but Perl is a bit passé and established.
  <rindolf>  Radar: people will torrent your book/etc.
 <workmad3>  also, I think I need to colour my sarcastic text differently
  <rindolf>  workmad3: ah, OK.
 <workmad3>  or maybe just my non-sarcastic text
  <rindolf>  chromatic did an awesome job.
 <workmad3>  would probably be easier
  <rindolf>  Use <sarcasm> ... </sarcasm>
 <workmad3>  too much typing
  <rindolf>  Human XML.
  <rindolf>  Write an IRC client macro for that.
 <workmad3>  I'll just put <nonsarcasm> when I'm not being sarcastic
  <rindolf>  Heh.
 <workmad3>  assume that previous one was escaped
  <rindolf>  XSS!
  <rindolf>  1+1 = 2. [citation needed]
  <rindolf>  I like this channel.
  <rindolf>  But I admit I'm not big into rails.
 <workmad3>  it doesn't like you
 <workmad3>  it's looking at you funny
 <workmad3>  muttering under it's breath
 <workmad3>  :P
  <rindolf>  Most of my sites are hosted on something which I don't care
             what it runs or alternatively static HTML sites.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: :-)
  <rindolf>  I'm so making a fortune out of this conversation.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: have you ever considered being a stand-up comedian?
 <workmad3>  rindolf: nah... I'm too lazy
  <rindolf>  workmad3: ah.
 <workmad3>  rindolf: if I could sit down while doing it, I'd be a
             millionaire :P
  <rindolf>  workmad3: heh.
  <rindolf>  workmad3: more like a milliardaire.

    -- workmad3 drives Radar and rindolf mad.
    -- #rubyonrails, Freenode
%
       <Diablo-D3>  Feminists
       <Diablo-D3>  So anti-women rights douchebags.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: well, I don't know too much about how
                    feminism relates to the global women-lib movement.
         <rindolf>  I do know I kinda hate feminazis, which I consider a
                    subset of feminists.
       <Diablo-D3>  It's a bunch of women who are pissed than other women
                    are getting dicked more often than them.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: heh.
       <Diablo-D3>  So they "hate" men, but secretly want to be tied to a
                    bed and boned repeatedly.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Diablo-D3, please don't lump me in that group.
       <Diablo-D3>  Lady_Aleena: that is up to you, not me
       <Diablo-D3>  I do not create feminists, I only laugh at them
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: I don't think you're a feminazi.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: you're really cool.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: at least on IRC.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Thanks... :)
     <Lady_Aleena>  Though I still want to break a guy's fingers.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: and don't take what Diablo-D3 says
                    seriously.
     <Lady_Aleena>  I try to keep an open mind.
       <Diablo-D3>  rindolf: hey now
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: well, you or I can want to kill some
                    people and it's OK as long as we don't actually do it.
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, NOT kill, maim.
       <Diablo-D3>  any woman who tries to take away the rights of other
                    women should be flogged in the town square.
     <Lady_Aleena>  One can not change the mind of the dead.
     <Lady_Aleena>  However, one can change the minds of the maimed.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: in one of my stories (still work in
                    progress), the protagonist wants to punch her
                    boyfriend, but she knows better than that and so just
                    goes away frustrated.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: let me translate that part to English.
       <Diablo-D3>  rindolf: that is boring!
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: :-)
     <Lady_Aleena>  She should have kneed him in the nuts.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: maybe she should shoot him with a bazooka.
       <Diablo-D3>  Clearly the chick should hit the guy, the guy should
                    hit back, and then they should have wild sex.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: it's in public.
     <Lady_Aleena>  UH! S&M!
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, the best place.
         <rindolf>  Diablo-D3: it's actually an anti-thesis to a lot of
                    Hollywoodian stuff.
         <rindolf>  Lady_Aleena: to have wild sex?
     <Lady_Aleena>  rindolf, sure, why not?
     <Lady_Aleena>  A dom makes her sub perform sexual acts on demand, no
                    matter the place. If insufficient the sub is flogged.
     <Lady_Aleena>  s/A dom/A dom, with no inhibitions,/;
                 *  Lady_Aleena giggles.
     <Lady_Aleena>  I think I just sent 2 men running for their mommies.
       <Diablo-D3>  no, we're too busy fapping.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Good.
     <Lady_Aleena>  Good little perl boy…
       <Diablo-D3>  LOL
       <Diablo-D3>  evil Lady_Aleena
     <Lady_Aleena>  Bad perl boy, no cookies...
                 *  Lady_Aleena is now known as Mistress_Aleena
         <rindolf>  Mistress_Aleena: heh.
                 *  Mistress_Aleena laughs.
         <rindolf>  Well, that scene continues.
         <rindolf>  In the balcony.
         <rindolf>  They end up making out.
         <rindolf>  I can translate more I guess.
 <Mistress_Aleena>  No need.
         <rindolf>  Mistress_Aleena: maybe you should be Madame_Aleena
                 *  Mistress_Aleena is now known as Madame_Aleena
         <rindolf>  I wonder if I should make a fortune out of this
                    conversation.
         <rindolf>  It's a bit Rish instead of PG-13ish.
   <Madame_Aleena>  little rindolf, go for the X.
         <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Motion_Picture_Association_of_America_film_rating_system
         <rindolf>  Madame_Aleena: X!
         <rindolf>  X marks the spot.
         <rindolf>  X-Windows.
   <Madame_Aleena>  Yes it does, little rindolf.
         <rindolf>  Maybe you should be Hotbabe_Aleena
         <rindolf>  Madame_Aleena: BTW, did you register Mistress_Aleena
                    and Madame_Aleena ?
   <Madame_Aleena>  Yes.

    -- Go for the X.
    -- #perlcafe, Freenode
%
Shlomo: Mosheh, remember I told you about Katie?

Mosheh: oh yeah! She looks cute when she’s angry.

Katie: Moses, right?

Mosheh: that’s right.

Katie: well, in case you have any interest in me, I should note that I have a
policy against getting involved with people who are 4 times my senior or more.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
Ross: I can’t believe he could not tell the other guy wasn’t really a
dinosaur.

Chandler: Well, cartoon characters usually have a difficulty seeing through
disguises.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOneW-the-Fountainhead/ )
%
Ross: You’ve already read it (= the Fountainhead)?

Joey: Yeah [puts the book down]. I was in acting school, and the guys decided
to throw a discussion on it. So, I decided that I’ll read the book so I can
make a good impression on the ladies if y’know what I mean…

Rachel: Yep, we know what you mean.

Monica: So, did you get laid that night?

Joey: No. I spent the entire night discussing /The Fountainhead./ [pause]
Interesting book.

Chandler: Must have been one of the most stimulating nights of your life.

Joey: Not quite as much as the next night.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOneW-the-Fountainhead/ )
%
Joey: Hey, know what we can do, so I can get prepared for the audition? Let’s
role-play our own version of "The Fountainhead".

Rachel: Our own version? Why would we want to write our own version of it!
This book is great.

The others: "Yes." "One of the best books I ever read." "Can’t get better than
this"

Joey: Come on, if you wanted to write it today, would you write the same book?

[Silence.]

Phoebe: Well, for one thing: didn’t it bother you that Dominique Francon, the
main female character, didn’t do anything in the best years of her life,
except like… sleeping with people?

Ross: yeah. All the characters in fact do nothing in the 20’s and 30’s, except
maybe build a couple of buildings.

Joey: If you ask me: the book is too slow-paced for the 90’s. I mean, in the
60’s it may have worked but we’re in the information age now.

Ross: Joey, "The Fountainhead" was written in 1943.

Joey: Yeah, but it was still good enough in the 60’s right? OK: our own
version of "The Fountainhead" - here’s what I think it should look like

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- The One with the Fountainhead (Part 1) ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/TOneW-the-Fountainhead/ )
%
Voice: Earth - the initial frontier. Somewhere in the depths of space, on a
remote planet you know as Earth, came up a relatively uncommon phenomenon:
Civilization. What it means is that intelligent,

[A text on the screen with a beep - (?)]

Voice: conscious

[A text on the screen with the same beep - (?)]

Voice: Stop it!

[A text on the screen with a different beep - (!)]

Voice: Like I said, intelligent, conscious, people formed cities and
countries, with a technology that became more and more advanced in time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Humanity - The Movie ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/humanity/ )
%
Mike “The Mouse” House (a.k.a “D.J. Salinger”) was a minor rap artist, and a
computer geek when he decided to start selling CDs of open-source software. He
turned to spamming to publicise his business, but found out that the spam he
sent was trapped by most spam traps. He decided to use the notorious obscured
image spam, but since he had a few blind friends, decided to also include an
audio recording of a rap song with the spam message.

House received a few offers from his spam campaign, but his real break came
when a few enthusiasts of the spam song shared it on the Internet, where it
became an instant hit. The song eventually hit the charts and MTV, and made
D.J. Salinger famous, who quickly released his first successful album called
/Rap to the spam, Ma’am!/, with such highly acclaimed hits as “Rap to not get
trapped” and “He ain’t Nigerian. He’s a Spammer!”.

As a millionaire, House decided to donate some of his money back to sponsoring
open-source projects, and has donated 100,000’s of U.S. Dollars to such causes
as [the Free Software Foundation](http://www.fsf.org/), [Linux
International](http://www.li.org/) and
[SpamAssassin](http://spamassassin.apache.org/). “If it hadn’t been for them,
I wouldn’t have made it big”, he said, and said he’s now working on a second
album with a similar theme.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “Spam for Everyone” - The International Campaign for Accessible Spam ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Spam-for-Everyone/ )
%
I promised, I forgot, I did not keep my promise — just shoot me, and get on
with it!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#I_promised )
%
An original philosopher knows the right combination of ideas to steal.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#original_philosopher )
%
* To err is human - to apologise - divine.

* To have bugs is human - to fix them - divine.

* To have bugs is human - to find them - divine.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#to_err_is_human_corollaries )
%
I might be mad. But I’m a mad genius.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#might_be_mad )
%
If God exists and is the ego-maniacal, sadistic and helpless creature that is
described in the Old Testament, then we’re in deep trouble.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#if_god_exists )
%
*Sophie:* Let’s suppose you have a table with 2^n cups…
*Jack:* Wait a second - is ‘n’ a natural number?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
A kid always wishes they were older until they are 18. Afterwards, they always
wish they were younger.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
*Shlomi’s Father:* If you don’t sort the dishwasher, the dishwasher won’t be
sorted.

*Shlomi:* No, it won’t be sorted by me.

*Shlomi’s Father:* No, it won’t be sorted at all. We will throw away the
dishwasher.

*Together:* Along with all the dishes.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
All languages of the world suck. If you require people to declare variables
(like in Pascal, C,
[Scheme](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Scheme_%28programming_language%29) or
Perl 5 with [strict](http://perldoc.perl.org/strict.html)), then people will
tell you they like variables to spring up upon first use. Without variable
declarations, then you get various weird side-effects of the implicit scoping.
If you use curly braces for scoping, then you’ll have to type more and there’s
more clutter. With indentation-based scoping (like in Python), you’ll find it
hard to introduce multiple-expression
[lambdas](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lambda_calculus#First-class_functions).

Rob Pike and Paul Graham hated object oriented programming (OOP) and so they
didn’t introduce it in their
[“Go”](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Go_%28programming_language%29) and
[“Arc“](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Arc_%28programming_language%29)
languages, well after OOP has become mainstream. And guess what? Many people,
including me, think that OOP is still a good thing (and no, in my opinion, C++
did not do OOP very well) and so gave up on Arc quickly and did not look
closely at Go.

Dynamically typed languages (like Perl 5, Python, Ruby, or Lisp) possibly
suffer from many subtle errors; Statically typed languages (like Haskell) are
less expressive and it seems that about one third of the language design
papers published on [Lambda the Ultimate](http://lambda-the-ultimate.org/) are
about various funky extensions to the Haskell type system to allow for better
expressiveness.

Purely functional languages have no assignment and most people find them
harder, in part because the world around us has a lot of state, and they also
need to do funky compiler tricks to make you feel like you don’t need
assignment. Non-functional languages have side-effects and so are prone to
many errors.

If you have goto or goto-like statements (such as exceptions or Perl 5’s “last
LABEL;” (more like “break” in C) or “next LABEL;”), then you encourage code to
not be factored correctly. If you don’t have such stuff, then programmers will
hate you for having to go through many hoops to write quick-and-dirty code.

Perl 5 has a dedicated regular expression syntax which is treated magically by
the parser. PHP and Java use strings for them, and require weird escaping and
backslashing rules to interpolate the sub-regexes inside them. And if you
incorporate a first-order syntax for regular expressions, then people will
want similar first-order syntaxes for XPath, for XML (like some recent
versions of Visual Basic .NET have), and for all other grammars you may need
to embed.

Finally, many people absolutely hate all the clutter created by the leading
[sigils](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sigil_%28computer_programming%29) of
Perl 5 (the "$", "@", etc.), and similar languages, but they allow for much
better backward compatibility, facilitate the so-called “interpolation” (=
embedding inside strings), and also give some important visual cues when
skimming code (even without syntax highlighting).

*You are damned either way*, whatever you do.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Your Programming Language Must Suck ( http://shlomif-tech.livejournal.com/57811.html )
%
* 1 User to start a http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Changing_a_Light_Bulb
article.

* 1 editor to tag it with the “No original research” template. (Without giving
a reason)

* 3 users to find citations for the article.

* 1 editor to claim it violates the wikipedia “Neutral Point of View policy”.
(without giving a reason).

* The original user to ask why he thinks this way on the talk page.

* 5 users to find occurrences of changing a light bulb in popular culture.

* 1 anonymous user to correct an “it’s” to “its”.

* 1 editor to revert it.

* 1 editor to revert the revert because it was a real typo.

* 10 users to rant in the talk page that Changing a lightbulb is not notable
enough.

* 10 Wikipeders to start similar articles in French, German, Spanish, Catalan,
Esperanto, Ido, Hebrew, Klingon, Mandarin Chinese, and other languages.

* 10 more people to periodically keep the articles in sync with the English
version.

* Starting the cycle again on the localised wikipedias.

* 1 Person to argue that the article should be merged into the main article
about the inventor of the lightbulb.

* 5 People to argue on the talk-page who the inventor of the lightbulb was.

* 1 Person to start a wikiquote page about changing lightbulbs.

* 1 Person to add it to wikibook.

* 4 persons to gradually delete content the section about “choosing a good
chair” until it only reads “choose a good chair.”

* 1 person to write it again.

* 1 deletionist to remove the article due to all of its perceived problems.

* 3 months from now:

* 1 different user to feel the absence of the Changing_a_Light_Bulb article,
create it and start the cycle all over again.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- How many Wikipeders does it take to Change a Light Bulb? ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/How-many-Wikipedia-Editors/ )
%
As expected from the latest trend in the Perl blogosphere this post will be
about Roles. And Moose! And Roles in Moose! And Moose in Roles! And Roles
outside Moose…

Seriously now, this is a post about a completely non-Moosey and non-Roley
script I wrote to filter the use.perl.org master journals' feed.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Meta: Script to Filter the Master use.perl.org Blogs' Feed ( http://use.perl.org/~Shlomi+Fish/journal/38969 )
%
          <rindolf>  Hi all.
         <Leuthihi>  O HAI rindolf
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: HAI HAI.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: what's up?
         <Leuthihi>  rindolf: I'm hungry!
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: there's one antidote for it.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: it's called Food.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: </bolt>
         <Leuthihi>  well, but what food?
         <Leuthihi>  and I need coffee
         <Leuthihi>  oh, I think I know what I'll have.
 <benwbrum_chez_so>  Chili. A big bowl of red, with crackers and onions on
                     the side.
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: does it matter?
            <Volis>  If it has to be some cuisine.
            <Volis>  Did I spell correctly?
          <rindolf>  Volis: spell what?
            <Volis>  oh yes.
            <Volis>  cuisine.
          <rindolf>  "cuisine" is spelt this way.
          <rindolf>  Yes.
          <rindolf>  It's a French word I think.
          <rindolf>  .ety cuisine
           <la_fen>  "1786, from Fr. cuisine 'style of cooking,'
                     originally 'kitchen, cooking, cooked food' (12c.),
                     from L.L. cocina, earlier coquina 'kitchen,' from L.
                     coquere 'to cook' (see cook (n.))." -
                     http://etymonline.com/?term=cuisine
          <rindolf>  OK, originally from Latin.
            <Volis>  never mind. Which cuisine is the best?
            <Volis>  In general
          <rindolf>  Volis: I like many cuisines.
           <Gvidon>  Russian, of course
          <rindolf>  Volis: though most of the ethnic food is actually
                     poor men's food.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: Russian cuisine?
           <Gvidon>  rindolf: Yes
         <Leuthihi>  well, yes, because I need something to eat to be able
                     to eat it.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: what does it feature?
            <Volis>  Russian cuisine lacks flavour.
           <Gvidon>  rindolf: Vodka
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: ah.
         <Leuthihi>  In Soviet Russia, food tastes YOU!
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: I didn't know Vodka is nutritious
          <rindolf>  Leuthihi: :-)
            <Volis>  In Soviet Russia, They no longer use this meme. :P
         <Leuthihi>  Vodka has plenty of calories at least.
          <rindolf>  Gvidon: and I don't consume Alcoholic beverages in
                     any quantity.
          <rindolf>  Volis: :-)
         <Leuthihi>  Volis: because: In Soviet Russia, meme uses You!
          <rindolf>  «In Soviet Russia, cats own you. Oh wait! They own
                     you everywhere.»
            <Volis>  Considering the fact, i'm still underage. Please
                     change the topic.
          <rindolf>  Volis: underage?
          <rindolf>  Volis: ah, you cannot drink?
            <Volis>  In Soviet Russia, left keeps you. Always.
            <Volis>  "Dear fellow driver, let left be for communist crap
                     only"
            <Volis>  rindolf, Rules of the world.

    -- Russian cuisine
    -- ##English, Freenode
%
E-mail, web feeds and doing something productive — choose two.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- LiveJournal.com Post ( http://shlomif.livejournal.com/4002.html )
%
The worst way to waste your time is to never waste it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Unarmed but Still Dangerous Post ( http://unarmed.shlomifish.org/1342.html )
%
*Sophie:* I’m hungry today.
*Jack:* well wait until tomorrow - maybe this feeling will pass.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#Im-hungry-today )
%
We agree. But do we agree to agree?

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#We_agree )
%
sed and awk make me sad and awkward.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
 <linuxguy101>  sebsebseb: i thought you were abducted by windows 8
     <rindolf>  sebsebseb: hi.
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: windows got him
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: if you say so.
 <linuxguy101>  he is trying to find that icon in windows 8 that has irc
                on it
 <linuxguy101>  average users it usually will take a day or longer
 <linuxguy101>  it is a productivity enhancer
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: heh.
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you must get windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  it is an experience in windows you will never forget
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: why?
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: it is like windows me and vista combined with a
                bunch of retarded programmers who cant speak the same lang
 <linuxguy101>  it is jaw dropping
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: sounds fascinating.
 <linuxguy101>  i expect Microsoft will earn some rewards on this os
 <linuxguy101>  like longest boot time.. Hardest os to use by a human. And
                most compatible os with itself ever made.
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: :-)
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you must switch to something less useful and more
                productive like windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  think of the hours you could spend on windows 8.. remember
                it is retro
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: retrofitted?
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: yes.. down to 2 or 4 colors.. Steve Balmer in a
                cocaine brain storming meeting with the developers decided
                to move to a GUI that was un pattoned so they invented
                retro.. simple and stupid colors a 4 year old child could
                barely read or draw
 <linuxguy101>  he called it retro
     <rindolf>  Retro.
 <linuxguy101>  clearly a first in computing history
     <rindolf>  Now I get the joke.
     <rindolf>  Metro is Retro.
 <linuxguy101>  oh it is no joke.. just wait for windows 8 lack of sales
                prompt Steve Balmer to shove it down into the updates for
                windows 7
 <linuxguy101>  on a side note, did you know that linux is becoming more
                popular now days?
 <linuxguy101>  i don’t know why..
 <linuxguy101>  rindolf: you really should try windows 8
 <linuxguy101>  at least virtual box it..
     <rindolf>  linuxguy101: maybe I should, but I'm not going to shell
                out money for the experience.
 <linuxguy101>  Warning!: using windows 8 may cause massive hysteria,
                laughing and vomiting in some cases..
 <linuxguy101>  the first time i used windows 8 i laughed uncontrollably
                for several hours and almost wet myself

    -- Win 8, Lose 9
    -- #mageia-social, Freenode
%
The English Wikipedia: now you don’t see it - now you do.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all.
 <srogers>  howdy
 <rindolf>  srogers: hi, what's up?
 <srogers>  work, mostly
 <srogers>  "one of those days"
 <rindolf>  Ah.
 <rindolf>  Work.
 <rindolf>  I'm enjoying my unemployed status.
 <rindolf>  And after all that hospital thing is behind me, I'd like to go
            to tau.ac.il and set up some events where I read from my
            writings/etc.
 <rindolf>  To gain some esteem.
 <rindolf>  I contacted an Israeli publisher about publishing some of my
            stories and/or essays, but they didn't return to me after more
            than a month (which is their designated limit).
 <rindolf>  And after reminding them on the phone, I gave up.
 <rindolf>  Well, I'm not going to sit idly and expect recognition to come
            to me.
 <rindolf>  Maybe I'll use some of my Project Wonderful money to gain some
            publicity.
 <rindolf>  I could try publicising some of my works on various sites such
            as http://www.calamitiesofnature.com/
 <srogers>  Yeah - promote yourself
 <rindolf>  srogers: yes.
 <rindolf>  srogers: I think that was the main mistake of Howard Roark in
            The Fountainhead.
 <rindolf>  He should have worked more on publicity.
 <srogers>  ha - if only he had Facebook . . .
 <rindolf>  Heh.

    -- Bringing the mountain to Muhammad
    -- Objectivism, Freenode
%
     <mrout>  Who likes freedom?
     <mrout>  FREEDOM
   <rindolf>  mrout: freedom++
    <Younos>  just give me my beer
   <rindolf>  Younos: heh.
   <rindolf>  No beer for you!
    <Younos>  aww :o(
     <mrout>  I’m in non-freedom mode atm actually, using Windoze
     <mrout>  for the gamez
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
     <mrout>  but when I restart into Linux I respect the freedoms of
              myself and others
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
    <Younos>  you should respect it regardless of the platform
   <rindolf>  mrout: maybe try reporting it as a bug in WINE/etc.
   <rindolf>  mrout: the GNU project encourages FOSS developers to port
              their software to non-free platforms.
   <rindolf>  Though there was a small backlash about it (at least for
              Windows) a while ago.
 <alfplayer>  encourages?
     <mrout>  rindolf: I sure hope it does. if we can encourage users to
              try FOSS software on non-free platforms, they might more
              easily learn about FOSS and about how to protect their
              freedoms
   <rindolf>  http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/download.html - I provide a
              Windows binary for this. :-)
     <mrout>  Many users don’t even know they can get software that
              respects their freedoms.
   <rindolf>  alfplayer: well, don't know if encourage, but it doesn't
              hold a stand against it.
   <rindolf>  alfplayer: and a lot of GNU software can be built fine on
              Windows (And proprietary UNIXes).
 <alfplayer>  rindolf: that's very different imo
 <alfplayer>  rindolf: yes, like gcc and emacs
     <mrout>  btw is rms ever on here? He gave a talk at my local
              university a few years ago, and I never got a chance to talk
              to him.
   <rindolf>  http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=should-perl-drop-sco-support
              - also see this.
     <mrout>  LOL
   <rindolf>  mrout: I don't think he uses IRC.
   <rindolf>  mrout: he also doesn't use a graphical web browser.
   <rindolf>  mrout: though he does read the web sometimes.
     <mrout>  rindolf: i haven’t installed X yet, so neither do I. haha
   <rindolf>  He commented on a few pages on my site.
   <rindolf>  When he visited Israel, I told RMS that I felt making
              Freecell Solver Public Domain (now it's MIT/X11L) was
              appropriate given its target audience, and he said he
              thought making it GPLed would encourage more users of
              programs that used it to make them FOSS.
   <rindolf>  He also said it was OK that freshmeat.net (now freecode.com)
              did not release their backend as free software.
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
     <mrout>  freecode.com?
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, I think he doesn't even use links or lynx or
              Emacs' www-mode.
   <rindolf>  mrout: yes.
   <rindolf>  mrout: they changed their name and domain.
     <mrout>  who are they? NEVER heard of them
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://freecode.com/ - it's a nice way to discover
              some interesting software.
   <rindolf>  mrout: they are a web-directory for UNIX software.
     <mrout>  do they host it?
   <rindolf>  mrout: no.
     <mrout>  quite unlike something like github, then?
   <rindolf>  mrout: just link to it.
     <mrout>  cool
     <mrout>  will try to remember that
   <rindolf>  mrout: also see
              http://www.shlomifish.org/lecture/Freecell-Solver/slides/freshmeat_effect.html
   <rindolf>  mrout: not everything there is FOSS.
      <mtjm>  http://stallman.org/stallman-computing.html explains his Web
              use
   <rindolf>  mrout: and not everything is there.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but I try to publicise most of my major software
              there.
      <mtjm>  IRC would need a constant network access which is difficult
              when travelling (and needs much more time than batch mail
              writing)
   <rindolf>  Well, most of the software published there is either niche
              or quite boring.
     <mrout>  rindolf: Freecell Solver on freecode is the first result
   <rindolf>  mrout: for what?
     <mrout>  that google search
     <mrout>  I fail to see a problem
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, thing is there are other Freecell solvers.
   <rindolf>  mrout: and what I said is that I clog the search.
     <mrout>  Oh, I see what you mean
     <mrout>  that’s a good thing for you, though
   <rindolf>  mrout: lots of junk like
              FreeBSD/Debian/Ubuntu/Mandriva/Mageia packages.
   <rindolf>  mrout: that's what I call the freshmeat effect.
   <rindolf>  I get http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/ as the first hit. :-(
   <rindolf>  Damn bubbling.
   <rindolf>  https://duckduckgo.com/?q=freecell%20solver - here (no
              bubbling) I get the wikipedia Freecell page as a first hit.
     <mrout>  rindolf: bubbling?
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://dontbubble.us/
     <mrout>  I get NZ results
     <mrout>  hahaha
   <rindolf>  mrout: NZ?
     <mrout>  rindolf: where are you from?
   <rindolf>  mrout: Israel.
     <mrout>  New Zealand.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but shlomifish.org is hosted in hostgator.com .
   <rindolf>  I used to host it in a small Israeli hosting provider but
              they were too unreliable.
     <mrout>  I asked, because i expected it to be US, and so I’d say “I
              know what US stands for, but you don’t know what NZ stands
              for? Shame on you.”
   <rindolf>  mrout: I know that .nz is New Zealand.
   <rindolf>  mrout: but didn't understand the initialism in the context.
   <rindolf>  mrout: some Americans think .il is Illinois.
   <rindolf>  And .ca is California.
   <rindolf>  Well, there's also .la.
     <mrout>  ahh
   <rindolf>  And .tv.
     <mrout>  haha
     <mrout>  tv? that must be for Tajikistan. >.>
   <rindolf>  mrout: no.
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/.tv
     <mrout>  joke
     <mrout>  that was a joke
     <mrout>  I know it’s not for television stuff, LOL
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tuvalu
   <rindolf>  mrout: OK.
   <rindolf>  .tk domains are free.
     <mrout>  yeah
     <mrout>  Woo tokelau
           *  rindolf wonders if there is .fs.
   <rindolf>  There should be a country called .if so I can register
              shlom.if
   <rindolf>  Someone registered shlomifi.sh. ;-)
   <rindolf>  Not me, though.
   <rindolf>  https://www.google.com/search?q=.lf - no .lf either.
   <rindolf>  We need more countries.
     <mrout>  I wish there was a .ut
     <mrout>  so I could get mro.ut
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
   <rindolf>  Well, I can register shlomif.name.
     <mrout>  I already have rout.co.nz (that’s my dad’s actually) and
              rout.geek.nz (mine)
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah.
   <rindolf>  Are top-level .nz domains available?
   <rindolf>  like rout.nz
     <mrout>  you can’t get milesroutisawesome.nz, no
   <rindolf>  Ah.
     <mrout>  or rout.nz >.>
   <rindolf>  OK.
   <rindolf>  .il domains are kinda costly and they used to require
              faxing.
   <rindolf>  And I don't feel my domains are particularly
              Israeli-related.
     <mrout>  ahh
   <rindolf>  Well, I originally got shlomif.il.eu.org.
   <rindolf>  But its DNS was flaky.
     <mrout>  .eu.org?
   <rindolf>  So I ended up buying shlomifish.org
     <mrout>  what’s your actual name?
   <rindolf>  Now I also have shlomifish.com
   <rindolf>  mrout: Shlomi Fish.
     <mrout>  Ahh
   <rindolf>  mrout: eu.org is free DNS.
     <mrout>  ?
   <rindolf>  But I guess you get what you pay for sometimes.
   <rindolf>  mrout: it's not .eu (European union).
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://eu.org/
     <mrout>  that site’s odd
     <mrout>  what’s wrong with .eu
     <mrout>  shit a brick, they want a separate ccTLD for
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Saint_Martin_(France)
   <rindolf>  mrout: nothing is wrong with .eu - it's just that eu.org is
              something different.
   <rindolf>  eu.org predates .eu.
     <mrout>  ahh
     <mrout>  it annoys me that the US doesn’t use .us more
     <mrout>  and clutters .com
   <rindolf>  Well, there's also .gov, .net, .org...
   <rindolf>  .mil
   <rindolf>  .navy
     <mrout>  exactly
   <rindolf>  mrout: I also have http://shlom.in/
     <mrout>  it’s pretty americo-centric
   <rindolf>  Could not get http://shlom.fi/ because my domain registrar
              did not have it.
   <rindolf>  shlom.in is my own custom (and private) URL shortener.
   <rindolf>  Some overzealous spam filters blocked it.
   <rindolf>  Ah, domains.
   <rindolf>  The bread and butter of Internet conversations.
     <mrout>  LOL
   <rindolf>  I know someone who has http://ali.as/
   <rindolf>  Well, from the Internet.
   <rindolf>  And there's also cr.yp.to which is Dan Bernstein.
   <rindolf>  DJB.
     <mrout>  domains, vim vs emacs and hello_there vs helloThere.
     <mrout>  cr.yp.to is cool
   <rindolf>  mrout: and tabs vs. spaces.
     <mrout>  but hard to type
     <mrout>  eugh
     <mrout>  cr.yp.to is hard to type
     <mrout>  spaces, vim, hello_there or HelloThere, but never
              helloThere.
   <rindolf>  Since I have http://perl-begin.org/ and want to create a
              site for Vim beginners, I should get a good domain.
   <rindolf>  vim.perl-begin.org or vim.shlomifish.org does not look good.
     <mrout>  vimschlomfish
     <mrout>  LOL
     <mrout>  shlom
     <mrout>  vimshlomfish
     <mrout>  what about vim-begin.org?
   <rindolf>  mrout: maybe I'll get tech-begin.org
   <rindolf>  I think begin.org is already taken.
     <mrout>  yea
     <mrout>  by one of those shitty domain hoggers
   <rindolf>  Heh. begin.tel is available. \o/
     <mrout>  i’d love mil.es
   <rindolf>  Not that I want it.
     <mrout>  begin.tel?
     <mrout>  begintel?
     <mrout>  $17/yr for mil.es
     <mrout>  YES FUCK YES
   <rindolf>  OK, I registered begin-site.org and begin-site.com
   <rindolf>  On https://www.domainsite.com/ .
   <rindolf>  I figured most people won't "guess" begin-site.net... ;-)
     <mrout>  nice
   <rindolf>  So I'll have http://vim.begin-site.com/ and
              http://vim.begin-site.org/
     <mrout>  what about rindolf.com
     <mrout>  begin-site seems a bit clunky
   <rindolf>  mrout: rindolf is only my IRC nickname.
     <mrout>  still
   <rindolf>  mrout: and I already have www.shlomifish.org
   <rindolf>  mrout: I don't see why most people will STFW for "rindolf"
              or "shlomi fish" or whatever.
   <rindolf>  Most of the people come to my site using more generic
              searches.
   <rindolf>  https://duckduckgo.com/?q=fountainhead%20parody - first hit
              !
     <mrout>  STFW?
   <rindolf>  mrout: search the fab web.
   <rindolf>  Like RTFM.
   <rindolf>  Using Google, Duck Duck go, Bing or whatever.
     <mrout>  fucking web, I assume
   <rindolf>  mrout: true.
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/User:Shlomif/Freecell_Solver -
              this was deleted because it was not notable enough.
              F****king deletionists.
     <mrout>  they deleted your user page?
   <rindolf>  mrout: no, only /wiki/Freecell_Solver
     <mrout>  oh
   <rindolf>  mrout: access the link - it's there.
   <rindolf>  Just not visible on default searches.
     <mrout>  “lacks references showing notability” you mean apart from
              the fact it’s the top google result for Freecell Solver?
              FUUUUU wikipedians
   <rindolf>  I restored it before it was deleted.
   <rindolf>  mrout:
              http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker%27s_Dozen_%28solitaire%29
              - some people on #wikipedia (or #wikipedia-en) told me this
              may not be notable.
   <rindolf>  There are a zillion pages about it.
   <rindolf>  And Wikipedia covers almost any other Solitaire variant.
     <mrout>  LOL, fucking wikipedia
   <rindolf>  Yes.
     <mrout>  articles about every steeple in Italy, but not about ever
              solitaire variant
     <mrout>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Baker%27s_Dozen_%28solitaire%29#Solvers
   <rindolf>  mrout: also about football players.
     <mrout>  your article should be restored
   <rindolf>  mrout: yes, maybe.
     <mrout>  I’d almost be convinced to do it myself
   <rindolf>  mrout: are you a wikipedian?
     <mrout>  sort of
     <mrout>  I have an account
   <rindolf>  mrout: well, I added the [[Freecell Solver]] link.
   <rindolf>  Hoping someone will fill it in.
   <rindolf>  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/FreeCell#Solvers - there is a
              cursory mention of it there.
     <mrout>  mmm
   <rindolf>  mrout: this section was deleted previously because it was
              not "Encyclopedic enough."
   <rindolf>  mrout: that Wikipedian had tons of complaints against him on
              his user talk page.
   <rindolf>  mrout: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Tom_Christiansen - this
              used to be about the Perl developer (and co-author of
              several books).
   <rindolf>  Now it's about an olympic athelete.
   <rindolf>  Well, I added that page, and people enhanced it, but then it
              was deleted. :-(
     <mrout>  not even an olympic athelete
   <rindolf>  mrout: ah, yes, just world competition.
     <mrout>  didn’t even place
     <mrout>  compared to an author and developer of one of the most
              popular programming languages
     <mrout>  :/
   <rindolf>  Yes.
   <rindolf>  Oh well, Wikipedia.
   <rindolf>  The worst encyclopedia in the world except for all others.
 <galex-713>  ?
     <mrout>  hahaha
     <mrout>  yeah
           *  galex-713 slaps mrout
 <galex-713>  Wikipedia is perfect!
           *  galex-713 hides
     <mrout>  hardly

    -- #gnu stuff
    -- #gnu, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  Hi all.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS , moritz , hoelzro , Juerd : hello! What's new?
   <moritz>  everything with a new enough timestamp
   <FROGGS>  rindolf: nothing
  <rindolf>  moritz: heh.
   <FROGGS>  I assume rindolf doesn’t meant -Inf :o)
 <timotimo>  moritz: feel like reviewing/merging
             https://github.com/rakudo/rakudo/pull/113 ? froggs and me
             both spectested it :)
          *  rindolf unleashes his inner Sarah Michelle Gellar to kiss
             moritz for his inventive avoidance of saying what he is up
             to.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: I’m old enough to remember the invention of the
             Camel.
   <FROGGS>  rindolf: well, if you want to know what we are up to you may
             ask that
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: “When I was your age, Jennifer Lawrence was called
             Sarah Bernhardt”
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: moritz will always find a way to avoid it.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: unless threatened.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: or sweet talked.
   <FROGGS>  and today is my first day off, and on Wednesday starts the
             German Perl Workshop, so still stuff to prepare
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: nice.
  <rindolf>  FROGGS: prepare hard! Enjoy hard! Rest hard!
  <rindolf>  Step 4: profit hard!
  <rindolf>  Step 5: retire hard!
 <timotimo>  Step 6: die hard!
  <rindolf>  timotimo: LOL.

    -- He who lives hard, dies harder
    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
I recall discussing Buffy with a Jewish American friend, who used to be
secular, and now has become an observant Jew, and married a woman who properly
converted to Orthodox Judaism, and they have some children. We discussed the
fact that Sarah Michelle Gellar was Jewish, and yet that many men (and some
Lesbian women) were more attracted to Alyson Hannigan’s character, Willow
Rosenberg, who was a shy and sheepish, redhead, Jewess. Then when I mentioned
that Hannigan was only a maternal Jew, he said she is “kosher” (because
someone whose mother is Jewish and who did not convert to a different
religion, is a bona-fide Jew). I found it amusing that you refer to women by
the same word as you do to food, but I think the ancient Hebrew word "kasher"
also means "approved", "appropriate", "legal", etc.

In any case, both Hannigan and Gellar are now married, and so trying to
separate between them and their husbands is not kosher. ;-)

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the /r/buffy subreddit ( http://www.reddit.com/r/buffy/comments/1bpplm/joke_buffys_actresses_and_kosherness/ )
%
[There are three young men dressed as Klingons who fight with Bat’leth in the
park. Selina is passing by and shakes her head in disapproval. The three
notice Selina, and quickly run to her.]

Warrior #1: Hail The Slayer, we are but your humble slaves!

Selina: [Shocked] And who might you be?

Warrior #1: We are The Three - three vampire brother warriors, who have been
fighting since the dawn of time.

Selina: And you are Klingons…

Warrior #2: We can assume any form.

Warrior #1: Yes, we can fight using any weapon, and we are masters of them
all.

Selina: so you can fight with something that’s not a Bat’leth?

Warrior #1: Of course, for example, we could fight using the Huge Sword!

Warrior #2 and Warrior #3: Yeah, the Huge Sword!

The Three: [in unison] Huge Sword!

[Warrior #1 snaps his fingers, and some of these ridiculously large swords
from World of Warcraft appear on the ground.]

Selina: Wow, can you fight using them?

The Three: [non-dramatically] Eh, eh, we cannot lift them.

Selina: Guess not. [Puts her palm on her eyes.] Maybe try something smaller
and not as heavy.

Warrior #2: Yes, smaller.

Warrior #3: And not as heavy.

Warrior #1: You're not thinking about the smallest… yet deadliest weapon for a
mighty vampire warrior… the wooden toothpick!

[The three cry “yeah”. Warrior #1 snaps his fingers and the huge swords are
replaced by small wooden toothpicks.]

Selina: Toothpicks? Have you blokes been watching too much Sesame Street?

Warrior #1: Why, of course! Every mighty Klingon warrior has watched Sesame
Street.

Selina: Mighty Klingon vampire warriors who have watched Sesame Street… this
decade royally sucks!!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
The Israelites and the Philistines schedule a large battle. The Philistines
have far superior equipment with armours made out of iron, which the
Israelites don’t have. Eventually, Goliath, a tall Philistine giant, steps
forward and asks for an Israelite man worthy enough to fight him and determine
the fate of the battle (something which was quite common in the ancient Near
East). It seems the Israelites will lose the battle.

Out of nowhere, a young Israelite boy whom hardly anyone knew about steps
forward with a sling and a few pebbles. Goliath thinks this is ridiculous and
ridicules him. However, the boy quickly puts a pebble in his sling, and after
rotating the sling to achieve a very large velocity (not unusual with slings)
hurls the pebble with great accuracy (also not unthinkable, because shepherds
in the Near East effectively used slings to kill lions and other predators to
their flock) into Goliath’s face, which was uncovered to allow him to see.
Even if Goliath’s shield bearer wanted to, he could not lift the huge shield
in time, and Goliath was completely not agile in his suit and armour. The
sling’s rock smashes Goliath’s brain, and he falls to the ground dead. The
Israelites have won the battle.

That boy’s name was David.

Why is it important here? Because David was a “hacker”. Why was he a hacker?
Because he knew the rules, and played by them, but knew how to bend them, in
order to earn his victory. Hackers bend the rules.

And here’s the thing: this is what an action hero is all about: he makes his
own rules, or he even breaks them, and does not accept his fate. This is
whereas a tragic hero is bound by many invisible rules, and accepts his fate,
which is, almost certainly going to be death.

And in real life, you should also aim to be a hacker or an action hero, or the
many phrases it used to be called.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Summerschool at the NSA ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ )
%
Worf: Commander Dax, I explicitly prohibit you from asking about Mr. Q’s roles
as a husband and a father.

Jadzia: You are right, Commander. I’ve realised something: throughout this
whole trip through the wonders of the Q continuum I’ve been far too selfish
and only thought about myself. I should have thought about you, too.

[She turns towards Avigayil]

Jadzia: Avigayil, could you, by any chance, allow us to meet Kahless the
Unforgettable in his living dead self, I’m sure Commander Worf here would love
to meet him.

Worf: Actually, Commander, I don’t think…

Jadzia: [Interrupting him] Oh, you don’t? That’s a shame. Well, I’ll go meet
him alone (always wanted to, you know). Worf, I think Kahless will be
disappointed not to meet you, but I’ll tell him you’re a big fan of his, and
I’ll let you watch the video of me meeting him and…

Worf: [Sighs] Commander Dax, you are impossible.

Fine, let’s go meet Kahless if that’s humanly possible.

Avigayil: Sounds good. The whole mission from Deep Space Nine can go with you,
I’ll notify Kahless. He’s a big fan of a lot of you.

Amanda: OK, let’s summon Katie and her gang of no-goodnicks too. She wouldn’t
want to miss it.

Quark: Yes, and it’s high time we merged the two sub-plots in the future
movie. “Too much of a good thing is a bad thing. But only for your customers”.
Rule of acquisition No. 172.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
       <abba>  it's thrax!
       <abba>  fuck, this place is quiet now
    <rindolf>  abba: SHOUT!! SHOUT!!! LET IT ALL OUT!!!!
    <rindolf>  These are the things I can do without.
       <abba>  COME ON!
 <thraxatron>  shh abba i'm observing
    <rindolf>  abba: I'm talking to you.
       <abba>  <3 tears for fears rindolf
 <thraxatron>  wasn't that a disturbed song
            *  abba facepalms
 <thraxatron>  i had that album
    <rindolf>  abba: :-)
       <abba>  sure, disturbed may have covered it
            *  rindolf is listening to Lynyrd Skynyrd - Sweet Home
               Alabama.
       <abba>  but that's like saying creep is your favorite Korn song
 <thraxatron>  it is though
       <abba>  :P
    <rindolf>  Kid Rock’s http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uwIGZLjugKA (All
               Summer Long) is also good.
 <thraxatron>  also i really like 99 luft balloons
 <thraxatron>  by Goldfinger
       <abba>  Dancing queen by Wing
       <abba>  http://youtu.be/XqBWvmhS-AY
    <rindolf>  thraxatron: heh.
       <abba>  i have no idea why i listened to that whole thing, i'm
               never going to get that time of my life back
 <thraxatron>  holy shit all summer long is five years old
 <thraxatron>  what am i doing with my life
      <dean0>  beach boys title of the same is much older.... :(
      <dean0>  ...fortunately I'm not quite that old
            *  abba mourns for his youth
       <abba>  Me neither, but I did like the Beach Boys a lot as a child
      <dean0>  yah me too

    -- Do the song of life
    -- #reddit, Freenode
%
Wikipedia deletionists don’t die. They lose notability and get deleted.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#deletionists_dont_die )
%
It’s kinda, sort-of… pretty much… quite… awesome I tell you - awesome! Got it?
It’s kinda awesome!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#kinda )
%
*Shlomi Fish:* Whenever you spell “JavaScript” with a lowercase “s” (and a
capital “J”), God kills a kitten.

*Joel Crisp:* Whenever you use JavaScript on the server, God kills a
datacenter.

    -- Shlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
    -- Facebook Post (originally via Twitter) ( https://www.facebook.com/shlomi.fish/posts/10151840874526981 )
%
<<<

There are two kinds of fools. One says, “This is old, and therefore good”.
And one says, “This is new, and therefore better”.

>>>

— [John Brunner](http://en.wikiquote.org/wiki/John_Brunner), /The Shockwave
Rider/

<<<

Two more kinds of fools. One says: “This is popular, and therefore good”.
The other says: “This is good because it’s not popular”.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish (though may not be a 100% original sentiment).

    -- Shlomi Fish and Joel Crisp
    -- Facebook Post (originally via Twitter) ( https://www.facebook.com/shlomi.fish/posts/10151840874526981 )
%
<<<

That’s why I feed my leprechaun every day — because there are not enough
phonemes in Navajo to tell him to get his act together and find a job.

>>>

— Shlomi Fish‘s response to [“Above All That is Random
5”](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izne8XcaBBg) when asked “That’s why… what?”

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Comment on “Above All That is Random 5” ( http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=izne8XcaBBg )
%
   <ZetaNeta>  i wonder, if one day, developers will lose the possibility
               to write code no one else can understand.
   <ZetaNeta>  If CPUs will start running interpretable code
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: you can always obfuscate code.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: nothing guarantees that a code will be readable.
   <ZetaNeta>  yeah, that is why i wish people will lose the ability to
               write unreadable code
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: and there's also
               https://github.com/kripken/emscripten which compiles from
               C/C++/ObjC/etc. to unreadable JS.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: how will you guarantee that?
   <ZetaNeta>  I cant. Thats why i wish
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: have you heard of the
               http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Halting_problem ?
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: it may be impossible for a computer to do.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: if not for a human too.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: don't wish for the impossible.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: unless you'd also like to wish for pink flying
               unicorn ponies who drop candy.
   <ZetaNeta>  I don’t like pink, unicorns, ponies, candy and dropping
               stuff.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: it's an idiom that means that you want something
               that can't easily be achieved.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: or something Utopian or unrealistic.
   <ZetaNeta>  well... that is already way too offtopic
        <sea>  Morning!!!!!!!!
            *  sea appears and has cake!
            *  sea distributes cake
 <[TheFlash]>  maybe you meant a cross between a unicorn and a pony?
            *  rindolf eats the free-as-in-speech cake.
    <rindolf>  Also zen cake - no calories.
    <rindolf>  [TheFlash]:
               https://duckduckgo.com/?q=pink%20flying%20unicorn%20ponies
    <rindolf>  [TheFlash]: they exist in /My Little Pony/ - ♥
        <sea>  Those actually are pegasus ponies.
        <sea>  Unicorn ponies don't fly.
        <sea>  There are some unicorn pegasus ponies, though
        <sea>  Like princess Luna
    <rindolf>  sea: yes.
    <rindolf>  sea: isn't Princess Celestia also a Unicorn Pegasus Pony?
    <rindolf>  Well, this isn't #bronies
        <sea>  Yeah, they're called an 'alicorn' officially now
    <rindolf>  sea: ah.
        <sea>  Also, starting with the last episode of season 3, Twilight
               Sparkle is an Alicorn too
    <rindolf>  sea: I don't remember who she is.
    <rindolf>  sea: http://mlp.wikia.com/wiki/Twilight_Sparkle - ah , I
               see.
    <rindolf>  sea: yes, I know who she is (naturally).
    <rindolf>  OK, on topic.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: it's probable that people (or software programs)
               will always be able to write other programs that other
               people will find hard to understand, so don't wish for it
               to happen.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: you might be able to find a device that will
               change the laws of logic, but I find it unlikely.
    <rindolf>  Well, find or develop.
   <ZetaNeta>  rindolf, Well. I have some ideas
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: ideas?
   <ZetaNeta>  In my understanding, there is no logic.
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: what?
            *  ZetaNeta don’t wanna talk about it
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: you don't think there's logic?
    <pehjota>  TIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere!
    <rindolf>  pehjota: heh.
            *  ZetaNeta doesn’t like to mix software with philosophy, to
               avoid long conversations he anyway probably gonna lose
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: well, programming is based on maths and logic.
   <ZetaNeta>  rindolf, "Because you are so sure about it"
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: what?
            *  ZetaNeta doesn’t like to mix software with philosophy, to
               avoid long pointless conversations
        <sea>  pehjota: What's TIL?
    <rindolf>  sea: Today I learned.
    <pehjota>  sea: Today I learned.
        <sea>  Whoa..
    <pehjota>  Ha :)
        <sea>  Haha, your nicks both have the same length
        <sea>  so it looks like a duplicated line
    <rindolf>  sea: jinx!
            *  sea grabs everything made of wood and hides it
    <rindolf>  ZetaNeta: anyway, the Halting Problem which is part of
               theoretical CS, and has an easy-to-explain informal proof,
               casts many doubts about a machine's (or a human's) ability
               to detect whether code for an arbitrary Turing complete VM
               is easy to understand or not, and so you might as well
               forget about it.
    <rindolf>  <pehjota> TIL that sea is a brony. They're everywhere! ==>
               not sure how useful of a fact it is.
    <pehjota>  rindolf: It was a tongue-in-cheek remark. :)

    -- Brony talks, pony flies
    -- #gnu, Freenode
%
      <rindolf>  Hi all.
       <Bucket>  hi rindolf
      <rindolf>  Lately, I have been thinking that maybe some of the
                 Snowden leaks are actually the "achievements" of maniacal
                 minds ( https://duckduckgo.com/Mania ) and don't work
                 well in practise or at all.
      <rindolf>  Probably most of the NSA workers are either depressive,
                 maniacal or schizophrenic by now.
      <rindolf>  Althir: awesome.
       <Bucket>  Wicked!
      <rindolf>  Is Bucket a bot?
       <Bucket>  no, I'm a folk singer
       <Althir>  ferret: Is Bucket real?
 <flyingferret>  Certainly not.
     <barometz>  You're all just imagining Bucket, then
      <rindolf>  Heh, heh.
      <rindolf>  I'm not real either.
      <rindolf>  «For all you know, you may not exist and Summer Glau
                 convinced you that you do.»
      <rindolf>  ;-)
      <rindolf>  (Originally said about Chuck Norris.)
       <Althir>  I'd let Summer Glau convince me I'm alive.
      <rindolf>  Althir: heh.
      <rindolf>  Althir: I don't need to be convinced of that.
      <rindolf>  Althir: would you let Chuck Norris convince you that
                 you're alive? ;-)
      <rindolf>  I wouldn't , but not sure I can resist.
       <Althir>  rindolf: Chuck Norris only convinces people they are
                 deceased.
      <rindolf>  Althir: heh.
      <rindolf>  Althir: what about SGlau?
       <Althir>  Chuck Norris convinced Summer Glau to kick arse.
      <rindolf>  Althir: a true warrior brings life - not death.
       <Althir>  I think you misunderstand warfare.
      <rindolf>  Althir: destroying is easy (*cough Attila the Hun *cough
                 Genghis Khan) - value production is much harder.

    -- Norris ain’t got nothing on her…
    -- #xkcd, irc.foonetic.net
%
     <rindolf>  home: you're no longer being funny.
        <home>  rindolf: you are being an asshole now
        <home>  rindolf: I want my $4 of games
        <home>  or else I will be unhappy
        <home>  if you want to preach about finding happiness, but the not
                act upon it, then so be it
        <home>  but my happiness at the moment is begging others for a $4
                game
     <rindolf>  home: do you want me to put you on /ignore ?
     <rindolf>  home: you seem dense.
        <home>  Yeah, when the times get tough
        <home>  people just ignore each other
        <home>  I see how it is
        <home>  you can't keep ignoring people forever
     <rindolf>  home: where do you live?
      <Weagle>  in his....home.
        <home>  I live in Ontario, Canada
 <sorabji5252>  o.O
        <home>  :/
        <home>  sorabji5252: hi
        <home>  sorabji5252: are you a preacher too?
      <Weagle>  Lebron James is pretty good
      <Weagle>  but I’ve yet to see him save earth from aliens.
      <Weagle>  like Michael Jordan did
 <sorabji5252>  a preacher? not in the sense you mean probably
      <Weagle>  he's a monk
      <Weagle>  i shave his head daily.
             *  sorabji5252 offers his head to be felt by others
        <home>  you guys are so gay
     <rindolf>  home: nice.
        <home>  not sure you realized what you just said
     <rindolf>  home: is it lovely there?
     <rindolf>  home: is it boring?
        <home>  it's not nice here
        <home>  I hate Canada
 <sorabji5252>  i try not to be crude -__-
     <rindolf>  home: then why not move?
     <rindolf>  home: California! Florida!
      <Weagle>  Bermuda, Bahama, come on pretty mama
     <rindolf>  Maybe the Carolinas.
     <rindolf>  Weagle: Israel!
      <Weagle>  key largo, Montego, baby why don’t we go down to Mexico
     <rindolf>  Italy.
      <Weagle>  we'll get there fast cuz Weagle takes it slow
     <rindolf>  Weagle: heh.
     <rindolf>  Spain ....
      <Weagle>  that’s where we wanna go, way down in Kokomo
     <rindolf>  Weagle: you're a talented poet.
      <Weagle>  i took it from some of the greatest poets to ever live.
      <Weagle>  The Beach Boys
     <rindolf>  Weagle: heh.
     <rindolf>  Weagle: that's heavenly poetry.
     <rindolf>  Weagle: Bialiq was a pretty good Hebrew poet.
     <rindolf>  Weagle: there's some good poetry in the Hebrew Bible too.
     <rindolf>  Weagle: Isaiah 40 is lovely.
      <Weagle>  I'm really not interested.
  <frauheimer>  hey guys.
  <frauheimer>  reddit huh. cool!
     <rindolf>  Weagle: OK, sorry.
        <home>  frauheimer: what
     <rindolf>  frauheimer: yes!
        <home>  frauheimer: can you buy me $4 of games?
  <frauheimer>  yes
  <frauheimer>  where
        <home>  https://www.humblebundle.com/weekly
  <frauheimer>  alright
        <home>  rindolf: ^
  <frauheimer>  how do dis
 <sorabji5252>  o my
     <rindolf>  home: go to hell!!!
 <sorabji5252>  rindolf: i don't know how to read poetry. it seems nice
                though :D
     <rindolf>  home: just live me alone.
  <frauheimer>  home show me how
        <home>  frauheimer: okay
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: it sounds better in the original Klingon.
        <home>  scroll down
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: s/Klingon/Hebrew/ naturally.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: a lot of the Bible is prose though.
 <sorabji5252>  i've read a lot of the bible
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: someone I know read the whole thing several
                times.
     <rindolf>  He also read the Complete Shakespeare.
 <sorabji5252>  many people i know have done that. it's a thing
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: yes.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: I've temporarily given up in exodus - it's
                too intense.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: too antiquated.
 <sorabji5252>  it's very serious. and it rarely lets up
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: yes.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: I did read /A Suitable Boy/ cover to cover.
                Wonderful book.
 <sorabji5252>  o my, that's awfully long
 <sorabji5252>  i think /Brothers Karamzov/ is the longest novel i've read
     <rindolf>  Heh, heh, they are discussing guns on #reddit-mlp
     <rindolf>  My Little Pony ponies with guns!
 <sorabji5252>  what's the mlp for?
 <sorabji5252>  o, dear
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: My Little Pony.
 <sorabji5252>  bronies. i do not understand this one.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: I bet there's something like what I described
                on the Internet.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of
                http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
                using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
     <rindolf>  This is some great Television.
 <sorabji5252>  rindolf: that's crazy man
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: :-)
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life
                using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: this is crazier.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in
                this world.
 <sorabji5252>  nah, things just happen
        <home>  rindolf: there is hope in this world
  <frauheimer>  a bit
        <home>  frauheimer: I see :P
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
                http://kungfupanda.wikia.com/wiki/Oogway
   <rbarrybot>  [ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to
                the Kung Fu Panda world! ] - kungfupanda.wikia.com
     <rindolf>  home: true.
      <Weagle>  peyton manning
     <rindolf>  home: people are now saying about facebook what they said
                about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
     <rindolf>  home: ;-)
 <sorabji5252>  rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in
                coincidence
     <rindolf>  home: in Hebrew we have a saying "We survived Pharaoh -
                we'll survive this."
  <frauheimer>  what’s Pharaoh
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: he may be right.
     <rindolf>  frauheimer: the big king/god of Egypt.
  <frauheimer>  oh yeah
  <frauheimer>  what an asshole
     <rindolf>  frauheimer: there were many of them.
     <rindolf>  frauheimer: last one was Cleopatra I think.
     <rindolf>  Well, there were other Macedonian Princesses called that.
 <sorabji5252>  i suppose it's all cake after Pharaoh
  <frauheimer>  close

    -- There are no coincidences…
    -- #reddit, Freenode
%
     <rindolf>  Bucket: FAILURE IS ALWAYS AN OPTION.
      <Bucket>  rindolf: I already had it that way
   <ephphatha>  time to kick aliens into orbit
     <rindolf>  It's not a failure, it's a motivation to improve.
        <njsg>  rindolf: failure is always an option except when your goal
                is to fail
        <njsg>  </fortune-cookie>
        <njsg>  rindolf: except in bed
      <Bucket>  I get great sex, except in bed.
     <rindolf>  njsg: heh.
     <rindolf>  njsg: in bed? Do you mean I make mistakes while sleeping?
     <rindolf>  njsg: "What is your favourite position? CTO!"
     <Walther>  Failures in bed mean you have sex that isn’t type-safe;
                otherwise you would catch the errors at compile time
     <rindolf>  Walther: heh, LOL.
     <Walther>  also, Haskell<3
        <njsg>  I have a lipht, my sex has no separate compile time
     <Walther>  bwhaha
             *  Walther has changed the topic to: It's programming
                language + sex hour at #xkcd! | SCOTUS says [corporate]
                religious freedom trumps equal benefits for women in 5-4
                ruling, FML | Weekly Coffee Appreciation Day | It's put
                The0x539 in bucket hour! | mint hour | (association
                football) | knockout talk time |
                https://www.humblebundle.com/sgdq Ch
        <njsg>  wasn't there an UI toolkit called "sex"?
    <Fephisto>  sex-purity
    <SirCmpwn>  I once wrote an assembler called .orgASM
    <SirCmpwn>  (.org is an assembler directive)
     <bhuddah>  maybe we should invent the scripting language "innuendo"
     <rindolf>  Walther: Haskell Sex!
     <rindolf>  Walther:
                http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-perlcafe-aleenas-little-perl-boys
                - see also this on #perlcafe many years ago.
        <njsg>  bhuddah: for inno setup, sounds like a good name
     <Walther>  rindolf: wonder if that can be pure, or just an IO action
     <Walther>  (if you know what i mean)
 <tomatosalad>  SirCmpwn: rcombs is always talking about libass
     <bhuddah>  njsg: and you get exactly what you asked for.
        <njsg>  Haskell Sex is great, but you don't remember any of it on
                the next morning, because it has no state
     <rindolf>  Walther: with Lady_Aleena who became Mistress_Aleena and
                Madame_Aleena.
    <SirCmpwn>  tomatosalad: well, yeah
     <rindolf>  njsg: heh, LOL.
    <SirCmpwn>  he's an irrational wizard
     <rindolf>  njsg: you crack me up.
     <rindolf>  njsg: maybe we need something like Smalltalk sex with a
                persistent VM.
     <rindolf>  Squeak FTW!
        <njsg>  lisp, as one of the only languages which can truly return
                multiple values, is the only way to have true multiple
                orgasms as a result of sex
     <rindolf>  Heh, someone I know will get the kick out of this
                conversation.
     <Walther>  rindolf: :'D
     <rindolf>  Geek pseudo sex-talk.
     <Walther>  Stateless sex could be a bit difficult to reach though, as
                it'd require a REST api, and you just might fall asleep
     <rindolf>  njsg: heh.
     <rindolf>  Walther: heh.
     <rindolf>  Walther++
     <Walther>  OTOH clean, stateful sex should be easy, with SOAP
     <rindolf>  Walther: SOAP! NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
             *  Walther puts stateful sex with a SOAP in Bucket
             *  Bucket hands Walther another serving of rat oh vah in
                exchange for stateful sex with a SOAP
     <rindolf>  Walther: /me runs away in the opposite direction. No
                amount of sex is worth having to deal with SOAP.
     <rindolf>  There are some things even I won't do for sex.
        <njsg>  rindolf: just have sex over TCP, looks like a good
                protocol
     <rindolf>  And SOAP is one of them.
        <njsg>  crushes are UDP, love is TCP, sex is SOAP over HTTP
     <Walther>  and then there's the weird kid with the gopher
     <rindolf>  Well, I refuse to get paid to write Java enterprise
                software -
                http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/
                .
     <rindolf>  njsg: heh.
        <njsg>  at least nobody mentioned COBRA yet, others would go all
                OMG

    -- xkcd, irc.foonetic.net
%
If Ayn Rand was born in the 1990s, she would be [Christina
Grimmie](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Christina_Grimmie).

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms’ Page ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#if_ayn_rand_was_born_in_the_1990s )
%
I love being convinced that I was wrong before. That way I knew I improved and
am now wiser. Like the Klingon warriors say when it happens: “What a great day
it was for me to die!”.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms’ Page ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
You are much more likely to find a good significant other - with a perfectly
sound mind and body - in a Sci-Fi/Fantasy/etc. conference than you are in the
middle of the wilderness.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms’ Page ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
SMG: Oh, and when it comes to television, she loves watching My Little Pony.
She and I watch it almost every week together.

SGlau: Wow, you’re a pega-sister, too?

SMG: I’m not addicted to /My Little Pony/. I swear! I can quit any time. Just
let me watch one… more… episode. [giggles]

SGlau: Hah, hah. For your information, my /My Little Pony/ addicts’ support
group meets every second and fourth Saturday of the month, and I am currently
at step five of our twelve step program.

SMG: Sounds like a plan. I’ll consider joining.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Summerschool at the NSA ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ )
%
SGlau: Hah, hah. I can imagine the headline: “Sarah Michelle Gellar, who
played Buffy the vampire slayer, murdered in cold blood by child daughter.”

SMG: [Giggles] Indeed, the apple did not fall too far from the tree.

SGlau: The apple completely supplanted the tree. The Golem has risen upon its
master.

SMG: [Thoughtfully] Yes.

SGlau: Well, I don’t suppose she will murder you literally. You know, the old
xkcd number 725 distinction between "literally" and "figuratively".

SMG: Well, one thing I can tell you about parenthood is that such things can
progress from figurative to literal, extremely quickly.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Summerschool at the NSA ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ )
%
SMG: We’ve got a lot of time for that. OK: it was 1997-1998ish, Buffy started
airing and became a cult series. So, one day a group of yeshivah pupils from a
local Chabad yeshivah arrived to the studios saying they have some
numerological insights from the Jewish bible, about what will happen in
Sunnydale next.

[SGlau burst out laughing.]

SGlau: [calms down] Oh my God, that’s the craziest thing I have ever heard.

SMG: Anyway, we played along, and listened to what they had to say, and
actually got a few good ideas from that. Moreover, in one of the recesses, one
of the Yeshivah pupils asked me out, and I accepted.

So we went on a date.

SGlau: So you mean like the 1997ish Sarah Michelle Gellar, and a Yeshivah
pupil… On a date?!

SMG: Yes! And I actually had some weirder dates as a happy spinster.

Anyhow, surprisingly, it was a very nice date, I had a great time, and I
learned quite a bit.

SGlau: Heh.

SMG: And one thing he told me was that every Jew (as he said) should believe
they are the Messiah, which is something I treasured since.

SGlau: So I presume I’m also the Messiah?

SMG: You got it. We are the most powerful people on Earth, and we should aim
to bring the end of days.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Summerschool at the NSA ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Summerschool-at-the-NSA/ )
%
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: I cured someone from an attack of
                http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Schizoaffective_disorder
                using a technique I learned from an MLP episode.
   <rbarrybot>  [ Schizoaffective disorder - Wikipedia, the free
                encyclopedia ] - en.wikipedia.org
 <sorabji5252>  rindolf: that's crazy man
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: :-)
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: reportedly, someone once saved a man's life
                using a technique he saw on /Bay Watch/.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: this is crazier.
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: maybe there's a good reason for everything in
                this world.
  <frauheimer>  nah
 <sorabji5252>  nah, things just happen
        <home>  rindolf: there is hope in this world
        <home>  frauheimer: I see :P
     <rindolf>  sorabji5252: "There are no coincidences" --
                http://kungfupanda.wikia.com/wiki/Oogway
   <rbarrybot>  [ Oogway - Kung Fu Panda Wiki, the online encyclopedia to
                the Kung Fu Panda world! ] - kungfupanda.wikia.com
     <rindolf>  home: true.
      <Weagle>  peyton manning
     <rindolf>  home: people are now saying about facebook what they said
                about Socrates... ehmm - about Television.
     <rindolf>  home: ;-)
 <sorabji5252>  rindolf: a radio host i like doesn't believe in
                coincidence
     <rindolf>  home: in Hebrew we have a saying “We survived Pharaoh -
                we'll survive this.”
 <sorabji5252>  I suppose it's all cake after Pharaoh

    -- #reddit, Freenode
%
[Selina goes to the kitchen smiling, opens the refrigerator’s door and takes
out some refreshments and arranges them on the table and then she opens a
cupboard’s door only to discover a small human-like demon inside.]

Selina: Why, hello there! I guess you did not RSVP.

Mephiqoleth: MAGEIA!

Selina: Judging by the recent happenings, I guess that’s me.

So what shall I write on your name tag?

Mephiqoleth: MY NAME IS MEPHIQOLETH.

Selina: Ah, hah. [Trying to write on the name tag.] Emm, Ee, Pee…

Mephiqoleth: IT IS WRITTEN IN LESHON HAQODESH.

Selina: “Leshon Haqodesh”? The holy tongue? Do you mean…

Mephiqoleth: YES!!!… HEBREW! [Non-dramatically] I am Jewish.

Selina: Jewish? But you’re not human.

Mephiqoleth: THERE ARE JEWS OF MANY SPECIES.

Selina: Really? That’s great - can I have a Jewish lady-cat? I want one so she
can mother cute little Jewish kittens.

[Cut to Mephiqoleth - he is not amused.]

Selina: You are not amused, demons are never amused. I should have learned
that by now.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
A lot of people think that the proper way to achieve world domination is to
create an [architecture that will solve the whole world’s problems and then
some](http://www.joelonsoftware.com/articles/fog0000000018.html). We’ve been
seeing quite a few of them since /Joel on Software/ wrote this article: Ruby,
Google Go, Node.js, Mozilla’s Rust, Clojure, Scala, Perl 6, etc. Some of them
have or will mature to something truly nice, or have inspired a lot of
features in other languages, but it’s hard for plain-old-single-you to compete
with them, and here is something interesting: not too many people want them.

What do people want? Chuck Norris/etc. factoids, lolcats and other captioned
images, funny cat videos, parodies of /My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic/
(♥), photos of attractive (or even not too attractive) men and women,
screencasts of games or other programs (including many open source programs),
photos of scenery, new and improved recipes for preparing food (and of course
- tasty food itself), new, old or renovated jokes, and some interesting tales
and anecdotes from your life. And naturally - programs that can will scratch
an itch - however small.

Some people told me that my solver for Freecell and other solitaire games,
simply called [Freecell Solver](http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/) is useless,
but it's not - it's just a niche program. And I received hundreds of E-mails
about it. Furthermore, given that Freecell is (or used to be) a big phenomenon
in Israel, where many boys and girls starting from the age of 18 found
themselves playing it on the [Israeli
military](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Israel_Defense_Forces) computers out of
boredom, then the fact that I have written a solver for it, has impressed many
people I talked with or met, including some attractive (both physically and
intellectually) young ladies, and they ended up asking me about how it was
written, and which algorithms it employed.

So Freecell Solver was one of my most successful programs, not despite being a
niche program, but because of it. Niche programs own. Not only that, but niche
everything is great. Many people whom I referred to [my
stories](http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/stories/) helped themselves to the
screenplay [Star Trek: “We, the Living
Dead”](http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/)
*because* it contained Star Trek in the name, and because there are quite a
few fans of the /Star Trek/ franchise and worlds.

The more of a niche artwork you write, the more a large subset of those who
like it, are likely to pay attention to it, try it out, and enjoy it. For more
information, see Eric Sink’s excellent and inspiring essay [“How to get people
talking about your product”](http://www.ericsink.com/articles/Buzz.html). For
example, [DuckDuckGo](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/DuckDuckGo) was originally
marketed as a search engine by Perl geeks, and for Perl geeks. It was a good
marketing decision because the Perl community is small, cohesive and is at a
good strategical position to influence other communities. Right now, many
people who are not Perl programmers, are using it, as well as, or even in
preference to Google, but choosing Perl was a good preliminary strategical
decision. We can expect that with the future growth of DuckDuckGo, that it
will use more performant technologies than Perl more and more, but it will
still owe some of its initial success to starting out as a Perl product.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “ANN: My Transition From Software Developer to Writer/Entertainer/Amateur Philosopher/Internet Celebrity” ( http://blogs.perl.org/users/shlomi_fish/2013/03/ann-my-transition-from-software-developer-to-writerentertaineramateur-philosopherinternet-celebrity.html )
%
Scary thought of the day: /The Princess Bride/: the 3-D Remake.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms’ Page ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html )
%
[Selina is wearing a backpack full of various trip utilities and wears a pouch
bag, and approaches the cupboard of Mephiqoleth. She opens it. Mephiqoleth is
there.]

Mephiqoleth: I SEE YOU ARE READY, MAGEIA.

Selina: Yep! Got my traveller’s checks, some dollars, my mobile, my passport,
some water, some snacks, some sunscreen. Not sure if all that will help with
surviving The Amber, but I can always hope.

Mephiqoleth: I COULD HAVE USED MY CONJURING SPELLS TO CONJURE THEM FOR YOU.

Selina: Well, as someone who saw enough of your demons’ lot’s shenanigans,
*and* some episodes of Sabrina, there’s no way I will trust such magically
conjured goods.

Mephiqoleth: YOU MAY BE RIGHT. MAGIC CAN BE A DOUBLE-EDGED SWORD.

BUT BACK TO BUSINESS. ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT ME TO TELEPORT YOU TO THE AMBER?

Selina: Positive. Do your worst!

Mephiqoleth: Fair enough.

[Mephiqoleth raises his hands and says in Hebrew, as the Hebrew letters (in
the modern Hebrew alphabet) appear on the highlighted floor, with a darkened
room and the Hebrew letters of the spoken message expand outward.]

Mephiqoleth: אלוהי אברהם, יצחק ויעקב, שגר את באפי מאגיה, הקוטלת, אל… [ The god
of Abraham, Yitzhak and Yaakov, please teleport Buffy Mageia, The Slayer, to…
]

Selina: Whoa.

Mephiqoleth: … האמבר. [ The Amber ]

[Selina dissolves.]

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
[The bell rings and many school kids are walking out of the classroom,
including Selina. She has an empty hour. As she walks in the hallway, she is
sometimes greeted by “Hi, Selina!”, “What’s new?”, etc. and answers briefly.
She finds Jessica and Jonathan standing next to Jessica’s locker and
approaches them.]

Selina: Oh, there you are. Hi Jess, hi Jon.

Jessica: Selina! I see you’ve survived History class.

Selina: Yeah, I’ll take it one lesson at a time, I guess.

[Jonathan hugs Selina from the side and eventually leaves.]

Selina: So how are you two love-birds?

Jessica: Oh, this and that, discussing computers endlessly as usual.

Selina: [ Sarcastically ] Geeks!

Jessica: Heh, like you’re not a geek too.

Selina: I is!

Jessica: And we is too.

Selina: True.

Selina: This reminds me. I really should update my Mandriva system at home. I
have not in several days, now. And to think I originally had my friend Aaron
install Mandrake Linux for me, because I thought it was cool that it was
called the same as my last name.

Jessica: Heh, maybe you should become Selina Mandriva now.

Jonathan: Or Selina Mageia.

[Selina bursts out laughing.]

Selina: That sounds like a name of a vampire slayer… or a vampire.

Jonathan: Or both.

Selina: Yeah. I told you about how I was nicknamed “Puffy” and then “Buffy”
during one summer camp, right?

Jessica: Yes, many times.

Selina: Yeah, I found it amusing at the time. For a while afterwards, I
insisted that my friends call me “Buffy” until I realised it was silly, and
reverted back to “Selina”.

Jessica: Anyway, I’m off to gym.

Selina: Bye, love you.

[Selina is reading a book and says to herself out loud]

Selina: Selina “Buffy” Mandrake. *The* Slayer. I like the sound of it.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
I don’t remember whose idea it was, but we ended up enrolling Eve into the
Homecoming Queen contest. When Eve discovered she was on the nominees list,
she was a bit upset.

“Homecoming Queen? Me? Why would I ever want to be a homecoming queen?”

“Eve, we thought you could see how beautiful you are, and how much people
could like you, if they got to know you.” I answered.

“Hah! Well… oh heck, I don’t have a ready reply. But I’m going to get you guys
for this. I really will.” and she started to walk from there. “You’ll see.”

Eve showed up to the homecoming queen nominees roundup, wearing one of her
best dresses. When her turn came, she began her speech:

“Ladies and Gentlemen. I don’t know how many of you know me, but my name is
Eve Siegel. I urge you to vote for me for homecoming queen, not for your sake,
but for mine. I really need you to vote for me, because my entire future
depends on it. Seriously.”

“Take a look at my Résumé, for example. ‘Experienced in computers and
programming since 1994.’ ; ‘Experienced in Linux and UNIX technologies since
1998’ ; ‘2000-2005 - Debian Packager’, ‘2005-Present - Mandrake Packager’, and
more of this vain. Tell me, who will take a second look at this C.V. if it did
not say, ‘2005 - Elected as a homecoming queen.’?”

“Now for what I’m going to do if I’m elected. I’m going to erect a gigantic
statue of Tux the Penguin, this guy [picture showing on the screen], and also
one for Beastie the BSD Daemon, [picture showing] for good measure. I’m going
to fight against abusive behaviour toward nerds and geeks, for computer
literacy, and… for world peace. What the heck!”

“But all these philanthropical causes are secondary to my egoistical motives
of having to win this title for my own good. Thank you!”

She practically brought down the house with this speech. Even Taylor and I
could not resist a maniacal laughter. She ended up being one of the five
finalists. As the elections were on, Eve started her own campaign sloganed
“Don’t vote for Eve!” and gave away pamphlets with nothing but raves about the
other four contestants. This also increased her karma considerably.

She wore the same dress during the homecoming queen ceremony, as during the
pre-election. As the runner-ups were announced, she was given warm hugs from
all-of-them. She ended up being the first runner-up with a margin of only 5
votes to the real winner. She ended up saying she was glad she did not take
the title, but I never saw her happier than on that day.

She did not put it in her résumé.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “The Human Hacking Field Guide” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/human-hacking/ )
%
When Eve and I got together to go shopping, we went to a clothes shop. “You
know, my newfound powers are intoxicating. Three guys hit on me at school
since the weekend, including this really cute Football player.” she said.

“Hmmm… ” I said.

“Are you ladies alright?” the shop’s clerk (Tim, a young and handsome man)
approached us.

“Hey Tim!” I said, “I don’t believe you know my friend Eve here.”

“Eve Siegel!” she said and extended her hand.

“Tim O’Brian.” he said and they shook hands. “OK, I’ll be there if you need
me…”

Eve followed him with her gaze for a few seconds, and then smiled and went
back to looking at the clothes.

“Will you stop that?” I whispered to her.

“Stop what?” she said.

“You’re totally into him.”

“So I’m lusting him a little bit, so what? ‘But I say unto you, that whosoever
looketh on a woman to lust after her, hath committed adultery with her already
in his heart.’”

“Well, girlfriend, committing adultery in your heart is perfectly harmless and
quite rewarding. And I’m not really raping anyone. I’m tenderly making love to
them.”

“Listen,” I snapped at her, “Taylor is my best friend, and I swear that if
you…”

“I’m crazy about Taylor.” she interrupted me.

“What?” I said.

She changed her pose. “I’m crazy about Taylor. Always have been. I promise I
wouldn’t do anything to hurt him.”

“You always have been crazy about Taylor? Why didn’t you tell him that?”

“Come on, have you looked at me then? I wasn’t his type. He always dated these
well-groomed girls, who had some sense not to rebel like I did. Hell, he also
dated this incredibly dumb cheerleader once.”

“Stacie wasn’t dumb!”

“I was being sarcastic! My point is that he was way out of my league.”

“Oh!” I said and tried to hug her.

“No hug!” she said. “In any case, I’ll do my best to make things work between
Taylor and I. And even if they don’t, we’ll remain good friends. The kind of
friends who go to movies together, or socialise at LUG meetings, fix dates for
each other, etc.”

“Good, I’m glad to hear that. Now where were we?”

“Picking clothes.” she said, and after a while added: “You know, we should
drop by Radio Shack and get some dolls of Tux and Beastie the BSD Daemon. I
totally dig these guys. Oh! And a nice Looney Toons poster. I’d hate to pump
money into the MPAA’s lawsuit machine, but I really like Marvin the Martian.”

“Who are you, and what have you done to Erisa?”

“Hey, the makeover was your idea, Jennifer. What have *you* done to Erisa?”
and we both laughed.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “The Human Hacking Field Guide” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/human-hacking/ )
%
“Hi Taylor!” we said one after the other.

“Hey guys, ” he said, “what are you guys doing here?”

“Helping Erisa get ready for her date.” I said.

“I’ll get her.” Amanda said, and went up the stairs.

“Don’t you think you look a bit plain for the date?” I asked.

“Well, it’s only a movie and a pizza. Plus, there’s no way on Earth that Erisa
is going to look better than I am.”

“Holy virgin mother of god!” exclaimed Jeff. He was looking at the staircase
where Erisa stood, descending it slowly. Her jet-black hair was arranged in a
ball and a pony tail, shining from the light. Her dark purple dress made her
look especially beautiful, and complemented her body. She looked wonderful.

“So, ” she said after she reached the ground floor, shaking her body and
extending her hands, “how do I look?”

“You look… ” Taylor said, “divine!”

Erisa thought for a moment and then said: “‘Divine’s good.”

“Here, Erisa…”

“Hey, ‘Erisa’ was the old (and temporary) me. Call me ‘Eve’ now.”

“…Eve! Here - I brought you flowers.” and he handed her the flowers he had.

Eve (!) smelled them, and said, “they smell nice. Mum, can you put them in a
vase with some water?”

“Ahhmm… Eve, can we stop by my house and give me a chance to pick up some
better clothes?”

“Why?” Eve said, “we’re going to miss the movie.”

“Well, people will look at the two of us and say: ‘she is *way* out of his
league!’”

Eve approached Taylor. “Well, to quote Richard P. Feynman, ” she said as she
tied her arms around his neck “‘What do you care what other people think?’ We
both know you’re a great guy and I’m so lucky to go on a date with you.
Mwaaa…” and she kissed him on the cheek.

“Well, ” he said, “I guess we’d better get going. Bye all!”

“Bye!” we all said. Eve and Taylor left and Taylor gave us a thumb’s up as he
left, and we gave him back.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- “The Human Hacking Field Guide” ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/human-hacking/ )
%
A woman is a lady even if she is or was a porn actress or a prostitute. Treat
her with respect, be honest to her — be a gentleman.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Tweet ( http://twitter.com/shlomif/status/478025441983213569 )
%
I wear prescription glasses so I may be half-blind, but at least I'm trying
hard not to be a complete dick.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Tweet ( https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/480765130242662400 )
%
      <rindolf>  «Who would win in a fight? Charlemagne, Charles Dickens,
                 Charles Darwin or Carlos "Chuck" Norris? If Summer Glau
                 was the arbiter, she would just kill all of them and
                 declare herself the winner.»
     <Frowardd>  CHARLAMAGNE
     <Frowardd>  dickens and darwin would die from being old
      <rindolf>  Also: «Chuck Norris round house kicks doors open instead
                 of using their keys. Summer Glau makes sure doors are
                 open using her mind.»
     <Frowardd>  Chuck Norris would try to do some internet kung fu and
                 fall over and break his hip
 <thomas0comer>  Chuck Norris is kinda old, can he still even manage a
                 roundhouse?
      <rindolf>  thomas0comer: don't know.
         <XanT>  Dickens would always win by virtue of some rich
                 contact/relative doing right by him.
     <Frowardd>  charlamaaaaaaaagne would rise from his grave as an angry
                 fucked up drunk skeleton and stab everyone
      <rindolf>  Frowardd: heh.
   <SpicyLemon>  Charlemagne would come back as a Pokemon.
 <thomas0comer>  Dickens and Darwin would probably either get along well
                 or debate vigorously while Charlemagne cuts Chuck Norris'
                 legs off
     <diogenes>  Chuck Norris once fought bruce lee and now bruce lee is
                 dead!
        <Hawat>  Causality!
       <Bucket>  Post hoc, ergo propter hoc, motherfucker!

    -- How Chuck chucked Chucks
    -- #xkcd, irc.foonetic.net
%
 <whatsyourname>  hey rindolf
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: hi.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: what's your name? ;-)
 <whatsyourname>  rindolf: i met you a couple of times in #programming
                  years ago
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: ah, I vaguely remember it and can also
                  grep my logs.
 <whatsyourname>  what brought you to ##english channel anyway?
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: you're welcome .
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I'm here on autojoin, but often just
                  lurking.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: thing is - I cannot sleep yet today - too
                  many high thoughts.
 <whatsyourname>  rindolf: I see
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: do you mind if I share these thoughts
                  with you?
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: here on the channel?
       <rindolf>  And he left.
 <whatsyourname>  rindolf: i don't mind
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: OK.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I have a short essay (maybe a Google+
                  post) called "Play to lose"
 <whatsyourname>  When did you write it?
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: where I say that you can learn more from
                  a match/fight/argument/etc. that you lose than one that
                  you won.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I didn't write it yet.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: but i'd like to - sorry for being
                  unclear.
 <whatsyourname>  okay
 <whatsyourname>  please continue
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: thing is - it was believed that
                  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bruce_Lee is the best
                  combat fighter in history, and Chuck Norris is the
                  second best one.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: now at the moment Norris is losing quite
                  a few fights, but part of it is due to him being past
                  his prime and with a malfunctioning left leg.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: but my pet theory is that many of the new
                  age fighters could have beaten both Chuck Norris and
                  Bruce Lee (who has since passed away unfortunately) in
                  their prime, at least some of the time.
 <whatsyourname>  Okay
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: and it's also possible that in this day
                  and age if we take Joe and Martin who are two superb
                  mixed martial artists (MMAs) then it's possible that
                  sometimes Joe will win and sometimes Martin.
 <whatsyourname>  Yeah
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: moreover, the ancient Hebrew word for
                  fighting or warfare has other more positive connotations
                  : Bread (Lechem), soldering (Lehalchim - as in
                  electronics), etc.
 <whatsyourname>  Well, that's very interesting
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: the root Ch.R.b/bh is reserved for
                  destruction and a sword is called "Cherev".
 <whatsyourname>  Hehe
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: maybe it's similar to the greek mythology
                  conception of https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Athena as
                  noble and https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ares as violent
                  and destructive.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: my point is that there are many other
                  ways to fight aside from combat.
 <whatsyourname>  okay
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: and the fighting I'm really good at is at
                  writing essays, stories, humour, etc. (which also convey
                  serious messages in hopefully amusing ways).
 <whatsyourname>  i see
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: anyway, I decided that I encourage people
                  to tell me why they think my stories sucked.
       <rindolf>  So I can improve in the future.
 <whatsyourname>  you should go about writing it
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname:
                  http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/Emma-Watson-applying-for-a-software-dev-job/
                  - someone told me he didn't like that, and after I asked
                  him for the specifics, gave me a detailed analysis, and
                  I realised he was right and improved it.
 <whatsyourname>  i'm glad to hear that
       <rindolf>  Part of the original problem there was that that Emma
                  Watson expressed herself in a manner that is unfit for
                  an educated and intellectual Britishwoman who, on top of
                  it, has graduated from English Literature from Brown
                  University (which is a prestigious school.).
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: Yaakov on #perl said that he forgot how
                  to speak English properly, because he doesn't know which
                  words are common and which are not.
 <whatsyourname>  rindolf: what's his native language?
       <rindolf>  I have a huge problem with English vocabulary, but maybe
                  it's actually better for non-native speakers of English
                  (Which still sometimes ask me for clarification or "What
                  that words means?").
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I think it's English. He's an American
                  religious Jew.
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I'm an Israeli secular Jew.
 <whatsyourname>  rindolf: I see
       <rindolf>  whatsyourname: I think I'll just prepare a fortune
                  cookie out of this conversation and call it a day.
 <whatsyourname>  Sure
       <rindolf>  I'm too lazy to write a proper essay and people may
                  equally appreciate reading an IRC log.
      <Somelauw>  rindolf: Just looking a bit at your essay. "but we
                  decided to give you a chance anyway". Here you miss the
                  opportunity to come up with a good humorous motivation
                  to interview her.
       <rindolf>  Somelauw: heh.
       <rindolf>  Somelauw: well, I don't feel strongly about it.
       <rindolf>  Somelauw: maybe they can say that they figured out it
                  will be good publicity for their firm.
       <rindolf>  Somelauw: but thanks!
       <rindolf>  Somelauw++

    -- ##English, Freenode
%
[Becky and Chankey are sitting in the library, studying together, and
listening to Cimorelli - “When I’m gone” . Faith approaches them.]

Faith: Hmm... hi kids! That doesn’t sound exactly like Anna Kendrick.

Whoa, who are all those girls?

Becky: Oh, they are Cimorelli - six sisters who sing together. They are a big
hit on YouTube.

Faith: Six sisters!

Chankey: And they also have some brothers.

Faith: Heh, God bless their mother. After my third pregnancy (to twins) I
said: “That’s it. No way, José!”.

I would think their being a big family is part of their charm.

Chankey: Yes, and the way I see it: all the power to them. See: I read 20,000
Leagues Under the Sea as a child, and I ended up memorising the English
translation and now the French original, because I liked it so much.

Anyway, Captain Nemo there, thinks he’s a nobody, which is what “Nemo” means
in Latin, but he's not. Thing is: lots of people expressed interest in him due
to his various unique qualities, and he kept thinking: “They are interested in
tangential stuff, not in the real me. They don't know the real me.”

And here's the thing: all these qualities are what make you who you are, and
you should exploit them and be yourself.

Faith: Indeed!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Buffy — a Few Good Slayers ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Buffy/A-Few-Good-Slayers/ )
%
while some people seem to have better talent for some things from an early age
(or what you call "age"), many great artists worked hard to acquire it.
Furthermore, hard work can and should be a lot of fun, and it's important to
also "Have a life" and eat&drink well ("Wine"), enjoy the company of people of
any sex ("Women") and have clean , creative, recreational fun, however
amateuristic or lame ("Song").

I've started writing about all that in [an
essay](http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-all-cards-on-the-table-2013/)
on my site which I called “Putting All Cards on the Table (2013)” and now I
wish to combine it, with some newer and older insights into “Putting Many
Cards on the Table (2015)” which will likely need to be updated in upcoming
years as well.

Like the old (and wise) adage goes: “The best time to plant a tree was 100
years ago. The second best time to plant a tree is now”. What it implies in
this context is that the earlier you start honing a skill, the sooner you will
become better at it.

Anyway, what I suggest you do is go outside and socialise more: talk to people
with dogs ("Hi! Nice dog! How is he called? How old is he? What kind of dog is
it? What's *your* name? What do you do?") , interesting shirts, tattoos, etc.
Also - make sure to talk to shop clerks, shop vendors, waiters/waitresses,
barmen, baristas, etc..

One thing I learned from
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ratatouille_%28film%29](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ratatouille_%28film%29)
is that "Everyone can cook", or do most other stuff that was shown to be
possible. Furthermore, contrary to popular belief (action) heroism is about
bending the rules, and finding you own unique, resourceful and ingenius,
"hacky" way to do things like David used a sling to shoot goliath instead of
using a spear to fight him and most likely dying. My essay has [a
section](http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-all-cards-on-the-table-2013/#david_and_goliath)
about why David was an action hero and a "hacker", in a broad definition of
the word.

Another advice I can give you is to accept the fact that you're depressed and
be content. It's OK to be depressed, like this episode of Simsons illustrates:
[http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Moaning_Lisa](http://simpsons.wikia.com/wiki/Moaning_Lisa)
. Also, one of the the best ways to be happy is to be content with what you
have and who you are and accept and love yourself. "He who has more is not
happier than he who is content with less.".

Finally, I've recently been tweeting a lot (see my feed at
[https://twitter.com/shlomif/with_replies](https://twitter.com/shlomif/with_replies)
) about [Darwinian
Fitness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fitness_%28biology%29) which I believe
is manifested in humans in (sexual) attractiveness, a.k.a: "hot"ness (which is
not the same as beauty and I believe is more important), and which has a very
good and positive correlation with competence a.k.a what Marx referred to as
"able" in his [“From each according to his ability, to each according to his
need”](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/From_each_according_to_his_ability%2C_to_each_according_to_his_need)
slogan.

Now, this fitness/attractiveness is not the same as the so-called [Physical
fitness](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Physical_fitness) and as I contemplated
on a tweet,
«[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candice_Swanepoel](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Candice_Swanepoel)
,
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Kerr](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Miranda_Kerr)
,
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson)
or
[https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Lawrence](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Jennifer_Lawrence)
can get more and better dates when in a cranky mood, than the buffest obscure
female body builder/"fitness" competitor on a good day.», and that's because
they are more (biologically) fit. Moreover, in British slang "fit" came to
mean a sexually desirable MOTAS regardless of how athletic he or she is.

If you still want to lose weight then I suggest following my variation on
Maimonides' advice for dieting. Namely:

1. Eat well, and eat what you feel like and want to.

2. Don't eat in haste - eat in comfort and enjoy your meal.

3. Eat according to the stomach - not according to the eye.

4. Eat until you're 75% full - not until you're 100% full (and can't eat
another bite).

5. A bit minor, but my father kept eating food along with extra bread, so
he'll feel more full, but I think it has an adversary effect.

Finally, there was [this Slashdot
feature](http://science.slashdot.org/story/09/12/06/2228210/how-men-and-women-badly-estimate-their-own-intelligence)
which claimed that most men and women claimed that their male relatives were
more intelligent than their female ones, and I believed the problem is that
men and boys tend to be more *confident* than women and girls (or used to at
least), and that implies taking more chances, being more sloppy, allowing
yourself to make mistakes, and accepting the fact that some people will
dislike you. After a while, I saw this music video by Christina Grimmie which
has the very same theme, and this pet theory of mine was reinforced:
[https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYX8sjIzjGw](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kYX8sjIzjGw)
.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Reddit /r/depression Comment ( http://www.reddit.com/r/depression/comments/2e32n0/advice_for_person_with_no_hobbiestalentsinterests/cjvuqdr )
%
     <misspwn_>  errgnomeous, http://i.imgur.com/fBm7Dd1.jpg
      <rindolf>  Meow all good felines and canines and alpacas and ponies!
                 What's new?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: heh, nice captioned image.
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, my kid was bitching that i made his sandwich
                 "perfect"
     <misspwn_>  had to make meme
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, heh.
      <rindolf>  inspiration++
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: how old is your kid?
     <misspwn_>  he got melted cheese on his face and was mad about it
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, he's 5
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: was it hot?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, nice.
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, nope
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: so he's a smart kid?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: what's his name?
     <misspwn_>  he's very bright
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, oliver
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: that's good.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, nice name. Reminds me of Oliver Twist.
     <misspwn_>  :D
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: why did you call him Oliver?
      <rindolf>  Does he likes olives? ;-)
     <misspwn_>  hmmm, rindolf he was supposed to be a sophie. well i had
                 it in my head he was going to be a girl. i cried when i
                 found out he wasn't. and oliver just for some reason came
                 to me in a dream
     <misspwn_>  oliver lee, it suits him incredibly well
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, I see.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: the etymology of my name is more complex than
                 this - http://www.shlomifish.org/meta/FAQ/#your_name
    <rbarrybot>  [ Shlomi Fish’s Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ) List ] -
                 www.shlomifish.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_:
                 http://mail.pm.org/pipermail/toronto-pm/2013-February/003070.html
                 - that's why they named their daughter Phoebe.
    <rbarrybot>  [ [tpm] Hello Perlers, The Phoebe has arrived ] -
                 mail.pm.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I tend to give my characters Hebrew or other
                 more established common names in my stories.
      <rindolf>  http://www.shlomifish.org/me/rindolf/ - that's the
                 etymology and philosophy behind my "rindolf" nickname.
    <rbarrybot>  [ About “Rindolf” - Shlomi Fish’s Nickname ] -
                 www.shlomifish.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: does he have middle names?
     <misspwn_>  that’s neat
     <misspwn_>  ah yes, lee is the middle name, i'm sorry
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, I see.
      <rindolf>  Lee is a very common middle name.
     <misspwn_>  it was my grandfathers middle name
      <rindolf>  "Lyn"/"Lynn" is also a very common middle name I noticed
                 - typically for girls.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, OK.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: do you have any other children?
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, nope, i'd like to finish college first
     <misspwn_>  sort of a late start in the college game
       <Oddity>  how late?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, I see. What do you study?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: my friend had her first-born when she was in
                 college at 19 or so.
      <rindolf>  And she graduated from college and now has had two other
                 children.
      <rindolf>  And a bit recently - her eldest son went to college and
                 impregnated a girl and they live together and he
                 continues to study while raising her grandchildren.
      <rindolf>  He's also very fond of Chuck Norris jokes.
     <misspwn_>  Oddity, well i'm going to be 28 in September, i'm
                 studying network engineering
     <misspwn_>  my parents keep urging me to have another so they can get
                 a granddaughter, but i have priorities and don't want
                 another child slowing me down right now
      <rindolf>  Apparently, https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ariana_Grande
                 is 21 but looks about 16. A little kinky!
    <rbarrybot>  [ Ariana Grande - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
                 en.wikipedia.org
      <rindolf>  According to Jewish law a girl becomes a woman at age 12
                 (and a boy becomes a man at age 13).
     <misspwn_>  consider herself lucky for looking young
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: sure.
     <misspwn_>  i started getting grey hair at 19/20 years old
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: there was an episode of
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sabrina,_the_Teenage_Witch_%28TV_series%29
                 where a very old witch, who was a big player, looked like
                 a teenager.
    <rbarrybot>  [ Sabrina, the Teenage Witch (TV series) - Wikipedia, the
                 free encyclopedia ] - en.wikipedia.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, my sisters and I all have grey hair.
     <misspwn_>  aw man that was such a good show
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: one of my sisters whose hair is now darker
                 (blackish) is now colouring it.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: the other has brighter hair so her grey/white
                 hair doesn't get noticed.
     <misspwn_>  yeah
      <rindolf>  I don't colour my hair.
      <rindolf>  Well, at least it's still growing.
     <misspwn_>  i bleach mine blonde but have light brown hair naturally
                 so it's a little noticeable
     <misspwn_>  not as dramatic contrast as almost black hair though
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: yes, Sabrina was great. I think I still
                 preferred Clarissa -
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Clarissa_Explains_It_All
    <rbarrybot>  [ Clarissa Explains It All - Wikipedia, the free
                 encyclopedia ] - en.wikipedia.org
     <misspwn_>  clarissa was way better
      <rindolf>  Not sure anyone remember CEIA now.
     <misspwn_>  agreed on that yo
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: yes.
     <misspwn_>  fergasuuuuuuuuun
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: Sabrina was funnier, though.
     <misspwn_>  clarissa was just edgier
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I want Melissa Joan Hart to play or voice Katie
                 here -
                 http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ongoing-text.html
    <rbarrybot>  [ Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” - Ongoing Text ] -
                 www.shlomifish.org
      <rindolf>  And it features a talking cat.
      <rindolf>  In my story, Jake Sisko and her character are mutually
                 attracted to one another.
     <misspwn_>  hah
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: the new MJH is
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Emma_Watson .
    <rbarrybot>  [ Emma Watson - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
                 en.wikipedia.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: many young people today don't know who MJH is.
      <rindolf>  Sic Transit Gloria Mundi.
     <misspwn_>  wait there is a new ?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I mean in essence of being a good girl/"beta
                 female"/responsible-adult/etc.
     <misspwn_>  oh, *shrug* i really don't get involved with actors and
                 their lives
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: as opposed to the alpha-female/"Bad
                 girl"/insurgent/rebel/etc. (e.g: Jennifer Lawrence or
                 Sarah Michelle Gellar, and all the way back to
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sarah_Bernhardt ).
    <rbarrybot>  [ Sarah Bernhardt - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
                 en.wikipedia.org
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, I sometimes get it by infusion.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: http://shlomifish.livejournal.com/3001.html -
                 this is my most burning Sic Transit Gloria Mundi (STGM)
                 project - I hope to make Megan Fox *the* alpha female
                 instead of Jenn Law and more importantly to make Summer
                 Glau the new hacker monarch instead of me.
    <rbarrybot>  [ Unarmed but still Dangerous - Finishing Off The Open
                 Content / Web 2.0 Revolution: (#SummerNSA) ] -
                 shlomifish.livejournal.com
      <rindolf>  And I also want SMG, Chuck Norris & Megan Fox to win all
                 possible awards.
     <misspwn_>  my eye candy for a male celeb would be joseph gordon
                 levitt, female would be scarlet johansen
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: isn't Levitt that Third Rock from the Sun guy?
     <misspwn_>  yep
     <misspwn_>  i did not like him in loopers or whatever that movie was
                 with bruce willis, nor did i like don jon
   <badpeaches>  hiya
       <Delver>  badpeaches, hi
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah.
   <badpeaches>  hi Delver
     <misspwn_>  naughty peaches
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: well, it's Publish or Perish.
   <badpeaches>  misspwn_, what's up?
       <Delver>  hi misspwn_ show peaches your wall for ideas
     <misspwn_>  badpeaches, watching MST3K and avoiding some math
                 homework
     <misspwn_>  how r u bb?
     <misspwn_>  badpeaches, oh yeah http://i.imgur.com/bWlXzsT.jpg
   <badpeaches>  aww, bb
   <badpeaches>  I just got dumped
   <badpeaches>  :(
    <enchilado>  D:
     <misspwn_>  badpeaches, why he/she do dis?
       <Delver>  badpeaches, cheer up. it might be for the best
       <Delver>  I'm sorry though if you had your hopes up for a good
                 night
   <badpeaches>  aww, thank you enchilado
       <Delver>  we all need a good night
   <badpeaches>  he said "it's me not you"
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I still haven't finally decided on which actor
                 will play Daniel (= the white soldier in the first
                 guarding station) on SummerNSA. I'm thinking someone with
                 a baby face, maybe
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Fred_Savage
   <badpeaches>  he said we didn't connect
    <rbarrybot>  [ Fred Savage - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] -
                 en.wikipedia.org
     <misspwn_>  how long you been dating?
   <badpeaches>  two weeks
     <misspwn_>  ah well at least it's now rather than a year later
      <rindolf>  Hmm... he's Jewish of mixed
                 German/Latvian/Polish/Ukrainian descent.
     <misspwn_>  that saves a whole lot of super sad feels badpeaches ,
                 that's when you say "yer damn right it's you"
   <badpeaches>  yer right misspwn_
              *  badpeaches kicks some dust
      <rindolf>  His character on The Wonder Years was not Jewish, while
                 the one of his dorkier friend was.
     <misspwn_>  besides, i'm all you need
     <misspwn_>  ;)
       <Delver>  hot sisterly love
   <badpeaches>  i'm not asking for consent this time
       <Delver>  I've been browsing r/thefapping, are you sure?
      <rindolf>  badpeaches: sorry to hear about your ex.
              *  badpeaches is now known as FuegoPeaches
 <FuegoPeaches>  I'm so mad
 <FuegoPeaches>  like ugh
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: don't get mad - get even!
 <FuegoPeaches>  how?
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: post his naked photos online!
 <FuegoPeaches>  there's no getting anything
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: hire Summer Glau to assassinate him. Using
                 her mind.
 <FuegoPeaches>  you're so stupid rindolf
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: I'm just kidding.
 <FuegoPeaches>  okd
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: sorry, maybe sulk a little.
 <FuegoPeaches>  fuck that
      <rindolf>  FuegoPeaches: and it's alright to feel bad. Don't feel
                 bad about feeling bad.
       <Delver>  pm if you want to vent
       <Delver>  pm to misspwn_ for proper womanly venting
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: are you a girl?
       <Delver>  sorabji, promises to listen too
       <Delver>  rindolf, will write plays about it
      <rindolf>  Delver: heh, I may actually.
      <rindolf>  I often use material from my personal life or that of
                 friends as fodder for my stories.
       <Delver>  now as men, it is our duty to try to switch the blame to
                 women
       <Delver>  kate upton has really big breasts
      <rindolf>  Delver: http://paste.debian.net/118672/ - this is in part
                 based on a couple I know whose husband adopted his wife's
                 last name but I build on it further.
    <rbarrybot>  [ debian Pastezone ] - paste.debian.net
       <Delver>  my brother chose a hyphenated name with his wife. good
                 idea in my opinion, that is until the kids get married
      <rindolf>  And also there was this woman on #reddit-judaism who
                 found out she was a descendent of some Normandy Duke or
                 something like that.
      <rindolf>  So it inspired this too.
      <rindolf>  Delver: ah.
      <rindolf>  Delver: I'll refuse to give my future children an
                 hyphenated name. I wouldn't mind naming them after my
                 wife's maiden name, though.
      <rindolf>  Delver: and I'm not changing my last name away from
                 "Fish".
      <rindolf>  Being Mr. Fish is now part of my identity and trademark.
      <rindolf>  Delver: Kate Upton?
                 https://www.google.com/search?q=kate%20upton&gws_rd=ssl -
                 so it seems - look fake though, but who knows?
    <rbarrybot>  [ kate upton - Google Search ] - www.google.com
       <Delver>  rindolf, I don't know. I never heard of her
       <Delver>  I don't get out much :(
      <rindolf>  https://twitter.com/KateUpton - that's her twitter.
    <rbarrybot>  [ Kate Upton (KateUpton) on Twitter ] - twitter.com
      <rindolf>  Delver: well, it's her body and her life.
  <errgnomeous>  no it isn't
  <errgnomeous>  it's my body and life
      <rindolf>  errgnomeous: heh.
  <errgnomeous>  and I will turn it into bread and wine
  <errgnomeous>  then I will eat it
       <Delver>  we haven't grown beyound the 'meh, pretty but whatever'
                 attitude in the us yet
  <errgnomeous>  and drink it
      <rindolf>  errgnomeous: :-(
  <errgnomeous>  don't be sad
       <Delver>  mostly puritan weirdos and post teen wankery drives it
  <errgnomeous>  be happy
       <Delver>  bitter dregs
      <rindolf>  Delver: I don't mind being objectified as a sex object by
                 women.
       <Delver>  I don't think it's the objectification that would bother
                 people. it's the muttered words, the slut shaming, the
                 wolf whistles. the not taken seriously
      <rindolf>  Delver: I'm planning to appear on the cover of "People"
                 magazine one day with the caption "Sexiest man alive".
      <rindolf>  Delver: slut?
       <Delver>  as I said before, meh, whatevs
 <FuegoPeaches>  thank you errgnomeous
 <FuegoPeaches>  you're a gent
      <rindolf>  Delver: recently, Miranda Kerr has become a
                 slut-of-sorts-and-damn-proud-of-it. All the power to her
                 I say.
  <errgnomeous>  I am?
       <Delver>  +1 for errgnomeous
  <errgnomeous>  ;)
 <FuegoPeaches>  you've made me smile
 <FuegoPeaches>  :)
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, i am
  <errgnomeous>  well that's all that matters
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, nice. Are you bi?
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, uh no
  <errgnomeous>  yes she is
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, OK.
 <FuegoPeaches>  LOL
       <Delver>  I think the only time that characterization is
                 appropriate is between two (or more) intimate partners
     <misspwn_>  not that it's a bad thing
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I'm a little attracted to men, but I'd rather
                 not explore that.
 <FuegoPeaches>  kate upton is so hot
     <misspwn_>  errgnomeous, if the right woman came alone
 <FuegoPeaches>  want to bang
     <misspwn_>  kate upton is a QT
       <Delver>  a what?
     <misspwn_>  alone would be good, along would be even better
       <Delver>  oh sorry. slow
     <misspwn_>  a QT.314
 <FuegoPeaches>  cutie
  <errgnomeous>  i wonder if kate upton is a fan of john denver
       <Delver>  yes. I was slow to figure it out
 <FuegoPeaches>  probably
     <misspwn_>  john denver in the house
       <Delver>  I was reading it too literally
 <FuegoPeaches>  West Virginia
     <misspwn_>  i LOLed about that photoshop
  <errgnomeous>  take me home
 <FuegoPeaches>  mountain momma
  <errgnomeous>  to the place
     <misspwn_>  i fling pooooooooo
     <misspwn_>  WEST VERGINA
 <FuegoPeaches>  gina
 <FuegoPeaches>  haha
       <Delver>  one of my favorites
  <errgnomeous>  i need some milk
 <FuegoPeaches>  go get some
     <misspwn_>  you can milk anything with nipples greg
  <errgnomeous>  I will go get some
       <Oddity>  But I do not produce milk
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I recently kinda flirted with a young guy who
                 sat with his friends next to an icecream shop. I told him
                 he reminded me of Orlando Bloom, and we all stroke a
                 conversation.
     <misspwn_>  go top yourself off with your nips
 <FuegoPeaches>  hiya Oddity
      <rindolf>  I think I bought icecream there.
 <FuegoPeaches>  can we use you as a test subject?
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, go get you some hot male love
       <Delver>  human milk icecream? count me in
  <errgnomeous>  did you know ice cream made from hippo milk is pink
       <Delver>  I've always wanted to get what I didn't as a kid (sniff,
                 cries)
  <errgnomeous>  it taste like strawberries
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: heh, how about no.
  <errgnomeous>  rindolf: you don't like hot sweaty male love?
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I'll sleep with this boy if you sleep with
                 Jennifer Lawrence and let me watch the sex tape. ;-)
                 Lesbian sex is hawt!
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, or or you can just do what makes you happy :P
     <misspwn_>  i'm not going to become a lesbian for convenience of
                 others sorry
  <errgnomeous>  what if eating skittles naked while sitting in a hot tub
                 and watching netflix is what makes you happy?
       <Delver>  do whatever you can get by with. whomever it is. don't be
                 too selective
     <misspwn_>  because then I’ll have to stop shaving my armpits and
                 become a vegan and read old articles from Gloria Steinem
       <Delver>  it hurts later
     <misspwn_>  yeah, you'll end up like joan rivers on life support, and
                 no one truly wants that
     <misspwn_>  mine worked
       <Delver>  there are 2 homeless couples and a single woman camping
                 near me
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: heh, so much for stigma.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I've met many really cool Lesbians.
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, :P stigma is for the birds, son
     <misspwn_>  i also have pretty awesome lesbian friends
      <rindolf>  And I think homosexuality is a spectrum.
     <misspwn_>  they aren't all super feminazi-hambeasts
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: that's nice.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: that's great.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: so you're a girl who uses the term "Feminazi"?
                 I tend to say "cynical feminism" which is less ambiguous.
      <rindolf>  I acknowledge the existence of non-cynical feminism (e.g:
                 My Little Pony).
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, for me personally it's the whole 3rd wave
                 feminist movement i cannot stand so the term feminazi
                 seems to fit the bill
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, OK.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: how many waves were there?
      <rindolf>  Which wave is Buffy? I cannot remember.
     <misspwn_>  well unless it turns into 4th Reich, i believe there is
                 only 3
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, i don't think your average stereotypical 3rd
                 wave feminist truly appreciates what the previous women
                 have accomplished for them
     <misspwn_>  it's a circle jerk of men bashing
     <misspwn_>  er i should say truly does not appreciate @ rindolf
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Girl_power -
                 apparently Buffy is 3rd wave feminism.
     <LadyTr0n>  what other circle jerk could you possibly be referring
                 to?
     <LadyTr0n>  men hating on men
     <LadyTr0n>  and masturbating
       <Delver>  actually it's good to male bash. it's one of the freedoms
                 that women earned
     <LadyTr0n>  no bueno
      <rindolf>  Xena was an awfully feminist (and unrealistic and
                 comical) heroine, but I can retrospectively say she was
                 awesome.
     <misspwn_>  Delver, possibly, but i feel some take it too far
       <Delver>  of course
      <rindolf>  Lucy Lawless who played her: 1. Also had starred in some
                 Oceanian porn films before doing Xena. 2. Cried in her
                 wedding.
     <misspwn_>  and i'm not oppressed when i make my bf a sandwich
                 either. i like to cook
       <Delver>  just like men take this silly "men’s rights" backlash
                 into dumb directions
     <misspwn_>  yep
       <Delver>  as long as we find a happy median
       <Delver>  too bad we only get one life to fuck up
     <misspwn_>  you get your all or nothing groups in all categories
       <Delver>  or maybe just as well
      <rindolf>  Lots of people couldn't imagine Xena (the character)
                 crying at her wedding.
  <errgnomeous>  actually there's an infinite amount of lives we just
                 don't realize it
     <misspwn_>  it's just a shame you have the ones who are the moldy
                 slice of bread in the package
     <misspwn_>  it just spreads
      <rindolf>  Buffy was a different matter altogether - she cried
                 sometimes.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I'm a 37 years old man who can cook only very
                 simple things like pasta - not too politically correct, I
                 know.
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, you get as much you put in
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: recently https://twitter.com/BarRefaeli tweeted
                 about the fact that she started cooking and her Tsculent
                 (with chicken!) looked yumyum.
     <misspwn_>  if you only put just the tip in, someone is going to be
                 disappointed
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: yes, my parents and sisters are excellent
                 cooks, but I lack the time and energy for cooking.
      <rindolf>  I enjoy eating food (naturally) but don't mind going to
                 eat it in a restaurant.
       <Delver>  I ate vegetable straws all evening
       <Delver>  mildly nauseated
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: on the plane back home my father and I met a
                 man who couldn't even cook pasta (which I can).
     <misspwn_>  yikes
      <rindolf>  Delver: ah , maybe eat something else.
     <misspwn_>  one thing i've never made and would like to master is
                 beef Wellington
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: he was an amazing man though, and resembled
                 both my father and me.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah.
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: my mother doesn't taste the food while cooking
                 it and still usually gets good results. They recently got
                 many good ideas from T.V. or the Internet, etc.
       <Delver>  LadyTr0n, keep on hangin in there
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, that's me, hasn't really failed yet except for
                 some couscous with spinach that had far too much lemon
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah.
     <misspwn_>  earthy lemony overload yikes
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I'm OK with couscous.
     <misspwn_>  couscous is great!
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: I prefer rice or pasta or noodles or tabulah or
                 whatever though.
       <Delver>  I need some righteous manhate songs ladies. post it!
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: where do you live?
     <misspwn_>  Delver, uhhh how about any song with alanis morrisette
              *  rindolf is not good at knowing how to meet celebrities.
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, st louis area
      <rindolf>  I met a few software dev/etc. celebs online.
     <misspwn_>  i've met richard stallman
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, I was told St. Louis is a boring town.
     <misspwn_>  st louis is pretty lively
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: so did I - I also met Larry Wall.
              *  Delver will go for the non-ironic 'isn't it ironic' song
      <rindolf>  misspwn_: ah, maybe it became better..
     <misspwn_>  rindolf, the ferguson stuff was close to me but it's
                 dying down a lot
     <misspwn_>  Delver, what about jewel
     <misspwn_>  or diana king
     <misspwn_>  .yt diana king
    <rbarrybot>  [YT Search] Title: Diana King - Shy Guy | Duration: 4mins
                 22secs | Link: http://youtu.be/xn9LQZ5tdys
     <misspwn_>  .yt mc lyte
    <rbarrybot>  [YT Search] Title: MC Lyte - Paper Thin {actual video} |
                 Duration: 3mins 46secs | Link:
                 http://youtu.be/WH5CmB44TaY
      <rindolf>  Delver: there was an episode of
                 https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lois_%26_Clark:_The_New_Adventures_of_Superman
                 that made fun of it.
    <rbarrybot>  [ Lois & Clark: The New Adventures of Superman -
                 Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia ] - en.wikipedia.org
       <Delver>  also Tori Amos
     <misspwn_>  .yt upright citizens brigade ass pennies
    <rbarrybot>  [YT Search] Title: Ass Pennies | Duration: 4mins 5secs |
                 Link: http://youtu.be/DO1Q7F23DxM
      <rindolf>  Delver: who?
      <rindolf>  Alanis' "Ironic" song is great though.
       <Delver>  I love it
       <Delver>  not a fan of that kind of note shifting
       <Delver>  Tori Amos, a singer that hits a chord with women and
                 lesbians. she sings about personal stuff, love etc
       <Delver>  big in the late 1990s and early naughties
      <rindolf>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jne9t8sHpUc
    <rbarrybot>  [YouTube] Title: Alanis Morissette - Ironic (Video) |
                 Duration: 4mins 6secs
              *  LadyTr0n is now known as MsPeaches
       <Delver>  good, that's easier to remember
      <rindolf>  MsPeaches: are you feeling better now?
      <rindolf>  Delver: ah, I heard of Tori Amos. She has some good
                 songs.
      <rindolf>  and I say it as a straight man.
      <rindolf>  .yt here's to never give up tiffany alvord
    <rbarrybot>  [YT Search] Title: Avril Lavigne - Here's To Never
                 Growing Up - CLEAN (Official Music Cover) by Tiffany
                 Alvord | Duration: 5mins 22secs | Link:
                 http://youtu.be/u7vzicDQJ4k
       <Delver>  I saw her live but I only went in a group
       <Delver>  wasn't really for me
       <Delver>  but I appreciate the fact she really had a strong female
                 presence
       <Delver>  rindolf, can you please mail me some Israeli made machine
                 guns. just label them as machine parts
      <rindolf>  Delver: heh.
      <rindolf>  Delver: I have no idea how I'll acquire one.
      <rindolf>  Delver: and I'm not into guns myself.
       <Delver>  just joking anyway
      <rindolf>  Delver: ah, OK.
       <Delver>  cool reddit image: http://i.imgur.com/8J4rBYQ.png
       <Delver>  burning man
      <rindolf>  Delver:
                 http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Muppets-Show-TNI/Summer-Glau-and-Chuck-Norris.html
                 - here Chuck and Summer Glau make extensive use of
                 gunnery. There are some references to them both being
                 texans too.
    <rbarrybot>  [ The Muppets Show The Next Incarnation - With Summer
                 Glau and Chuck Norris ] - www.shlomifish.org
       <Delver>  not into slash fiction. telling it to the wrong person
      <rindolf>  Delver: https://duckduckgo.com/?q=ponies%20guns - ponies
                 with guns.
    <rbarrybot>  [ ponies guns at DuckDuckGo ] - duckduckgo.com
      <rindolf>  Delver: by slash fiction do you mean "fan fiction"?
       <Delver>  not interested in ponies either
       <Delver>  airships now. yes!
      <rindolf>  Delver: OK, how about cats with guns? ;-)
       <Delver>  nope
      <rindolf>  Delver: ah.
      <rindolf>  Delver: which animals do you like?
       <Delver>  turtles
       <Delver>  I like turtles
      <rindolf>  Delver: nice.
      <sorabji>  hehe
      <rindolf>  Delver: did you see the latest TMNT film?
       <Delver>  no. I give no shits about that
      <sorabji>  no fucks to give?
     <misspwn_>  not going to watch it either, i don't want to have it
                 ruined like enders game

    -- #reddit, Freenode
%
[Selina is sitting next to her computer at home with Firefox browsing the
Hebrew Wikipedia. She keeps highlighting words and hovering over them to find
translations using a Firefox extension.

There is a signal, and the Pidgin icon in the status bar starts blinking.
Selina clicks it.]

Mosheh Ben-Amram: [ on IM ] Hello, Selina! How are you doing, today?

Selina: I’m fine. Trying to contribute to the Hebrew Wikipedia. These Affixes
are driving me crazy.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Heh, עברית קשה שפה, but there are worse.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: האם את מדברת עברית? [ = “Do you speak Hebrew?” ]

Selina: Qtsath, or as new speakers will say Qetsath. Heh.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, one of the first words you have to learn to say, and
it’s already a Shibboleth.

Selina: Emeth. [ = "True." ]

BTW, are you actually Mosheh Ben-Amram (= Moses) the Hebrew prophet?

Mosheh Ben-Amram: I won’t deny that I am.

Selina: Hah!

Mosheh Ben-Amram: There are quite a few other people called “Mosheh Ben-Amram”
in the Israeli phone directory.

Selina: Yes, I can imagine that.

Actually, judging by recent happenings, learning Hebrew may be the least of my
problems.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Anything you’d like to talk about?

Selina: No, I don’t expect you to believe me, anyway. Any more than the amount
that I’ll believe you if you told me you were actually the Jewish prophet.

Mosheh Ben-Amram: Yes, well, I have some business to tend to. Good luck with
the Hebrew Wikipedia. סעי לשלום - המפתחות בפנים! [ = “Drive safely, the keys
are inside.” ]

Selina: Thanks, and let me figure out what you just wrote, heh.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Selina Mandrake - The Slayer ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Selina-Mandrake/ )
%
It’s OK if you forget my birthday, but please don’t forget my 364
[unbirthdays](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdsZT7WKjW8). Contact me to [say
you love me](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QwOU3bnuU0k), and every day can be
the [best day of my life](http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RW3rK-giAaM) so far!

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Tweet ( http://twitter.com/shlomif/status/478025441983213569 )
%
                *  undead_rattler hugs rindolf
                *  rindolf hugs undead_rattler
                *  undead_rattler carries rindolf away into the night
                *  rindolf cannot be carried - he has infinite weight.
 <undead_rattler>  rindolf cannot have infinite weight - that would
                   require being inside of a black hole, or a gravity
                   manipulator that would destabilize the earth.
 <undead_rattler>  also.
                *  undead_rattler has infinite muscle
        <rindolf>  undead_rattler: heh.
        <adaedra>  You just got SCIENCED.

    -- #reddit-mlp, Freenode
%
        <krator44>  i am a young university graduate anxious to create new
                    experiences in an innovative environment
           <zoite>  i wear cardigans and chucks and i'm eager to work in a
                    trendy abode
 <tacoinanus_away>  krator44: that reeks of bullshit
 <tacoinanus_away>  don't put that on a resume haha
        <krator44>  what?
 <tacoinanus_away>  Everything you've been saying
        <krator44>  it's what everyone has on their resume
 <tacoinanus_away>  sounds like it's a line from a resume
        <ElmerFUD>  That. Wasn't krator44
 <tacoinanus_away>  krator44: that's why it's bad
        <ElmerFUD>  Wait. What
        <krator44>  it's just the resume side of enterprise jargon
        <krator44>  i know a guy that thrives on this language
           <zoite>  I'm a social media expert that yearns for innovative
                    trends in an upcoming establishment
        <krator44>  i am a team player anxious to bring new solutions to
                    the market in a high paced start-up environment
           <zoite>  I don't know what pointers are but I can make a mean
                    slide animation
         <rindolf>  I am a highly motivated independent team player who is
                    detail oriented and looks at the big picture, and is
                    anxious to create innovative solutions for the
                    enterprise.
        <krator44>  that’s not bad
         <rindolf>  krator44: but does it scale?
           <zoite>  it's not very agile

    -- #Reddit, Freenode
%
The world is full of people, who each have their own personal whims and
quirks, and which they expect you to remember and accommodate for, all the
time.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#the_world_is_full_of_people )
%
It always works at the end. Too bad it doesn't work right at the beginning.

    -- Shlomi Fish’s Relative
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#it_always_works_at_the_end )
%
Some people grow older and wiser. Not I. I grow older and more foolish.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#grow_older )
%
 <ProfessorBacon>  this is the internet? sweet!
        <rindolf>  ProfessorBacon: the Internet is a lie!
 <ProfessorBacon>  you are a lie.
          <sikio>  the internet is a series of tubes
        <rindolf>  ProfessorBacon: your statement is a lie.
 <ProfessorBacon>  rindolf: lies are lies
        <rindolf>  ProfessorBacon: the truth is a lie!
        <rindolf>  «And truth be told - I miss you. And truth be told -
                   I'm lying.» --
                   https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gives_You_Hell
         <CoJaBo>  What, pray tell, does a Professor of Baconology do?
         <CoJaBo>  ..i remember that song
        <rindolf>  CoJaBo: finds the perfect Bacon recipes!
        <rindolf>  CoJaBo: Bacon is a lie!
        <rindolf>  CoJaBo: maybe it should be Professor Mr. Bacon like
                   Reverend Mr. Bacon.

    -- Everything you’ve heard is a lie.
    -- #Reddit, Freenode
%
How can you make a programming language that will be good for everything if
you cannot even make such a screwdriver?

    -- An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#prog_lang_that_will_be_good_for_everything )
%
I understood what Monads are for 5 minutes. Then I had to let go of the
understanding. It was too intense to be kept inside my head.

    -- An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#understanding_monads )
%
*Q:* How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?

*A:* It’s not funny!!!

    -- Omer Zak
    -- Facebook Post ( https://www.facebook.com/groups/269782023084250/permalink/883268655068914/ )
%
*Shlomi’s Friend:* You will take good care of this book, right?

*Shlomi:* Oh, don't worry! I’ll just tear the paper apart, burn it, dip it in
sulphuric acid, radiate anti-matter on it, and teleport it to a black hole.

*Shlomi’s Friend:* That’s it? I do it to it every day.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#taking_good_care_of_a_book )
%
Step 1: Be Clever. Step 2: Use this to write obfuscated code.

Step 3: get fired for writing obfuscated code.

Step 4: Get killed by the maintenance programmer.

Step 5: Burn in hell for a milliard years for writing obfu code.

Step 6: Profit??

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Aphorisms Collection ( http://www.shlomifish.org/humour.html#how_to_hide_code )
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all.
  <yaraju>  Hi rundolf!
  <yaraju>  Hi orbii!
  <yaraju>  rindolf* sorry
 <rindolf>  yaraju: meow!
 <rindolf>  yaraju: how are you?
  <yaraju>  Umm.... sqeuak?
  <yaraju>  I'm good thanks! :)
         *  rindolf eats yaraju - what a delicious mouse.
  <yaraju>  o_O
         *  yaraju reincarnates as another mouse
 <rindolf>  Heh.
  <yaraju>  cycle of life, what can I say?
         *  rindolf gets sick from the food and dies.
         *  yaraju waits for rindolf to show up again in some form
         *  rindolf gets reincarnated as a chimera.
  <yaraju>  :D chimera! Kewl!
         *  rindolf doesn't remember what exactly a chimera is.
  <yaraju>  Some mix of two animals is what I recall
  <yaraju>  of more than one animal*
 <rindolf>  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Chimera_%28mythology%29 - yes.
  <ubnotu>  Title: Chimera (mythology) - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
            (at en.wikipedia.org)
  <yaraju>  Forget the adjectives - those change over time. Lol!
  <yaraju>  but the fire-breathing sounds kewl!
  <yaraju>  makes it easier to cook bbq? :D
 <rindolf>  yaraju: heh, heh.
         *  yaraju transforms into Remi and tries to collect ingredients
            to mix to get that "Zing" flavor
  <yaraju>  Am I the only one here that's seen Ratatouille?
 <rindolf>  yaraju: I've seen it too.
 <rindolf>  yaraju: nice film.
  <yaraju>  \o/

    -- ##club-nomicon, Freenode
%
<<<

A lecture or two ago, when Guy Keren was saying that linux would never ever be
a gaming platform i tried to point out he was wrong, and it's actually doing
OK, and everyone looked at me like i'm crazy.

>>>

Some rules of thumb I tweeted about recently:

1. If someone tells you something is impossible and you can't do it, it
probably can be done.

2. If someone tells you something will *surely* never happen, it likely can
happen.

3. If someone tells you are an idiot and are definitely wrong, then you
probably uncovered an [Elephant in the
Room](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Elephant_in_the_room) and are right. Also
see [“Encourage criticism and try to get
offended”](http://shlomifishswiki.branchable.com/Encourage_criticism_and_try_to_get_offended/).

In general, people who are sure of themselves are probably wrong, as I am not
even sure of the [Aristotlean
Logic](http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aristotle#Logic) which got us incredibly
far.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Post to the Haifa Linux Club mailing list. ( http://www.mail-archive.com/haifux@haifux.org/msg05023.html )
%
HP-UX is not a UNIX, and AIX is even less than that.

    -- An Israeli Open Source Enthusiast
    -- Quoted from a private conversation.
%
      <rindolf>  Pedro: hi, sup?
        <Pedro>  sup, rindolf :)
      <rindolf>  Pedro: I worked on my home site.
        <Pedro>  Is it good now?
      <rindolf>  Pedro: added this page -
                 http://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/computers/web/models-for-commerce/
                 ?
        <amd64>  [ “Alternative” Profitable Models for Web-based Commerce
                 ]
      <rindolf>  Pedro: I hope it was good before but now it is better.
      <rindolf>  Pedro: perfection is in imperfection.
      <rindolf>  Pedro: and time is believed by some philosophers to be
                 nature's way of moving from imperfection to somewhat
                 lesser imperfection.
      <rindolf>  Pedro: because if reality was perfect , it wouldn't
                 evolve.
     <archmint>  💯<- what symbol is that?
     <archmint>  quiet again. Nothing sad I hope.
      <rindolf>  archmint: i see 100 something and some garbage.
     <archmint>  rindolf: what?
     <archmint>  oh in the unicode box
      <rindolf>  archmint: on the symbol.
      <rindolf>  archmint: yes.
      <rindolf>  Pedro: also see
                 http://fc-solve.shlomifish.org/faq.html#is_fc_solve_completed
     <archmint>  rindolf the goody two shoes reindeer, how are you?
      <rindolf>  archmint: this. MEANS. WAR!!!!
      <rindolf>  archmint: I am an EVIL Reindeer!
              *  rindolf uses his EVIL Antlers to curse archmint
     <archmint>  rindolf, I love you, too.
      <rindolf>  archmint: heh. :-) ♥!
              *  archmint wields his wand.
     <archmint>  But if you insist
      <rindolf>  archmint: maybe you can join me on the Evil Reindeer Evil
                 World Domination Evil Conspiracy? ☺
              *  archmint unEVILizes rindolf
     <archmint>  rindolf: Sounds like a plan
      <rindolf>  archmint: I'm protected against anti-EVILisation schemes.
              *  rindolf eats archmint 's wand.
     <archmint>  no one can say I didn't try
       <ferros>  Hi Rudolf :)
      <rindolf>  ferros: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
       <ferros>  What do you mean?
     <archmint>  rindolf: you really are all about that war 'bout that war
              *  rindolf hits ferros with his "My name is Rindolf,
                 Dammit!" cluebat.
       <ferros>  You're not Rudolf?
      <rindolf>  archmint: i wage wars.
      <rindolf>  archmint: My War! Mein Kampf!
      <rindolf>  ferros: Rudolph is one of my two goody two-shoes twins.
      <rindolf>  ferros: along with Randolph.
      <rindolf>  ferros: and they are among my arch enemies.
     <archmint>  archmint enemies?
              *  archmint tosses the disk to rindolf
     <archmint>  *disc
         <drug>  LOL
     <archmint>  oh hi drug! again for like the third time! :P
         <drug>  hey minty :)
         <drug>  what’s going on
     <archmint>  Nothing. Just listening to tiny dancer.
     <archmint>  HOLD ME CLOSER TINY DANCER!
     <archmint>  count the headlights on the high way
     <archmint>  not *now* duuuh
     <archmint>  drug: what are you up to?
         <drug>  eating a breakfast sandwich and under the cool AC
         <drug>  the heatwave continues
     <archmint>  drug: oh! what part of the world are you in?
       <ferros>  So what's your name?
         <drug>  USA
       <ferros>  If not Rudolf?
       <ferros>  I'm sorry, drug
       <ferros>  :(
     <archmint>  It is freezing here
     <archmint>  http://northpole-grenlandia.ru/wp-content/gallery/dog/vuki.jpg
         <drug>  ferros: what for.
     <archmint>  rindolf: maybe you are close to me. Wanna hang?
       <ferros>  Maybe you can save up and move to the free world, drug
      <rindolf>  archmint: I live in Tel Aviv, Israel.
     <archmint>  rindolf: Oh. I live on the north pole.
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah.
     <archmint>  I thought, you know, since your name is rindolf and
                 everything
     <archmint>  but ok
     <archmint>  I'd be willing to take a trip to Israel
     <archmint>  :P
      <rindolf>  archmint: so you can walk 1km south, 1km east, & 1km
                 north and end up at the same place?
     <archmint>  exactly
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah, cool.
     <archmint>  Label Israel
     <archmint>  goto: Israel
     <archmint>  dam. Madlib shades of blue is definitely his best album.
                 I cannot stop listening to it
     <archmint>  It's like you just fell into the heart of New Orleans
     <archmint>  With a hip hop influence
     <archmint>  Tools!
      <rindolf>  archmint: 50 shades of blue? ;-)
     <archmint>  rindolf: - 50
      <rindolf>  archmint: that was a joke.
     <archmint>  rindolf: me too
      <rindolf>  archmint: you were supposed to laugh.
              *  archmint ha
      <rindolf>  THIS. MEANS . WAR!!!
      <rindolf>  J/K.
              *  archmint wields a light saber this time
     <archmint>  eat that
     <archmint>  ;)
     <archmint>  rindolf: draw rindolf the EVIL reindeer eating a light
                 saber :S
              *  rindolf drains the lightsaber out of light.
      <rindolf>  archmint: i'm not much of a painter.
     <archmint>  don't you draw things?
      <rindolf>  archmint: very few.
      <rindolf>  archmint: if you mean this - it's not really much -
                 http://www.shlomifish.org/art/
        <amd64>  [ Shlomi Fish’s Art ]
     <archmint>  Shlomi!
     <archmint>  Shlomi {XED
     <archmint>  that was a really bad fish
      <rindolf>  archmint: yes, it means "Shalom-ful" in Hebrew.
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah, yes.
      <rindolf>  ()=<
      <rindolf>  Somewhat better.
      <rindolf>  -()=<
     <archmint>  https://drawception.com/viewgame/eydXpMGgOh/inception/
     <archmint>  printf "hey terminal_echo\n"
      <rindolf>  archmint: printf-format-string-exploits!
     <archmint>  .g printf string exploits
        <amd64>  archmint:
                 http://www.cis.syr.edu/~wedu/Teaching/cis643/LectureNotes_New/Format_String.pdf
     <archmint>  .g bash printf string exploits
        <amd64>  archmint:
                 http://stackoverflow.com/questions/7459630/how-can-a-format-string-vulnerability-be-exploited
     <archmint>  rindolf.getObject().printf_exploit(rindolf.getObject().get_random_memory());
      <rindolf>  archmint: heh.
      <rindolf>  archmint: sup?
     <archmint>  rindolf: nada mucho. tu?
      <rindolf>  archmint: I wrote an email which I wasn't sure I'd like
                 to send.
     <archmint>  rindolf: yea. To me?
      <rindolf>  archmint: no, not to you.
     <archmint>  :P
     <archmint>  :(
              *  archmint is sad. no emails
      <rindolf>  archmint: join a few mailing lists.
     <archmint>  well. I had 3. but not from my bff rindolf
     <archmint>  ThIs. MeAnS. wAr!
      <rindolf>  archmint: what is bff?
      <rindolf>  Wow! Studly caps.
     <archmint>  rindolf: bff means best friend forever
      <rindolf>  best-friend-forever.
     <archmint>  yes
     <archmint>  :(
     <archmint>  no emails from my bff
      <rindolf>  ah, yes, i remember it from My Little Pony.
     <archmint>  haha. ok.
              *  archmint sings
     <archmint>  MY LITTLE PONY
     <archmint>  MY LITTLE PONY
     <archmint>  bla bla bla bla bla something bla
      <rindolf>  archmint: are you a brony too?
     <archmint>  I am not.
     <archmint>  rindolf: Do the irc clients automatically translate
                 sentences for us?
      <rindolf>  archmint: they do?
     <archmint>  rindolf: I was asking you
     <archmint>  also... madlib stop....
                 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haTAdQt3FQk&index=6&list=RDfFh9XwNkzFw
      <rindolf>  archmint: they don't by default as far as I know.
     <archmint>  haha 24 dislikes?
      <rindolf>  Maybe some do.
     <archmint>  rindolf: so you are speaking English?
      <rindolf>  archmint: yes, English.
      <rindolf>  archmint: I know English to an extent.
      <rindolf>  archmint: I can also write in Hebrew.
      <rindolf>  archmint: שלום!
     <archmint>  rindolf: Do you speak arabic?
      <rindolf>  archmint: a little.
      <rindolf>  archmint: I learned Literary Arabic for 6 years at
                 school.
     <archmint>  Mostly English, then? Or, rather, do you spea another
                 language?
      <rindolf>  archmint: but forgot most of my vocabulary.
      <rindolf>  archmint: I talk in Hebrew with my family and Israeli
                 neighbours and friends.
     <archmint>  ah. I see.
      <rindolf>  archmint: well, on the Internet, Israelis sometimes use
                 English to talk with one another.
     <archmint>  rindolf: I will learn Hebrew for you.
     <archmint>  Then we can say things and noone will know what we are
                 saying
     <archmint>  =P
      <rindolf>  archmint: in Israel, even the kiosk vendors and taxi cab
                 drivers know English.
      <rindolf>  archmint: heh, thanks for the gesture.
      <rindolf>  archmint: you will also be able to read the Jewish Bible
                 and stuff.
      <rindolf>  in Hebrew.
     <archmint>  ראה כמה טוב אני כבר
     <archmint>  =P
      <rindolf>  “You can never truly appreciate the Gilmore Girls until
                 you've watched it in the original Klingon.”
      <rindolf>  archmint: Google Translate? ;-)
     <archmint>  rindolf: of course not
              *  archmint is saddened
     <archmint>  THIS. MEANS. WAR!!
      <rindolf>  archmint: well, the somewhat more idiomatic way to say it
                 is ראה כמה אני כבר טוב
      <rindolf>  archmint: heh.
      <rindolf>  THIS. MEANS. ANNIHILATION!!!
      <rindolf>  archmint: i'm not too fond of most Jazz music.
     <archmint>  :o
      <rindolf>  archmint: the Madlib track was not too bad though.
     <archmint>  :o
      <rindolf>  archmint: http://weblibs.herokuapp.com/ - madweblibs.
        <amd64>  [ Madweblibs ]
      <rindolf>  Not my site.
     <archmint>  roflcopter
     <archmint>  remind me to not do pacman -S without first doing pacman
                 -Syu EVER
      <rindolf>  archmint: I'm reminding you to never do pacman -S without
                 first doing pacman -Syu. ;-)
      <rindolf>  archmint: when do you wish to be reminded of that?
              *  staticdomain sets a cron job to remind archmint every 5
                 mins
 <staticdomain>  hi everyone :)
     <archmint>  haha. thanks rindolf. staticdomain, I should :D
      <rindolf>  staticdomain: heh.
              *  archmint eating peanut butter sandwich
      <rindolf>  archmint: :-)
      <rindolf>  archmint: + jelly?
     <archmint>  no
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah.
     <archmint>  just pb
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah.
     <archmint>  archmint: ah.
      <rindolf>  archmint: pb is a major pb (=problem)
     <archmint>  (=
     <archmint>  why is that so, rindolf?
      <rindolf>  archmint: it's not. :-)
     <archmint>  hey, rindolf. you are red in my irc client :)
      <rindolf>  archmint: THIS. MEANS. WAR!!!
     <archmint>  haha
      <rindolf>  archmint: ah.
      <rindolf>  archmint: someone on ##programming nicknamed me "Rindolf
                 the Red"
     <archmint>  rindolf: the red-war-tipped EVIL reindeer
      <rindolf>  Like "Gandalf the Grey"
     <fahadash>  .can rand q* archmint
   <gliese581c>  archmint, How would you find out that you ran out of
                 invisible ink?
     <archmint>  c4 rindolf: you are this color to me
     <archmint>  this color
      <rindolf>  archmint: OK.
     <archmint>  gliese581c: taste the paper
     <archmint>  fahadash: you are red, too
 <staticdomain>  Careful. I switched his invisible ink with LSD
     <archmint>  :P
     <archmint>  q=P
      <rindolf>  I'm reminded that we had to do an exercise for English
                 class about writing a complaint letter to a company and
                 my friend prepared one about a smurf who received a
                 M.I.R.R.O.R - something "round reflector of recipient"
                 and was distressed that he saw there strange blue things.
 <staticdomain>  ugh, I'm bored but it is too hot out to go do anything
                 fun outdoors on my day off.
      <rindolf>  It was funny.
     <archmint>  That sounds funny.
      <rindolf>  archmint: yes.
              *  archmint pulls out a rapier and points the tip at rindolf
      <rindolf>  archmint:
                 https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/636595003268030464 -
                 this made me burst out laughing today.
        <amd64>  [ Shlomi Fish auf Twitter: "schquid:«R we talking about t
                 wholesale suppression of t proletariat by t corrupt
                 capitalists hell bend on providing #FOSS?!» Made me #LOL"
                 ]
              *  rindolf eats the tip of the rapier.
     <archmint>  hahaaha
      <rindolf>  archmint: a funnier thing happened to me with the same
                 friend for a different class.
     <archmint>  yeah no. :P
     <archmint>  rindolf: oh. yeh?
      <rindolf>  archmint: we were preparing a report about a trip and it
                 mentioned a very obscure detail like it was built by Kurd
                 workers from Jerusalem.
     <archmint>  huh. Very random.
      <rindolf>  So we went on a tangent and said "YEs , it was created by
                 southern workers, who were under the supervision of Count
                 Paul the Third, who travelled from his homeland at
                 Transylvania, to meet the duchess."
      <rindolf>  And we both laughed hysterically.
      <rindolf>  And then i took a break and said "And her Siamese cat..."
      <rindolf>  And we laughed even more and my friend fell from his
                 chair.
     <archmint>  hah. Nice. haha
     <archmint>  RINDOLF: http://i.imgur.com/IjQtD3h.png :D
      <rindolf>  archmint: :-) # I'm glad you like it.
      <rindolf>  archmint: hi.
     <archmint>  rindolf: hi.
      <rindolf>  zanzibizarre: sleep? THAT. MEANS. WAR!!!
     <archmint>  haha
      <rindolf>  zanzibizarre: Evil Reindeer don't sleep.
      <rindolf>  Sleep is for the weak and timid.
 <zanzibizarre>  We will FIGHT, till the death!

    -- ##TopChat, Freenode
%
 <buovjaga>  this is great:
             https://bugs.launchpad.net/inkscape/+bug/356343/comments/5
             "Bug, I'd like to add you to my professional network on
             LinkedIn."
  <rindolf>  buovjaga: heh, I have many software bugs on my professional
             network on LinkedIn.
  <rindolf>  buovjaga: some of my best friends and most admired
             professionals are software bugs.
 <buovjaga>  Most bugs are very reliable business partners. Of course,
             there are a few unfortunate heisenbugs among them.
  <rindolf>  buovjaga: :-)
  <rindolf>  Bug #356343 for government!
 <buovjaga>  Bug #356343 is what we need to make this planet great again.
  <rindolf>  buovjaga: heh.
  <rindolf>  Bug-to-bug harmony!
  <rindolf>  Long live bug #356343!

    -- #inkscape-devel, Freenode
%
  <rindolf>  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/SCO/Linux_controversies - wow!
             It's still ongoing.
 <farrioth>  rindolf: Has someone made a TV series about it yet?
  <rindolf>  farrioth: a telenovella!
  <rindolf>  farrioth: would be pretty exciting.
  <rindolf>  farrioth: Game of Thrones won't have nothing on it. ;-)
 <farrioth>  rindolf: Heh :)
  <rindolf>  farrioth: they'll call its fans SCOnies!
 <farrioth>  rindolf: Haha.
  <rindolf>  farrioth: :-)
  <rindolf>  farrioth: I'm going to setup scovslinuxtv.wikia.com
 <farrioth>  rindolf: Nice.
 <farrioth>  rindolf: And a TV Tropes page?
  <rindolf>  farrioth: yes!
  <rindolf>  farrioth: it's going to be really big.
 <farrioth>  rindolf: :)
  <rindolf>  farrioth: the Superbowl will be cancelled to air a SCO vs.
             Linux special!
  <rindolf>  farrioth: due to better ratings.
  <rindolf>  LOL.
 <farrioth>  rindolf: But that means we can't feature in the superbowl
             ad-break!
  <rindolf>  farrioth: we don't need that.
  <rindolf>  farrioth: we will be world-famous even without any ads.
 <farrioth>  rindolf: True true.
  <rindolf>  farrioth: yes.
          *  rindolf gets ready to sing the "Rich and Famous" contract.
  <rindolf>  s/sing/sign/
          *  farrioth hands rindolf a microphone.
  <rindolf>  farrioth: I need a pen - not a microphone
  <rindolf>  That or a GPG key
 <farrioth>  Heh.

    -- ##linux, Freenode
%
Back when I was in the 9th grade, during a Physics lesson, one of my
classmates complained to the teacher that something we were learning was too
hard. So my teacher asked her “Do you see people with picket baskets outside?”
and she answered no. And then he said “Well, then you should know that life is
no picnic!”.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Shlomi Fish’s Memoir
%
         <rindolf>  Hi all.
           <bkeys>  Hello rindolf
         <rindolf>  bkeys: sup?
           <bkeys>  Messing with docker still
           <bkeys>  I hate it but there is no better option
           <bkeys>  yourself?
         <rindolf>  bkeys: I fixed Freecell Solver on ARM linux.
         <rindolf>  bkeys: turns out "char"s in C are unsigned there by
                    default.
           <bkeys>  I thought this was always the case
         <rindolf>  bkeys: they are signed on x86
           <bkeys>  I did not know this
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  Protip: uint8_t and int8_t exist. Use them. :P
         <rindolf>  bkeys: ah.
           <bkeys>  I almost never use chars directly
         <rindolf>  ExpiredPopsicle: I know
           <bkeys>  Most of the time C++ data structures are good enough
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  Sign extending a char to an int can ruin your day.
           <bkeys>  Then ints and floats
       <BlackMoon>  rindolf: so you actually have to type signed char? :)
       <BlackMoon>  weird.
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  Or you could just use int8_t.
       <BlackMoon>  neverah
         <rindolf>  BlackMoon: yes
       <BlackMoon>  you can take my poorly defined types from my cold,
                    dead, typedefed hands
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  pfft
         <rindolf>  BlackMoon: or use the -fsigned-char compiler flag
       <BlackMoon>  'build procedure: use more obscure flags'
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  -O9999999999999999999999999999999999
       <BlackMoon>  -O911
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  Performance problems solved!
       <BlackMoon>  activate emergency optimizations!
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  Also I accidentally made the optimizer sentient. We're
                    all doomed.
       <BlackMoon>  nah we’re fine just so long as.. oh, you showed it
                    some of your source code too? Well no wonder it wants
                    to end all human life
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  You know how the optimizer figures out how some code
                    is unneeded and just deletes it?
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  It did that with humans.
       <BlackMoon>  or stuffed us all into a lib somewhere, never to be
                    linked with again
 <ExpiredPopsicle>  We have been simplified down to a 32-bit constant:
                    0x4655434B
                 *  rindolf survived
       <BlackMoon>  I will not be typecast!
       <BlackMoon>  I am a cHuman! NOT A NUMBER! AND DEFINATELY NOT A
                    VOID*
         <Type-21>  >DEFINATELY
       <BlackMoon>  I hope the compilers come for you first Type-21
         <Type-21>  i'm already lost
         <Type-21>  the compilers are flowing through me
       <BlackMoon>  resistance is futile, you will be compil error on line
                    53, invalid type-21
        <BlackFox>  I'm defiantly a void
                 *  rindolf got transpiled into JavaScript
         <Type-21>  aren't the kids these days doing coffescript or
                    typescript or something?

    -- #reddit-gamedev, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  Hi all
 <rindolf>  Sup?
     <Zuu>  Hi rindolf and Thymo :>
     <Zuu>  Merry weekend :>
 <rindolf>  Zuu: hi
     <Zuu>  How goes it?
 <rindolf>  Zuu: fine - working on cpan modules
   <Thymo>  Hey.
 <rindolf>  Zuu: perls before swine
   <Thymo>  Is GitHub up for you guys?
 <rindolf>  Thymo: it was a while ago
     <Zuu>  rindolf, do you happen to know if there’s some sort of perl to
            C transformer tool?
     <Zuu>  there's this EXIF tool written in perl, and it's just nuts
            that its not in C :P
 <rindolf>  Zuu: you can embed Perl code in C code
     <Zuu>  of course, if i wanted to have the entire interpreter on board
     <Zuu>  anyway, i take it as a "no, i don’t know of such a thing" :)
   <Thymo>  status.github.com
   <Thymo>  They just got a major outage.
     <Zuu>  ouch
   <Thymo>  Server availability just dropped to 0%.
     <Zuu>  maybe the student worker accidentally altered the DNS records
            :P
   <Thymo>  It had major outages yesterday.
     <Zuu>  Maybe they have two student workers :P
     <Zuu>  Or DoS...
   <Thymo>  The servers are still up. They're serving a 503 page.
     <Zuu>  or government attack :O
     <Zuu>  no, wait! The aliens have landed!
 <rindolf>  Zuu: heh
     <Zuu>  or maybe little bobby 0; DROP TABLES; -- have visited
   <Thymo>  SSH is still up.
   <Thymo>  But hangs as soon as it connects.
         *  Zuu starts playing the intro theme for X-Files
     <Zuu>  Thymo, We've got to solve this mystery
   <Thymo>  Let's ping -f them to see when they'll get back up. :p
     <Zuu>  i will help by making fun of things :>
     <Zuu>  to make sure we're doing a reliable ping, i think we need to
            ping it from several places
     <Zuu>  say... from a large scale botnet
 <rindolf>  Zuu: heh
     <Zuu>  you know... to see if it has come up yet :P
 <rindolf>  Zuu: you've been making me laugh now
     <Zuu>  :D
     <Zuu>  Welcome to ##Fun :>

    -- ##fun, Freenode
%
 <funnynickname>  oh shit.. so close
          <hlve>  OH COE ON.
         <foddo>  aw shit, i was early
       <deepend>  dang
     <radiofree>  that's what she said
       <rindolf>  foddo: "Hello! My name is foddo and I was early for
                  11:11 today," "Hello foddo! We all love you."
         <foddo>  rindolf: stop rubbing it in
         <foddo>  you're a horrible person
       <deepend>  s/in/
    <reddit-bot>  Correction, <foddo> rdolf: stop rubbg it
       <deepend>  s/stop/don't stop
    <reddit-bot>  Correction, <foddo> rdolf: don't stop rubbg it
         <foddo>  rubbg
         <foddo>  rdolf.
       <deepend>  rubbg me good
       <deepend>  rndlfo
         <foddo>  rdolf the rubbg redeer
       <rindolf>  foddo: but I'm trying to win the Nobel prize for being a
                  horrible person…
         <foddo>  i'm fairly sure you're not going to win that one.
       <rindolf>  foddo: it's one of my most coveted life achievements
       <rindolf>  foddo: why not?
         <foddo>  i mean you'll have to up your horrible game somewhat
                  dramatically
       <rindolf>  foddo: so I'm not as horrible as humanly possible?
                  That's quite an insult
         <foddo>  i, also, am working my way up the chain.
       <rindolf>  foddo: nice

    -- #reddit, Freenode
%
    <Hans>  http://engineering.wayfair.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/03/mongovsdevnull.png
    <Hans>  > I’ll have to get to the bottom of those unreliable read
            operations. But this is looking *very* promising
    <Hans>  > /dev/null is web scale, we heard, and it supports sharding!
 <shlomif>  heheh
 <shlomif>  have I shown you
            http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-sharp-programming-dev-null-is-webscale
            ?
    <Hans>  nope,
 <shlomif>  and
            http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-perl-nosql-dev-null
    <Hans>  ```how to properly secure it against abuse, so it will only
            null what you send to it. Not anything external and
            unsolicited.``` - sounds good
 <shlomif>  I should start a page on my wiki collecting links to the
            /dev/null is webscale meme
    <Hans>  >/dev/null has handled zettabytes of write-only data
            flawlessly
    <Hans>  maybe ^^
 <shlomif>  there's also https://devnull-as-a-service.com/
    <Hans>  haha yeah
    <Hans>  but i don’t like their setup,
    <Hans>  its not really scalable,
 <shlomif>  :-)
    <Hans>  https://i.imgur.com/N9Ajqcv.png
    <Hans>  yeah but really, nginx stores the entire request body, either
            in memory or on disk, before serving http 200
    <Hans>  that's not optimal!
    <Hans>  if you send a too-big-request-body to this server, you'll get
            a `Nginx: 413 Request Entity Too Large Error`
 <shlomif>  ah.
    <Hans>  do you see my point? :P
 <shlomif>  ah
 <shlomif>  nice analysis'
 <shlomif>  did you tell them about it?
    <Hans>  nope
 <shlomif>  ah
    <Hans>  maybe i should haha
    <Hans>  >mail: mail@devnull-as-a-service.com blog: noqqe.de twitter:
            @noqqe
 <shlomif>  nice
    <Hans>  (also, if you send with content-encoding: gzip/deflate/sdch,
            their setup will actually bother to use cpu DECOMPRESSING it,
            before discarding it)
 <shlomif>  ah, heh.

    -- private conversation, Facebook
%
I want to create a programming language called “Multiply” so people can say “I
program in Go, Forth, and Multiply”.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Tweet ( https://twitter.com/shlomif/status/880376410820542466 )
%
Take your schedule estimates and multiply them by
[Pi](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pi). Take your expected profits and divide
them by Pi.

    -- Shlomi Fish’s father’s mentor
    -- Quote
%
   <rindolf>  TimToady: BTW, is the word "creator" in English reserved to
              divine creation (like Hebrew "boré") or can it be a more
              mundane one ("yotzer")?
 <geekosaur>  english has only the one
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: yes
 <geekosaur>  to the extent that there's a difference, "create" implies
              something new, "make" means following someone else's
              pattern. but not everyone uses them that way; it's a much
              looser distinction than in Hebrew
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: well, there is
              https://www.gnu.org/philosophy/words-to-avoid.html#Creator
 <geekosaur>  yes, it varies. there's religious groups that can get snippy
              at times. they don't run the show
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: in Hebrew we have `assah for "make"
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: thanks! Seems like the FSF are being paranoid in
              this regard
 <geekosaur>  some groups are. "creator" was a perfectly good word until
              *recently* certain pseudo"Christian" groups decided to throw
              their weight around
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: ah
   <rindolf>  geekosaur: thanks

    -- #perl6, Freenode
%
 <brainzap>  rindolf: perl is dead right?
  <rindolf>  brainzap: don't know.
  <rindolf>  brainzap: some people think ruby is dying too
  <rindolf>  brainzap: or even PHP
  <rindolf>  brainzap: someone told me vim is dead
  <rindolf>  brainzap:
             https://blog.codinghorror.com/cobol-everywhere-and-nowhere/
 <brainzap>  rindolf: you gotta let go, its dead
  <rindolf>  brainzap:
             http://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=two-kinds-of-fools
 <brainzap>  It is popular because it makes money. you can quote me
  <rindolf>  brainzap: some popular sites went under
  <rindolf>  brainzap: some people say the node.js hype is mostly over and
             it is now post-hip
   <PSvils>  hey all
 <brainzap>  hello PSvils
  <rindolf>  PSvils: hi
  <rindolf>  PSvils: node.js is dead ;)
   <PSvils>  purrhaps
   <PSvils>  I don't like node.js much, Elixir + Phoenix is the way to go.
  <rindolf>  PSvils: ah
   <PSvils>  or python depending on the tech.
   <PSvils>  imo
  <rindolf>  PSvils: they are dead too
 <brainzap>  what abomination is Elixir
  <rindolf>  everything is dead
  <rindolf>  we were born to die
   <PSvils>  brainzap: it's a language for the Erlang VM
   <PSvils>  super duper fast, flies way faster than node.js does.
 <jprajzne>  PSvils: what's the license for erlangvm?
   <PSvils>  rindolf: Python is goin' good, 3.7 release and all
   <PSvils>  jprajzne: haven't checked, shouldn't be anything that bans
             widespread use.
  <rindolf>  PSvils: everything is dead
  <rindolf>  PSvils: ;)
   <PSvils>  depends on your definition of alive
 <jprajzne>  it's both
  <rindolf>  PSvils: i'm just teasing brainzap
 <brainzap>  benchmarks show elixir is slower than nodejs
  <rindolf>  brainzap:
             http://www.ugg.li/there-are-three-kinds-of-lies-lies-damned-lies-and-benchmarks/
   <on_ion>  agree @ everything is dead
 <jprajzne>  and no one cares
  <rindolf>  on_ion: heh, that was a joke
   <on_ion>  i know, but i also wanted to say it while reading the
             backbuffer
  <rindolf>  on_ion: ah
   <on_ion>  before i read that you said it. bitrot is a strange thing,
             when we say that unchanging software is 'decaying' and
             'rotting' when it actually is because it does /not/ change =)
   <rmbeer>  rindolf, maybe python is so perfect that problems in the
             channel never arise....
  <rindolf>  rmbeer: python is not perfect, but some people will diss any
             language on ##programming and elsewhere
  <rindolf>  on_ion: right
  <rindolf>  on_ion: there is also
             https://perl.plover.com/yak/12views/samples/notes.html#sl-9
   <on_ion>  its a sports team thing. healthy competition, gets us moving
             through life, else we would all just fall asleep being too
             content ...

    -- They’re all dead, Jim
    -- #gamedev, Freenode
%
   <pulse>  problem isn't when you're writing the code
   <pulse>  you can get away without commenting
   <pulse>  problem is when you look at your 5 year old code without
            comments
   <pulse>  it's physically impossible for me to write code good enough
            that in 5 years time i'll understand the context around
            everything i wrote
   <pulse>  so i over-comment because that helps enormously
   <pulse>  but that's just my way of doing things, I don't know
   <pulse>  i don't really care how other people write code
   <pulse>  unless i have to deal with it, LOL
 <Donitzo>  I don't have much issue getting back into my own code
 <Donitzo>  again, I use very clear variable names
 <Donitzo>  some may say too long
 <R2robot>  I, too, have heard tales told of your legendarily long
            variable names.
 <rindolf>  R2robot: heh
 <R2robot>  :P
 <rindolf>  R2robot: they are a commonly sung topic
 <R2robot>  :D
 <rindolf>  R2robot: he's going to get a film contract for that
 <R2robot>  Legend of the Long Variable Names?
 <rindolf>  R2robot: heh
 <R2robot>  An epic trilogy for sure :D
 <rindolf>  R2robot: followed by Curse of the Long Variable Names
 <R2robot>  :D
 <rindolf>  R2robot: and the Long Variable Names Reloaded
 <R2robot>  LOL
 <rindolf>  Revenge of the Long Var Names
 <R2robot>  I feel like that's a solid foundation to start writing the
            screenplays with
 <rindolf>  the Long Var Names: Nemesis
 <rindolf>  R2robot: 50% of them will be the var names/
 <rindolf>  For a fistful of Long Variable Names
 <rindolf>  Variable Names: the long, the short, and the meta syntactic
 <R2robot>  the main character:
            fredTheMainCharacterWhoIsToughButTimidAndWaitingToDiscoverHisTrueSelf
 <rindolf>  R2robot: heh
 <rindolf>  R2robot:
            fredTheMainCharacterWhoIsToughButTimidAndWaitingToDiscoverHisTrueSelf
            is dead, baby!
 <R2robot>  O_o

    -- #gamedev, Freenode
%
[Dictionaries](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Associative_array) are so
convenient to use in Python/Perl/etc. that people use them there even when
they do not really need to. On the other hand, they are so clunky in C, that
people do not use them there even when they need to.

    -- Meir Kriheli
    -- Quote
%
 <rindolf>  fijal: i've ran it 100 times now - same results - as expected
   <fijal>  rindolf: what's "same result" anyway?
   <fijal>  I meant specifically 100 times in the same process and ignore
            the first few (warmup)
 <rindolf>  fijal: ah
 <rindolf>  fijal: i ran it from the shell
   <fijal>  warmup has much higher variability
   <fijal>  yeah that does nothing - you are measuring essentially the
            equivalent of "how long does it take to run gcc"
 <rindolf>  fijal: thing is there are caches
   <fijal>  which is both very unpredictable
   <fijal>  then you have to clean the caches
 <rindolf>  fijal: ok
 <rindolf>  fijal: well, whatever - i've got better things to do
 <rindolf>  fijal: like handling
            https://bitbucket.org/blog/sunsetting-mercurial-support-in-bitbucket
   <fijal>  heh
   <fijal>  well, then I don't understand what is your problem to be
            honest - why did you come to ask questions here in the first
            place?
   <fijal>  I'm happy to help and explore how things work and explain why
            you are getting strangely seeming results, but if you are not
            willing to play along than you are just wasting my time here
 <rindolf>  fijal: ok, this was a minor annoyance that seemed noteworthy
            but not too critical
         *  mattip will try to remember "I've got better things to do"
            response for the next time rindolf asks for help
 <rindolf>  mattip: heh, good burn
 <rindolf>  "pypy ran 'rm -fr ~' due to a bug" "i've got better things to
            do than to fix it"
 <rindolf>  joking aside - i really like pypy - so thanks all
 <rindolf>  on #perl6 we were joking that the reason it is so fast is due
            to alicorn magic
 <rindolf>  fijal: well maybe i'll try
 <rindolf>  fijal: https://paste.debian.net/1096980/ - a bit better after
            removing
 <rindolf>  fijal: is my approach sound?
   <ronan>  rindolf: the difference between the two is most probably below
            the noise level
 <rindolf>  ronan: yes
   <ronan>  rindolf: check out https://dl.acm.org/citation.cfm?id=3133876
 <rindolf>  ronan: open access - nice
 <rindolf>  bye all, killing xfce for benchmarking something else (not
            pypy) and sorry if i was rude

    -- #pypy, Freenode
%
 <rindolf>  I had the craziest idea
   <paddy>  sell all computers?
 <rindolf>  I'm going to announce that if and when I ever accumulate at
            least 10 million USD / 10 million EUR / or 10 million ILS -
            whatever fiat coin is worth more at the point in my PayPal
            account I'll make the entire individual cultural works
            residing at my site (at present) CC-by except for those that I
            consider private / personal or those that were not original
            text and copied from elsewhere. I may not be as rich as J. K.
            Rowling used to be (before
 <rindolf>  she donated most of her > 1,000,000,000 USD to charity - good
            for her) but with good marketing I may be settled for life.
            And I'll set all my current (not future ones naturally)
            children free and enjoy the rip offs, parodies, YouTube
            productions and maybe even ARR Hollywood films with a credit
            "Based on the Story [ $NAME ] [ URL ] by Shlomi Fish
            https://www.shlomifish.org/" at the credits for the rest of my
            life
 <rindolf>  paddy: my computers are not worth a lot and they contain a
            small amount of passwords I wish to keep secret
 <rindolf>  AFAIK it can be bill gates donating the whole 10 million or a
            million 10 dollar donations
  <jxself>  Okay so it'll basically never happen then. :)
 <rindolf>  I'll title the blog post "Prolific writer sells his entire
            works portfolio for the whole world for a shitload of money"
 <rindolf>  jxself: never say never
 <rindolf>  </James Bond>
  <jxself>  I just did.
 <rindolf>  jxself: you lost
  <jxself>  Let me know when you get your ten million.
  <bheron>  rindolf: Donate 1 million to the GNUstep foundation I'm about
            to form... help us dominate the world. ;)
 <rindolf>  bheron: forget it
  <bheron>  LOL
 <rindolf>  bheron: waste of money
  <bheron>  :)
 <rindolf>  I may donate to the Free Software Foundation
  <bheron>  Hey man!!! World domination is a good thing. :)
   <ggoes>  fund the hurd!
  <bheron>  Once we control the world, all will be good... I promise. :D
  <bheron>  YIKES! Hurd.
 <rindolf>  bheron: you wont get it even with a milliard dollars
 <rindolf>  bheron: and I'm not willing to donate a cent
  <bheron>  I know. Hey, as long as it works for me and others... I'm
            happy.
 <rindolf>  bheron: got to prioritize
  <bheron>  rindolf: And we were getting along so nicely last time! ;)
 <rindolf>  btw my text here is CC-by-nc-sa for now
 <rindolf>  bheron: maybe twit https://twitter.com/Taylorswift13 - I think
            she is rich and she probably has a smart phone or more and I
            like many of her songs so she may be interested
 <rindolf>  don't know how much taxes I'll have to pay
 <rindolf>  I think Israel is not as bad as Britain was when
            https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Taxman was written
 <rindolf>  nice song btw
  <bheron>  rindolf: Probably worse.
 <rindolf>  I like the Beatles too
 <rindolf>  bheron: what? no!
 <rindolf>  bheron: anyway I'll pay all the taxes from however I got just
            to stay on the safe side
 <rindolf>  don't want any trouble
  <bheron>  rindolf: you forgot that Taylor Swift shares her last name
            with a cockamamie language produced by apple for people who
            are too fucking stupid to comprehend Objective-C. ;)
 <rindolf>  health >>> money
  <bheron>  I mean Objective-C is verbose and self documenting yet many
            people (who have the nerve to call themselves real
            programmers) can't handle it. ;)
  <bheron>  (hehe)
 <rindolf>  bheron: great - ad hominem
  <bheron>  No...l
 <rindolf>  bheron: maybe she'll sue apple for trademark damages
 <rindolf>  and win
  <bheron>  I hope so.
 <rindolf>  bheron: ask her
  <bheron>  you know... the swift guys wrote me about when GNUstep will
            support swift...
  <bheron>  I told them "Once your language syntax and structure stops
            changing radically every release, we will support it..."
  <bheron>  it hasn't freaking stopped yet. :)
  <bheron>  I once used it on a project for AMGEN.
  <bheron>  I had to literally rewrite the application EVERY TIME THEY
            RELEASED an update.
  <bheron>  It's actually not terribly hard to make it happen... there is
            a bit of code in the swift open source code which would allow
            it to happen.... it would be, maybe, about 2 weeks of work.
  <bheron>  rindolf: and you're right, it is an "ad hominem" attack with
            respect to what I said about certain programmers and Objective
            C... but the way I see it some people don't know assembly...
            is it the fault of the language or are they simply too dim to
            get it?
  <bheron>  (most likely the latter)
 <rindolf>  bheron: you need to charge more
  <bheron>  for?
 <rindolf>  bheron: if it's swift pay me 100,000 USD / year
  <bheron>  Oh… well for that job with AMGEN I charged $85 USD/hour.
 <rindolf>  bheron: peanuts
  <bheron>  which works out to about, estimating... 144,000?
 <rindolf>  bheron: aren't you living in .us?
  <bheron>  Yes
  <bheron>  That's a decent living.
  <bheron>  better than decent.
 <rindolf>  you can charge 300 USD / hour for swift
  <bheron>  Hah... I have never met a developer who made that much per
            hour in my life.
  <bheron>  rindolf: have you ever contracted in the US?
 <rindolf>  bheron: prices send signals -
            https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/joel-on-software.html#joel-camels-rubber-duckies-11
 <rindolf>  bheron: I'm sure there are
 <rindolf>  bheron: Bill Gates won't get out of bed for 300 USD/hour
 <rindolf>  as an example
  <bheron>  https://www.google.com/search?q=average+per+hour+income+of+developers&oq=average+per+hour+income+of+developers&aqs=chrome..69i57j33.9671j1j0&sourceid=chrome&ie=UTF-8
 <rindolf>  bheron: think big
  <bheron>  Heh.
  <bheron>  Think myself out of every contract I could get. ;)
  <bheron>  the only way I'll make that is if I make my own apps... which
            I am trying to do.
  <bheron>  But you are correct on one thing... I need to think bigger.
  <bheron>  Because this contracting crap just isn't doing it.
 <rindolf>  bheron: in the book the princess bride a sword craftsman whose
            secret better craftsman was killed by the 6 fingered man
            charged more and more for his now pretty bad results and the
            more he charged the greater the demand was
 <rindolf>  bheron: have you read my link?
  <bheron>  Yes.
 <rindolf>  I'm pretty sure Taylor Swift's time is worth more than 300
            USD/hour
  <bheron>  It doesn't justify charging 185% over the national average
            when I'm already on the top end of the bell curve.
  <bheron>  That's called "Pricing yourself out of a job"
  <bheron>  I get what you're saying, I simply disagree.
 <rindolf>  if you offer her 900 USD for a three hour concert she won't
            bother replying
  <bheron>  I've known developers who charged 100 per hour.... when the
            company needed to downsize, those guys were the first to go.
 <rindolf>  bheron: ah
 <rindolf>  bheron: why do you need donations anyway?
  <bheron>  The lesson is... keep your prices reasonable. A little
            painful, but not too hard to swallow. :)
     <jmd>  $100 per hour is not a over the average these days.
  <bheron>  rindolf: Joking. :) I don't. I have enough right now.
  <bheron>  jmd: read the link I posted... it is slightly above average.
  <bheron>  The AMGEN job was years ago... I won't say how much I'm
            pulling in now.
 <rindolf>  well, unless she'll really identify with your cause
     <jmd>  My company charges between 250 - 400 (but I don't get to see
            nearly that much)
  <bheron>  I wasn't the one who mentioned Taylor Swift. ;)
     <jmd>  bheron: That's something to do with infinite series expansion
            isn't it?
  <bheron>  jmd: What are you referring to?
  <bheron>  AMGEN?
 <rindolf>  bheron: once in bay watch the fictional head life guard called
            Jenny McCarthy the famous MTV video jockey and said "Jenny
            McCarthy? Hi, it's Mitch Buchannon"
  <bheron>  AMGEN = Applied Molecular GENetics. They are a medical
            biotechnology company. They make medicines derived from
            genetically modified bacteria which produce certain
            proteins... Things like Enbrel or other biologically based
            things.
  <bheron>  https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Amgen
 <rindolf>  so we joked "Bill Clinton? Hi, it's Shlomi Fish you know me,
            right?"
  <bheron>  LOL
 <rindolf>  bheron:
            https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/bits/facts/Larry-Wall/ - I
            was told he is only spiritually rich
 <rindolf>  bheron: but Linus Torvalds is believed to make 20 million USD
            a year
  <bheron>  rindolf: I think you need to listen to a lot of the arguments
            you're making yourself... I would like to know....
  <bheron>  WHAT IS YOUR POINT?
  <bheron>  That I should charge some outrageous amount of money?
  <bheron>  That I'm undervaluing my work in some way... what are you
            trying to prove?
  <bheron>  So far you've hit me with several RIDICULOUS things... get to
            the point. :)
 <rindolf>  bheron: one day people will say "I don't remember who the
            prime minister of Israel is. It's not like he has 300 million
            twitter followers like bheron does..."
  <bheron>  LOL
 <rindolf>  bheron: I'm being motivational.
  <bheron>  No.
 <rindolf>  but time to write the blog post and try to get it on internet
            news sites
 <rindolf>  do or do not there is no try - Yoda
  <bheron>  You're being *ridiculous*... first off, you've likely never
            ever lived here in the US... so you have second hand
            experience about the financial or economic situation at
            best... and second you're giving these weird off the wall
            examples based on celebrities or people (like Linus) who were
            in the right place at the right time.
  <bheron>  I would have LOVED if my sophomore project in college turned
            into the UNIX that took over the world. :)
  <bheron>  Right place...
  <bheron>  right tie.
  <bheron>  *time
  <bheron>  Linus is NOT particularly talented.
  <bheron>  Just good at being something of an asshole.
  <bheron>  Linux is a Monolithic, poorly architected implementation of
            UNIX... to quote Ken Thomson, "Those who do not know UNIX are
            doomed to reimplement it... poorly"
 <rindolf>  bheron: https://twitter.com/GeorgeLucasILM - only 22.4 k
            followers
 <rindolf>  bheron: she has a bitch image and she used to be the number
            one twitter account surpassing president Obama -
            https://twitter.com/katyperry
  <bheron>  Just like GCC is a crappy compiler... it needs to learn
            lessons from clang... did you know that gcc explicitly didn't
            break out things like the parser and other functionality which
            would have been better put into libraries so that other
            programs could use them because RMS was that "it would make it
            too easy for other apps which are proprietary to use
            functionality without giving back to the compiler" (I'm
            paraphrasing).
  <bheron>  .. I know this because that answer was given to me when I was
            trying to build a parser for C header files for a project a
            while back. (it was for Gorm to discover objects which could
            be used as target/action candidates)
  <bheron>  I don't care. :)
 <rindolf>  bheron: she was known for replying to replies and retweeting
            replies she liked and stuff like that -
            https://twitter.com/katyperry
 <rindolf>  bheron: I'm following https://twitter.com/jk_rowling/ and she
            seems to hate president trump
 <rindolf>  bheron: of course I think many of his tweets are either good
            or so bad they are good
  <bheron>  rindolf: She hates him for a good reason...
  <bheron>  he's a fucking moron.
  <bheron>  I hate him more than most.
  <bheron>  Why people in this country put such an idiot in office I will
            never fathom.
  <bheron>  People often said... "Well, he's not a politician". To which I
            responded... "then let your next colonoscopy be performed by a
            plumber"
 <rindolf>  bheron:we are getting out of gnu land
  <bheron>  We are.
  <bheron>  To get us back...
  <bheron>  GCC needs a kick in the ass.
 <rindolf>  bheron: you should run for president when you get 300 million
            Twitter followers
  <bheron>  LOL
  <bheron>  I would never survive.
  <bheron>  Too many dark things in my past. ;)
 <rindolf>  bheron: then become the next pope
 <rindolf>  bheron: see
            https://www.shlomifish.org/philosophy/philosophy/putting-all-cards-on-the-table-2013/#departing_pope_about_twitter
  <bheron>  rindolf: I'm an atheist.
  <bheron>  Me becoming pope would be a true miracle. ;)
  <bheron>  rindolf: well... strictly speaking I'm an "agnostic" in the
            same way Richard Dawkins is... see his discussion about
            teapots orbiting Mars. :)
 <rindolf>  bheron: please read the link at the anchor - I am an agnostic
            too
  <bheron>  https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-MncXMgVIZ4
 <rindolf>  bheron: don't have prejudice
  <bheron>  I never do.
  <bheron>  Be right back
 <rindolf>  bheron: ok, then see what the departing pope despite however
            evil he may be taught me that twitter/facebook/g+ rip/etc are
            what the Gutenberg press was only much more awesome
 <rindolf>  bheron: ping me

    -- #gnu, Freenode
%
You can never truly appreciate the Gilmore Girls until you've watched it in
the original Klingon.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Freenode conversation ( https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=sharp-perlcafe-looking-back-at-your-old-habits )
%
*Note:* many of my stories are *not* too *realistic*, and aim to reflect a
better and more idealistic reality than the one many people would perceive.
This is in part because, I am [an
idealist](https://www.shlomifish.org/me/rindolf/#rindolfism), and plan to
remain so (and my idealism is dynamic and constantly changes), and wish that
my words and deeds will carry reality *forward* instead of preserving the
status quo.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Preface on the page of large-scale screenplays and stories ( https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/stories/ )
%
Q2: OK, cool. We’ll let you kids do last minute arrangements and we’ll meet
here in 45 minutes. Meanwhile I’ll have a drink.

Q: I could use one too. Quark, how much would that be?

Quark: Two drinks would be two strips of gold-pressed Latinum.

However, Mr. Q., I recall you saying you could provide me with 1 million bars
of gold-pressed Latinum.

Q: That’s nothing, Mr. Quark. I can conjure a ball made out of gold-pressed
Latinum the size of a red giant. Of course, it will quickly implode into a
nasty black hole. Nothing we can’t handle of course, but still.

[Cut to Quark - he is speechless and looks astonished.]

Q: But two strips should be enough - there you go.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
Q2: In any case, I’ll leave you kids for now.

Dax: Are you too busy?

Q2: No. Busy people are unproductive. We are very productive and so we’re
almost never busy. But I need some rest, and think I’m no longer needed here.
Q can always find me, anyway.

    -- Shlomi Fish
    -- Star Trek: “We, the Living Dead” ( https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/Star-Trek/We-the-Living-Dead/ )
%
      <fenirskunk>  bin is for mission critical, xbin and sbin are for
                    addins, cause Linux is paranoid crack mother over your
                    shoulder.
         <tomty89>  xbin is an android thing i think
         <tomty89>  wonder what the x means
          <Armand>  "not s"
          <Armand>  :P
          <schu-r>  extra
      <fenirskunk>  Lol
      <fenirskunk>  Kill me.
         <tomty89>  exterminate
         <Masklin>  I have four bins in my default PATH.
         <Masklin>  FOUR!
         <Masklin>  Two I would understand
         <Masklin>  But this is outrageous
      <fenirskunk>  Busybox should just be baked into kernel in my opinion
         <Masklin>  Would that help?
         <tomty89>  i am sure you have a lot of opinions
          <ananke>  tomty89: that's precisely what I said
  <Triffid_Hunter>  fenirskunk: heh do you remember back in the day when
                    there was a http server baked into the kernel?
 <SuperSeriousCat>  Ye. Building busybox every time you rebuild kernel
                    would be awesome
       <hexnewbie>  The kernel ought to have zsh, wayland and wineserver
                    integrated.
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: heh
 <SuperSeriousCat>  And a web browser!
       <hexnewbie>  Think of the advantages of running CNN's JavaScript in
                    kernel-space.
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: heh
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: you made me smile
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: i remember a .txt file causing msie 6 to
                    fork bomb
         <rindolf>  on windows though
  <Triffid_Hunter>  rindolf: heh, or literally every single image format
                    it supports having a remote code execution
                    vulnerability?
         <rindolf>  Triffid_Hunter: what?
  <Triffid_Hunter>  rindolf: ie6
         <rindolf>  Triffid_Hunter: ah
       <hexnewbie>  Once again, a flaw in Wine's compatibility! Including
                    an <img> src'ed from "con" should kernel-crash
                    GNU/Linux too.
  <Triffid_Hunter>  hexnewbie: LOL, or aux or lpt?
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: heh
       <hexnewbie>  IE6 worked pretty well in Wine, from what I can
                    recall, lack of system crash bugs notwithstanding.
     <stefmorino2>  Masklin: I have $HOME/bin, /bin, /sbin, /usr/bin,
                    /usr/sbin, /usr/ports/infrastructure/bin,
                    /usr/X11R6/bin, /usr/local/bin, /usr/local/sbin
         <rindolf>  hexnewbie: :)

    -- Failure is not an option! It is bundled with the product.
    -- ##linux, Freenode
%
      <Alex8532>  Hey guys who is familiar with the Domain Model design
                  pattern?
       <rindolf>  Alex8532: hi, i'm not too much into design patterns
 <CommunistWolf>  every time you say guys I refrain from helping
       <rindolf>  CommunistWolf: why?
      <Alex8532>  CommunistWolf: Oh, excuse me ma'am.
      <Alex8532>  CommunistWolf: Forgot you were in Thailand. Land of the
                  finest ladyboys :).
      <Alex8532>  Just joking, just joking.
      <Alex8532>  I love you
       <rindolf>  you can say "hey guys" to a group that includes females
                  (also possibly exclusively) too
 <CommunistWolf>  I feel excluded by the term, and have a penis. such is
                  life
       <rindolf>  Alex8532: today I wasted some time debugging the wrong
                  build stage, so i added some intelligence to my build
                  process:
                  https://github.com/shlomif/App-gimpgitbuild/commits/master
                  ;
                  https://www.shlomifish.org/humour/fortunes/show.cgi?id=joel-remarkable-customer-service-3
      <Alex8532>  I answered my question... I was going to ask you guys
                  how the Active Record patterns handle bulk inserts and
                  updates...
      <Alex8532>  The answer is to put static methods on the Model class.
       <rindolf>  Alex8532: hmmm...
        <jimbzy>  Yeah, you have to use gender-neutral terms, Alex8532.
                  Next time, try "Hey you fucking cunts" instead of "Hey
                  guys" ;)
       <rindolf>  public status void main()
       <rindolf>  jimbzy: heh
        <jimbzy>  rindolf, Don't 'heh'. I guarantee you if you walk into a
                  room and shout that EVERYBODY will give you their
                  undivided attention regardless of gender, race, or
                  religion.
       <rindolf>  jimbzy: :D

    -- #gamedev, Freenode
%
   <rindolf>  refactoring and optimising code seem like bottomless pits
              (or evertop mountains?)
 <warweasle>  rindolf: I found a similar problem with retopologizing
              meshes.
   <rindolf>  warweasle: with respect to refactoring?
 <warweasle>  Although I deal with lower poly stuff so it's not nearly as
              bad as people who use the subsurf modifier all the time.
 <warweasle>  rindolf: Very similar. You can just keep making it "better"
              when the original crappy mesh was good "enough".
   <rindolf>  warweasle: ah
 <warweasle>  rindolf: It really kills me because I do both modeling AND
              code.
 <warweasle>  If I looked, I could probably find a better paying job doing
              gamedev...but I enjoy doing next to nothing.
   <rindolf>  warweasle: I recently ran into some cases where I spent many
              hours trying to fix functional defects, and then converted
              to a more elegant design, which ended up fixing the bugs
              later.
 <warweasle>  rindolf: Then that's the good kind of refactoring. But I go
              too far sometimes. I just keep trying to make it better
              because it's not "perfect".
 <warweasle>  And honestly sometimes it's easier to rewrite something than
              fix it in place.

    -- #gamedev, Freenode
